WaTcHaMaCaLiT

The art of letting go...

2011-10-06T16:55:00.000+08:00

When you get your hand inside a jar to get a coin, you wouldn't be able to get it out with a closed fist.

Today's lesson, you need to let go of some things, so you can get back what is more important to you.

A tattoo and everything associated with it

This man that I really love as a whole person

Well, I support you, love. Whatever makes you happy, as long as you don't jeopardize your health.

Overflow

2011-10-06T16:36:00.000+08:00

If reincarnation is real, I believe that this life's main purpose is to teach me to understand people.

From a young age, I was exposed to the most bizzare and un-normal tempers of people around me.
Some might see them as emotional abusers, but I think these persons are victims themselves.

It frightens me, but at the same time, the natural curiosity in me has led me to look deeper into a person's action.
I am not saying that I am encouraging people to be emotionally abusive, in fact, I wouldn't take it, if I could.

But love is like a door that lets forgiveness in. It's like an anesthetic that soothes pain when inflicted. Love has led me to understand and be open-minded, despite the fact that I have my own set of beliefs and prejudices.

The only pain that love can't cure is the pain that is inflicted by love itself. And that pain happens out of concern for another person's well-being.

A person who does not want to be helped is helpless.

I'm Just Normal!

2011-09-19T22:02:00.002+08:00

I find it funny, thinking for the longest time, that my normal life might affect my Image. The result: I hid my blog.

The heck with Image! Why will I be trying to portray an image apart from who I am? See... this whole disjoint (yeah "disjoint": I got it from Graduate School) has made me suffer severe identity issues and even personality problems ranging from self-diagnosed bipolar and multiple personality disorders.

So now, ta-daa! My blog is alive! Yea... you can even browse through my funny emo teen-age years. There's really nothing to hide because, yup, nobody's perfect anyway! And besides, I find my own mistakes really funny, so go and laugh! (I was re-reading my previous post, which read: sweat and sour fish fillet. Panalo! I have to be more careful next time though.)

I think so much have changed since my last post... But as always, I'm blogging again to prevent the emotions of my heart from overflowing into my brain by draining it through my fingertips onto my laptop... (How graphic can I be?)

Happily blabbering on our drive home…

2010-12-04T22:30:00.001+08:00

I missed my PhCh126 labmates, JP and Ian… Our session today was like the good old times! JP and Karen are REALLY good at counseling… I do hope they bag the 1^st place in the PCE on wed! More practice and prayers!

After our training session in UP, I went to China town to show mommy where she can buy really nice and affordable eyeglasses in Quiapo…Good thing I remembered the shop… She got her eyes checked by an optometrist and got the perfect frames she wanted for just 700 Php! Imagine! I got my pair last year for about the same price… and they're already multi-coated lenses… the shop is not exactly in Paterno street where most of the optical shops are… It's actually just a small shop hidden around a corner but it's where some of the "mainstream" shops will eventually bring you to get your eyes checked by an optometrist… I actually like the optometrist there because she's really kind and has a sort of motherly personality...

The streets in Quiapo are already packed with the Christmas shopping crowd and there are really nice bargains for pretty Christmas decors and lots of other stuff including the typical clothes you'll find in divi and tiangges. Heaps of cheap but cute and useful giveaways flood the streets, too…

When we returned to our car in China town (we leave our car in that area because it's relatively safer and its actually impossible to park a car safely near Quiapo.), Papa was already really hungry so we stopped by the Hap Chan Restaurant ---our family favorite. It was my first time to eat at the China town branch. I still think the one in Alabang is the best branch from among those I've been too because it's way more modern and pleasant to dine in and the location is really safe. For our hungry-people-who-can't-think course, we ordered the hototay soup, sweat and sour fish fillet and yang chow fried rice… Perfect dinner!

After cleansing ourselves with tea served free by the restaurant, our China town trip wasn't complete without our final stop, Papa's all-time favorite Chinese grocery for my beef floss (I don't know why but we call it mahu at home) and of course, our pasalubong for Kuya Andrew, his favorite siopao bought from the shop across the grocery… I was happily blabbering all the way during our drive home because I had so much fun!

My Saturday was a perfect bonding day with my friends and parents! (^_^)

Life is a maze…

2010-12-03T16:19:00.001+08:00

I somehow know where I want to go, but the path is quite confusing…

I deleted my blog, then undeleted it. Thank goodness…

2010-12-03T16:09:00.001+08:00

I believe… I'm going to be reviving my blog any time soon… whoa. (^_^)

Christmas Party Bonding with Randy and my Family!

2008-12-06T17:13:00.000+08:00

Papa invited me and Randy to attend the Christmas party of the company where Kuya Albert works - also his former company. So after my pharmacology make-up class this saturday, Randy met up with me and we went to...

near Mall of Asia. The program was already starting and the buffet was already starting... What perfect timing! haha! So what elso to do? Dig in!

Actually dessert este, tapos na din pala ako kumain ng dessert niyan... talagang nagutom ako sa PCOL! hyperlipidemia pa naman yung topic... Harhar, so ang kinain ko ano ba... Angel hair puttanesca, Ox tongue with mashed potato, chicken potato salad, Roastpork with almond sauce, Chicken galle-sumthing, Blue Marlin na grilled, veggie salad, tuna macaroni salad, Nachos, Pastries, ayun... harharhar... Madami ba yun? unti unti lang nakain ko dun no... so after lumafang ay nagkaroon ng mga games at presentations...

Sample lang yan nga mga "bakit ko ba ginagawa to sa sarili ko" performances nila... at anlupit din nung baklang host, bully at nakakatawa!

Andaming tao eh... Tinamad din kami nung tumagal tagal at nauwi sa picture-picture! Kasi dala ni Kuya Andrew dSLR ni Kuya Allan kanina...

(Paawa at Pacute na Randy at Ako)

Si Mamy mahilig din magpapicture... at si Kuya Andrew din, so lahat kami, picture-picture!

Si Mamy at Papa, game na game pumose... Si Papa na normally tiger look napasmile ko... hahaha! Smile!

Wee... ansaya dami pictures... eto pa, ang ampon ni Mamy... harharhar...

Pictures pa!

At tinamad din kami ni Kuya Andrew magpic... kasi pati ba naman decorations napagtripan namin, Kyut kasi! star studded! hehehe...

Waha!!! at finally natapos na din ang program. Sayang, di kami nanalo ng prizes: 20 microwave ovens, 5K+GC, 10K+GC, at 15K+GC. Di talaga kami swerte sa raffle ever! hahaha... ayun, time to go na! At least may Ham na pamigay sa mga di nanalo... harhar, at nirereimburse yung transpo cost ng mga tao + nanalo pa si mamy sa isang name that song game, so sulit na din! harhar...

wee.. palabas na kami... So yun, nagpaalam na si Randy dahil pupunta pa daw siya sa MOA... at kami pauwi na...

Balik sa tunay kong Papa! Harhar... Terno kami! Pero as usual, hindi kami papayag ng walang picture taking bago umuwi...

At siyempre, di papayag si Kyandrew na wala siyang Pic!

Heehee.. Hay! Saya saya.. at kapagod. Salamat sa araw na to!

(^_^) Kyandrew loved this pic (^_^)

Hanggang sa Muli!

-Chai-

U NA I BA E RA SA I DA A DA NA GA PA I LA I PA I NA A SA!!!GO UP!!!

2008-09-08T07:14:00.000+08:00

favorite cheer ko sa UAAP!!!!!!!super LSS...

lomomanila will be hitting baguio...

2008-05-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

howhowhow...di pa ako nakapagpartcipate ng totoo sa lomomanila events...first and the last is nung chinatown, pero di ako nakihalubilo dahil dat tym, holga lang ang meron ako..nakakahiya..hehe..wah...sana makasama ako sa isang event..kapag nakipon na ako ng lakas ng loob..hehe..imagine a LOMOWALL dat is 6 feet high by 18 feet long...huge collection of pictures sa baguio...LOMO ELEMENTO STYLE..the project is headed by tuesday vargas , sir bong, and jill...how how how...gud luck nlng sa kanila...inggit ako..

Penshoppe's SHOOT YOU ADS

2008-05-30T12:32:00.000+08:00

a huge billboard sa morayta--features bamboo using fisheye 1
ads that feature red holga--hawak ng iba't ibang mgA PENSHOPPE endorsers..
nkakatuwa at naicip nila un..plus may contestb pa cla na dey will give away a free holga if uve accumulated acertain amount of receipts..not bad huh...to spread the lomo lovin'..to spread the craze...go chek one out...

San Juan... parang nanaginip lang ako!

2008-05-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

Ang sarap din pala pumunta sa malayo. Contrary to what I thought na mahohomesick ako nung paalis palang ako for my two-week batangas immersion. Hehehe... Siyempre, minus the inconveniences kasi buti nalang hindi ako nabankrupt dun... pero first time ko maging malayo sa bahay ng ganun katagal! Hahaha... Ang saya din pala! New people and new places!

Pagdating ko ng batangas, kala ko mag-iinarte ako about the food, tirahan, etc. Pero hindi naman pala! Kasi iba din talaga yung buhay dun... Very simple! Ang saya! Nakakasurvive ako ng isang buong araw nang hindi tumitingin sa salamin at nako-conscious sa itsura ko. Ang aga kong nagigising kahit walang alarm dahil excited akong magbomba ng poso at para makapaglaba na ako at matuyo kaagad yung mga damit. Ayaw ko kasing magbreakfast ng hindi nakakaligo kaya nagtataka sila kung bakit parang aalis ako palagi... wahaha! Dito kasi sa bahay, hindi ako naigigising unless sigawan ako at kuryentehin (di ko kasi nadidinig yung alarm pag sa bahay ako natutulog)... Anyways, kaya ko naman talaga mabuhay sa bahay na tinirhan namin, kahit pa walang ilaw sa CR at ilaw ng celfone ang gamit ko pag "emergency". Haha! Masaya kasi...

Ano bang makikita sa bahay nila Kap?

Improvised swing na nakasabit sa puno ng mangga.

Si Miggy na mahilig magpapogi at si Gabby na laging hinihika, kambal na babies na apo ni Kap.

Si Justin na ka-hairdo ni Kuya Jonet at mahilig magpanggap na jeepney driver, at interesado din magpicture kaso ang subject lang niya ay yung toy jeep niya. Siya din ang batang isinama ako kung saan-saang liblib na bahagi ng compound nila para mangstalk ng baka! Sakristan niya yung kapatid niya na kakaiba ang pangalan, (jerol o jeryl o gerel) na pwede naman pala tawaging francis. hahhaa! Don't worry Randy, hindi ako pwedeng agawin ni Justin sayo kasi 4 years old lang siya.. Haha! kakabirthday nga lang niya eh.

Yung mga pusa na napakadami at sobrang complicated ng family tree kasi halo halo na yung kulay nila... (May pure white, black, black n wyt, Orange, striped, mixed colors, lahat ng variety ng kulay!) May nakaaway pa nga akong pusa dun eh.. humpf.. Matitigas pala ulo ng mga pusa pag asal pusa sila. Buti pa si Pup-py!

Si Pup-py ko! ang white puppy na malaki ang tyan na pag umuupo ay gumugulong nalang dahil di niya kaya ang weight ng tyan nya. Paborito siyang apihin ng mga bata dun kasi nga makulit siya. Pero sa lahat ng living thing sa compound, si Pup-py ata yung unang naging very welcoming sa akin! kaya love ko yun si Pup-py! Kahit aso siya ng kapit bahay nila kap, ako yung sinasalubong niya pag dumadating kami. Hahaha.. Sad nga lang hindi ako nakapag goodbye sa kanya pag-alis namin.

Si Paulene na bunso ni Kap. Maganda si Paulene! Tagapagmana ng title ni Nanay na Reyna ng Palengke, kasi may pwesto sila dun. Mas bata samin ng mga 2 years pero mas outgoing pa at makulit kesa samin. (contrary sa iniisip kong taga-probinsya na mahiyain at mahinhin) Haha! Lagi ngang may katext eh, patay yun kay Kap!

Si kuya Paul na nasa Saudi at picture lang ang na-meet namin. Kahawig niya si Bojit pero ayon kay tatay Kap ay bukod sa matalino ay mabait siyang anak. Binata pa at pinag-iinteresan ni ate C*mi*. Haha! Sayang nga lang at hindi nahingi ni Ate C*mi* yung number niya kay paulene. Hahaha!

Si Nanay Kapitana na aloof noong una. Cute daw siya kasi mukhang teddy bear ayon kay tin. Pero natatakot ako sa kanya. Di kasi masyadong nagsasalita. Kala ko galit sa amin ni Rosie kasi nung nagbaguio sila nanay at tatay Kap eh kami ang pinatulog sa room nila habang wala sila. Dyahe kaya! Pero ganu daw talaga mga tao sa probinsiya, extreme na hindi masyado practical yung hospitality kasi kung sila matutulog sa sahig eh masakit sa likod yung lalo na't matanda na sila. Sanay naman ako matulog kahit saan! Buti nalang nung 2nd week nagkukwento na si nanay sa dinner. Masarap magluto si Nanay ng kunganu anu. PRAMIS! Hindi ko makakalimutan yung ginataang mangga at saging. Da best yun! at yung puto na bagong luto. first time ko makakita nun! Ang sarap talaga! Kahit hindi siya nakapag-aral, business minded siya at napagaral niya yung mga anak niya. Husay!

Si Tatay Kap, napakabait! wala akong masabi. Naaalala ko nga si Papa eh, kasi sobrang maalaga siya sa amin. Nung nagpunta ako sa tagaytay, hinatid pa niya ako sa sakayan! Tapos sabi niya anak niya ako, para daw hindi ako lokohin sa presyo... Wahehhee... Kung tutuusin, sa bayan, isa lang siyang ordinaryong matanda, pero sa baranggay nila, sobrang respetado siya at pag siya ang naghahatid sa amin sa traysikel eh nahihiyang magpabayad yung tricycle driver sa amin... Amazing! Hehe... Mahilig din siyang mag-advice habang kumakain kami... Hehehe. Isinama pa niya kami sa beach nung last day na at nakipagbonding kami kay paulene! Bunso nga rin tawag niya sa akin eh. Kaya dalawa kami ni Paulene na bunso niya. Hehehe.. Ako yung chubby na bunso.

Hayyy! Nakakamiss ang bahay ni Tatay Kap! Lahat lahat ng andun. Hehe... Ngayon I'm home. May mga ipinagbago din ako... Madami akong natutunan sa San Juan bukod sa Pharmacy at Community. Natuto din ako tungkol sa Family!

PARADISE 50 kms away from manila...

2008-04-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

Di- Op ni inday!

2008-04-16T16:48:00.000+08:00

Yey... nagday-off ako sa drustore. Punta ng pharm... at hoorah! Pumasa na ko ng stat! (muntik ko pang mahampas si sir bien nung pinost niya yung list) hehe... Ayun!

Kumain kami sa Karate Kid, kahit ang ulam ko ay hotshots galing sa KFC. Haha!

Tapos nagpunta kami ni Badi sa QC hall na first time ni badi makapasok sa isang munisipyo(haha).. tapos nagliwaliw sa Quezon memorial circle sa gitna ng katanghalian. NagLOMO! Nakakita ng mga pusa na mukhang aso.. langgam na antik pero black... at lovebirds na hindi mukhang lovebirds! Mainit pero ok lang kasi hindi ako pawisin (haha! at talagang nagbibilad kami para mukhang nagbeach din kami)..

Tapos punta kami ng diliman para makipagmeet at mahiram yung cam na hindi pala rangefinder kundi DSLR (as in De-film SLR! HEhehe...) na isa palang bobo detector dahil hindi namin alam kung pano buksan... kewl... Yey!

Sabi ni Badi may snow daw sa diliman kasi panahon daw ng pagpuff ng cotton trees, pero wala naman! Kaya nagsight seeing nalang kami ng mga couples dun na may pagka exhibitionist kahit na may mga inosente (daw) na boy scout na pagala gala sa paligid! Tsk tsk... buti nalang malabo mata ko. (Wahaha!)

Ang saya-saya kahit mainit at nagcicirculate na yung pawis at kung anu mang vapors sa FX kasi madami kaming napuntahan... saka siyempre ksama ko si Dudong este si Badi buong araw! Tapos nanood kami ng Nim's Island na ang cute! (Mukhang nahihilig kami sa kiddie films... Haha!)

Ayun... A day na puno ng lomo! at saya! wee... Love it!

(^_^) -pe_chai

INTRAMUROS

2008-04-15T03:35:00.000+08:00

masaya..nagpunta kami sa manila cathedral...san agustin church...fort santiago...at bahay tsinoy...kumain sa isang napakaWELCOMING place...nagLOMO..nagLOMO..nagLOMO..nagloko din holga ko dito..buti nlng sinalba ako ng vivitar ko..hekhek..masaya...!!!!

got my first 110 film camera

2008-04-12T02:57:00.000+08:00

vintage...wowowii tlaga...super old NEW stock..never been used...nakakatuwa...soon ill be having my rangefinder, pahiram ni sharey...hehe...

Wet Blanket

2008-04-07T19:40:00.003+08:00

My heart beat fast...

I was missing you the whole day today... So when I finally had the chance, I dropped everything I was doing and rushed excitedly like a little kid.

Webcam.

OMGosh! I forgot to brush my hair!

There, done.

Where are you...
(trying to project my self properly on cam so I won't look too excited)

*bad connection*

I restarted everything..

Connected!

me: *BUZZ!*

you: "yeah"

Sigh.
there was a pinch somewhere in my mediastinum

I know you're busy... Sorry.

(thought you were as excited as I am)

It sucks. Why am i so stupid? Overreacting. Overanticipating. Like a stupid kid believing that mom's actually gonna buy me that toy on TV.

OA.

Ahhhhh I feel like I'm so pathetic.

Maybe I just missed you too much today.

Maybe I should've enjoyed my shower longer and be sleeping by now...

Back in my dreamland where all I want can come true.

Nevertheless, I love you.

Times Change

2008-04-01T22:42:00.002+08:00

Ugh, I hate how ambiguous the title sounds. Like it is the time itself that will experience change, or if it is time that causes change... So ambiguous! Like (Times will Change) Ugh.

Nonesense. I'm Back. Alive and blogging.
------------------------------------------------

To God:

Lord, I wonder what my life would be after thursday? Please guide me in your direction.

Hay...

------------------------------------------------

I need a hug right now.

I am just amazed at how contemlative I can be at some points in my life.

humm... I want the simple life. But its not always the case.

Sometimes, you really need to keep up with the pace, or your out of the race.

But heck! I JUST MISSED THIS BLOG! REALLY!!!! I LOVE MY BLOG.

*HUGS*

I'll surely be back this summer! watch out. (^_^)

Malamig at Mamasa-masa ang Simoy ng Hangin

2007-12-26T12:25:00.000+08:00

Umuulan at mahapdi na ang laman loob ko gawa ng functional pain na dulot ng nangyayari (o walang nangyayari) kahapon pa...

***

Pasko kahapon pero hindi ka masaya kaya hindi na din ako masaya. Nagdidiyeta pa ako kaya talagang parang hindi pasko. "Hay," ang nilalaman ng kalahati ng kabuuang mga text messages na ipinadala mo sa akin. Nalulungkot ako. Nagsisisi ako. Gusto ko sabihin ang "Sorry" nang paulit ulit, kahit alam ko namang hindi ko kasalanan kung bakit wala kang magawa. Yun nga lang, pakiramdam ko kasalanan ko at hindi kita mapasaya. Bakit nga ba ganoon kapag mahal mo ang isang tao? Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko kailangan kitang panatilihing masaya. Pero siguro kasi gusto ko ring maging masaya ako. Eh hindi ko naman kayang maging masaya kung nagkakaganyan ka.

Oo, malayo tayo at hindi tayo makakapagkita nang ilang araw. Pareho lang naman tayong nalulungkot pero anong magagawa natin? Heto nga ako nagpapakalunod sa pag-aaral para hindi kita mamiss. Naggupit na nga ako ng damo sa garden kahapon para lang mawala yung stress. Nagkuskos ako ng pader para matanggal yung mga lumot, para lang mapagod ako at hindi kita masyado maisip. Pero kinukulit mo ko. Kinukulit ako ng kalungkutan mo na hindi ko naman mapawi ng simpleng *mwah* o *hug* sa text.

***

Kagabi, sana natulog na lang ako. Nagbalak kasi akong magpuyat sa pagrerewrite ng lahat ng notes ko kaya uminom ako ng kape na naglalaman ng dalawang pakete ng San Mig Coffee na Strong. Eh kinulit mo nanaman ako. Gusto mo akong makita.

Ako din gusto din kitang makita, pero paano? Eh hindi naman ako pinapayagang lumabas lalo na kapag hindi naman Official Business. Nakakainis, kung pwede lang sana na nandito ka nung pasko kaysa mag-isa ka sa bahay ninyo. Kaso hindi pwede. Ano bang magagawa ko.

Matapos kong inumin ang kape, habang hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko dahil may period ako, tumingin ako sa bintana at nakita kong maliwanag ang buwan. Full moon. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit napakalakas ng epekto ng buwan sa akin, kaya ayun. Nangisay na ako habang iniisip kita at dinudurog ng laman ko yung puso ko na tumatalon sa pericardial cavity. Ang sakit. Ang hapdi. Ang hirap na wala akong magawa. Parang napakasimple lang ng mga salitang I miss you pero anong sakit na hindi maipaliwanag. Higit tatlong oras ako sa ganoong kalagayan hanggang sa makatulog ako nang bandang alas dos ng madaling araw. Natuyo na lang ang mga luha sa mga pisngi ko.

***

Ang hirap gumising kapag makulimlim, malamig at umaambon. Hindi na ako kumain ng agahan. Uminom na lang ako ng Milo. Ang hirap gumising kapag walang masayang pagbati ng "Good morning baby!" na mula sa'yo. Ano bang magagawa ko para sa'yo?

Kailan ka ba sasaya? Gusto ko na din kasing sumaya...

MERRY X-AMS

2007-12-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

Yeah right, natalo kami sa lantern parade pero sino ba ang mas makulay? sino ba ang mas magandang lantern??? sino ang mas maraming pakulo? sino ang mas masaya???? HAHA. Wala kayong maipagmamalaki sa amin! Mabuhay ang College of Pharmacy!

Mabuhay ang Toxic! Ang kumakarir! Ang next Level gumawa! It doesn't matter kung lutuan ang nangyari, basta we did our best and it's obviously FAR Better than the rest.

Talk about bitter.

-------------***----------------

Ahh... sudden vacation mode, but in a few minutes i'll be attending to my holiday homeworks... review... Or else I'll start the new year with a shining shimmering singko. Forget the non academic college activities. I've had too much. I think it's time to focus on what will benefit me directly, an that is my acads. My grades! No more failed exams... ahhh... then another new year's resolution list. Topped with umm... weight control? ugh... one more year left and i'm twenty. Gosh! My barkada is turning twenty this coming year! We're not teens anymore! and it's weird because we will now write our age starting with a number 2 instead of 1.... hahaha.

Rubbish

rubbish

Rubbish

rUbbish

Rubbish

rUbbish

ruBbish

----did you get the pattern? ugh! RUBBISH!

i'm so full of nonsense already... til next post...

Ish!

Of Parades and Professors

2007-12-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

WE ARE TOXIC
-and what is new in that?
-----

Why should we be very active? Batch, Orgs, the whole college!

I don't know what to prioritize... Props, my laboratory class tomorrow, decorations, our choir practice.... And uhh... an exam, yup.

Our monthsary even passed uneventfully (at least between us), because we were both soooo busy and we had to say sorry to each other in advance...

And! lots of chismis going around these days...
About parades and profs... Hahaha.

Talk of the Town number 6...
Lantern parade is coming up! And we don't know if the neighboring whites have wireless spying cameras or if its just a bad case of telepathy between the studes, that same materials are being gathered??? Too bad... Let's just wait and see how you use them!

Talk of the Town number 5...
A prof admits to be a sleepaholic just like one of her students... ;p and spreads really cool stories about her colleagues. One of which was about one prof who, when she was a student, was late and banged the door on the prof on the other side... ahahaha.

Talk of the Town number 4...
The last sem's goody goody sweet and nice tweetums prof, turned villain overnight! And this sem's terror threatens the case discussions... (But she's still quite nice outside class)

Talk of the Town number 3...
Our Favorite SOL Diva is leaving next sem... and aww... she's really my favorite. I've been shielded from the harsh environments in all my PhCh Lab classes because of her! But she seems to make the most of her remaining time building wonderful and sometimes intrguing memories with people! In fact, she has established an underground fit and right organization which even I am not sure of!

Talk of the Town number 2...
Sshhh.. She who must not be named is back! And I can feel everyone shivering as she sardonically shows her 2 rows of teeth... All necks turn till they break when she walks by... And yes, a real terror threatening to start the new year with a bang in the Thursday Class! Haha... I hope she loves morning classes... Anyway, an international level of education is not that bad... I wonder what she got from Utah this time?

Talk of the Town number 1!!!!!!
She's BLACK LISTED! Codenames are now available... Javi, Mcdo, Patty, etc! She's popular for spreading her irritating attitude, and her high pitched voice blabbering nonsense when she claims that she had been a top in something is the last thing that you would want to hear when you go to school and study. A total loser. Hate-able creature! JUST LIKE THE OTHER... The Irritating creature that just lacked an o in her nickname to become a terror. Curse them! Truly unworthy! Rotten tomatoes! AAAARGGG!!!!!!!!

(*pant*) im gonna be fine! We're gonna be fine!!!!

rest if you must but never quit

2007-10-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

This sem has just officially ended!
(Pero kunwari, tapos na to. *fingers crossed*)

Things I Learned and I wish I Learned This Sem:

1. I learned the difference between relaxing and being lazy.
Ang gawaing patambay tambay habang sinasabing, "HOO!!!! Mamaya na yan!!!!" ay hindi nakabubuti sa pag-unlad ng iyong pagkatao... PROVEN. Hahaha.. Ito ay isang sakit na nakakaadik lalo na't may mga kasama ka sa pagsasatupad nito... TAKE NOTE: Nakakahawa. At hindi ka nito basta basta lulubayan... Oo, dapat magrelax relax paminsan, pero hindi palagi!!!!

2. I wish I learned to sleep at home, not in class.
Sino ba namang hindi nahihiyang matulog sa harap ng Prof?????????????????? (HOY NAHIHIYA DIN AKO NOH!) pero hindi ko talaga mapigilan... Kala ko nga narcoleptic na ako eh... (T_T) Kung alam niyo lang yung feeling. AYAW KONG MATULOG! Pero Inaantok talaga ako! Sorry Sir Balotro... Mam Ilao! Sir Glenn! Sir Salenga!!! Mam Barci! Mam JOT!!!(Kahit sa discussion niya sa lab nakatulog na ako...) Huhu.. Nagsisisi na po ako... kaya nga eto, kinakabahan pa rin ako sa stat... Kasi boring na nga yung subject, pinapaboring pa ng prof (Peace!) Kids, huwag niyo akong gagayahin.. It takes some time to perfect the art of pretending na masakit ang ulo para hindi naman masyado maoffend ang prof, o magkunwaring nagsusulat at nakayuko pero tulog na... (actually, hindi ako nagkukunwari - nakakatulog talaga ako habang nagsusulat!)

3. The solution to your problems is not always suicide.
(I never said it may be suicide - hehe)
Tatlong beses kong naencounter ang word na pagpapatiwakal ngayong sem. Una, yung isang taong heart broken... Tsk3... Ako, sa pinaghalo-halong acads, emotions at pang-aapi... Tsk3... At yung isa, dahil hindi na daw niya kaya... Tsk3... Ayun. Okay pa naman kaming tatlo ngayon. Alive and kicking. Naisip ko lang... Nakakamatay ba talaga ang overdose ng caffeine? Hahaha... anyways, If I did it, and if it is really fatal, hindi ko mararanasan yung ganitong kasiyahan! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ang swerte ko. Kasi kahit anong kalokohan ang pumasok sa isip ko, nagpapadala si Lord ng angel para batukan ako at ipaalala na mahal niya ako... Mahal na mahal... At mahal ko din Siya, kaya minamahal ko ung angel na pinadala niya sakin... (HAHA! MUSHY!) Basta masuwerte ako... I am so lucky.

4. I wish I learned to control my emotions.
I am extremely emotional! Lalo na kapag sobrang stressed na. Kahit ano, kahit sino, pwedeng magtrigger ng activation ng lacrimal glands ko at yung secretions ay hindi na kayang madrain sa lacrimal punctum kaya tatapon na sa cheeks ko... ayun. In short, naging sobrang iyakin ako ngayong sem. Kahit saan... Sa harap ng class sa harap ng prof... sa Wendy's... Anywer! Hahaha... Ayos lang. May lysozymes naman yung tears ko. Siguradong linis na linis ang byutilicious ever shiny shimmering puss in boots eyes ko! Hehehe.

5. I learned that to be humble is better than to be humiliated by your own pride.
Oo na... Kailangan ko ng tulong ng ibang tao. Natuto akong magpaturo sa iba dahil kailangan ko. Kailangan ko nga palang magpasalamat. Kina P.A., Ian, Ate Che, Kuya Ganch, Randy* at sa lahat ng napagfotoxan ko ng notes this sem... SALAMAT PO! Grabe... Sa totoo lang, I felt so stupid nung simula tuwing nagpapaturo ako o nag-aask na maturuan... Hay. I had to hide my red ears... Pero kaya lang naman feeling ko napapahiya ako kapag nagpapaturo ako, dahil kasi mayabang ako! dati... Hindi na ngayon. (^_^) At kung magkataon na may maituturo din ako at may nangangailangan... Tutulungan ko din siya. Hehe!

6. I learned that I am good at taking exams but that doesn't mean that I'm more intelligent because of my higher scores.
Ayun. Tumpak. Huling huli ko ang style ng mga prof lalo na pag ang type of test ay may choices, plus buhay ang psychic powers ko... Yun ang nagamit ko sa CHEM 150. Bobo ako sa Chem 150, pero himalang na-exempt ako. WALA AKONG NATUTUHAN, kasi lagi akong tulog sa class o kaya nagdo-drawing ng prof... himalang na-exempt pa ako! (T_T) Pero I repeat, BOBO ako sa CHEM 150, kaya wag ninyo akong tularan. Gumising kayo at makinig kayo sa prof. Hindi effective ang style ko sa Major subjects ko... Tuloy, hindi ko maipagmalaki yung grades ko.

7. I learned that letting anger pass is a good way to maintain S.I.R.
Oo, smooth interpersonal relationships. Minsan, kahit nakakagalit naman talaga ang mga ibang ginagawa ng tao. Hayaan mo nalang. makakalimutan mo din yun. Wala ka pang problema. Anyways, kung wala naman akong pakialam sa kabutihan niya, hindi ko na kailangan mag-effort at mastress sa pag-correct sa mali niya. Haha. Bawas wrinkles on my part. ; p

8. I learned that having a boyfriend is not a reason for having poor grades.
Ayaw na ayaw kong madinig na kaya mababa ang grades ko, kasi nagkaboyfriend ako. HALLER! Though He's an extra priority, hindi siya ang dahilan ng mababang grades ko... Haha! Mahirap talaga ang sem. Kahit tanungin pa ang mga singles na mas konti pa ang subjects kesa sakin... Haha! Basta masaya na ako at makakagraudate on time pa rin ako noh! Kinaklaro ko lang!

9. I am learning not to pity my self, instead I change, I act.
Oo, masarap apihin ang sarili. Masarap lumugmok, sumimangot, umiyak. Mas madali kasi yun kaysa kumilos. Yan ang prinsipyo ng taong walang buto. Oo, guilty ako na naging ganyan ako. Walang buto (puro balat at fats lang). Pero nagbabago ako. at malayo na narating ko. Salamat kay Badi. Kanino pa ba? Hayy... Mas masaya kapag gumagawa ka ng paraan para hindi ka maawa sa sarili mo. Kahit pa hindi ka magtagumpay sa mga unang pagkakataon, matututo ka rin... At masaya yun!

10. Marami pa akong matutunan.

Thank God Bakasyon na!!!! Kahit one week lang halos!!!! OK na rin yun! Hehehe.

HAPPY VACATION PEOPLE!

60 days 3 hours and 4 minutes

2007-08-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the hour to come...
Being thankful...
Loving...
infinitely

"Spider Pig" on the background

2007-08-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

The scent of heaven
lingers still in my mouth
so sweet I can even taste it
Such wonderful bliss
today's memory sings
as I lie down and reminisce
The look of mystery
glowing in his soul
despite the dark surrounding
I want to cry,
and sing, and shout
the love that wants to burst.
But the most I can do
is to sit here still
and excitedly pour it out.
And now I must say
that I cannot forget
the grin that crossed his lips.
For the joyous miracle
I cannot contain's
the best gift ever unwrapped.

Let the World

2007-07-21T08:58:00.000+08:00

Let the world worry itself
while I sit here with you
All that seemed important
don't really matter now

Let the world solve its problems
while I hold you close
We may both be sad,
but none's luckier than us

Let the world be bitter
while we stay blind for a minute
They may never understand
but we surely know why

Let the world whirl and cry
while we rest in each others arms
we can all die in an instant
but surely I will with a smile on my lips

The ultimate end of Freedom is Love. - Viktor Frankl

2007-06-21T20:07:00.000+08:00

Friends... This is it! Hehehe.

Natutuwa ako. Parang scripted lahat ng nangyari. Pati setting. Pati date. Parang may nagplano... Wah... June 12, Independence Day. Sa ilalim ng pinakamalaking puno sa UPM. hehehe... Kulang na lang, falling leaves... Haha. Official na. Hayyyy... Maybe, it was chance. destiny. chamba. but in the end, a decision was made. Hehe! Kami na. Nagsimula sa isang maliit na papel na naglalaman ng pangalan nyang nabunot ko 3 years ago ang dahilan... At hindi ko alam kung bakit noong wala pa akong idea kung ano ang mangyayari 3 years later, ay nagkaroon ng "moment" sa ala-ala ko na hindi ko malilimutan... Hahaha... Salamat sa lahat ng naging dahilan. Sa lahat ng sumusuporta... Salamat po.

Wala na akong masabi. *sigh. Hehe. (^_^)

Radically, Unexpectedly, Amazingly

2007-06-08T07:21:00.000+08:00

Last last night, the moon was tinted red and I was feeling so sick (colds...)

I was hurting from the Present situation, and I could not bear pretending anymore. So I tried to end getting myself hurt, even if I had to sacrifice a great friendship that I valued so much from the start. It was all my fault. And I was crying and hurting with the motorola L6 on my hand. And what kind of psychic connection do I have with this person from the Past that told me he wants to talk to me. And there, he says sorry for all the wrong thins he has done to me, even if I've forgiven him, a long long time ago. I've completely forgotten my bitterness about that Past and now here he is, feeling guilty. I was laughing with him again, and I shared to him for the first time, my Present hurtful situation. And he was still like the good old friend I had, during the good old times. I was glad, he asked me to call (it was too late, and the people in our house will be alarmed if they saw me on the phone). My hurt feeling was diffused, but I'm getting sicker. So I put down the phone and went back to this concerned Person who was getting worried already because of what was happenning to me. I was feeling so lost that night, my head aching like it's squashed by a wheel of a ten-wheeler truck. And I decided to stop all sorts of pretending, I had nothing to lose because I felt that if I can sacrifice one great friendship in order to stop pretending and hurting, I could do anything. And so I did. I was bangag, because of my nose, my head, while my whole room was bathed in moonlight, as if I was in some kind of stage play with a spotlight on me. (wait... I'm not on drugs ha, I wish I took some medication nga eh kaso ayaw ko...)

So I told this concerned person that I like him, without thinking what would happen next. He's the only confidante I have left, and I didn't care if I'll lose him too. And like a good old story in a highschool magazine, I didn't lose him, too. I have him now, and that's kind of weird. I couldn't understand it at first, because I felt like I was in some sort of a gag show. But it was true.

So many things happened in one night.

A very ironic thing.

The person, I tried to keep by pretending - I lost.
The person, I was willing to lose because of the truth - I have now.

In one night.

Radical, unexpected, amazing.

Thank God , I look forward to today, and tomorrow...

I can't help but feel inspired. (^_^)

Last Night...

2007-05-27T14:43:00.000+08:00

liStEN tO thE whiSpER

Of thE mOANiNg wiND...

thE EARth EcStAtic

with thE kiSS Of RAiN.

thE thiRSt Of thE liviNg,

SuDDENlY quENchED.

NO SilENcE, AN ORchEStRA

Of miNiAtuRE SOuNDS...

ThE DEEp chARcOAl SkY

wEDgED BY light,

ON cRAckliNg RumblES

All NAtuRE ExcitES!

thE ExhiliRAtiNg SplENDOR

tONight'S SEASON pROviDES

cAN ONlY BE SO Dull

withOut YOu BY mY SiDE...

dedicated to... (it's in the poem)

Verses

2007-05-08T17:35:00.000+08:00

I realized today:

The thing of yesterday
suddenly washed away
and figure out, I can't
where the feeling just went.

But something I realized:

Feelings don't stay.
Different moods per day.
One moment is a rose,
the next nobody knows.

And it's really trouble
unless you become noble
by giving commitment
in some unsure event.

You could hurt more than one
If you only want fun
But worry not 'bout your feel,
If that thing is for real.

Silence = good

2007-05-08T16:52:00.000+08:00

Barely breathing, the city aches under the heat. And I know that the subcutaneous fats under my dermis are melting... But heck, I luv this day. I feel so different. Maybe it's because I spend so much time alone this summer. I only have brief interactions with my friends during small parts of the day. I discovered that I missed being with myself. Oh, I love being always with my close friends, but when they're around I can't help but to talk and talk to them about anything, even nonsense.

It feels good to be silent without anyone asking you if you're okay because you're unusually silent. I mean, I don't seem to be weird if I don't say a word because I'm alone. Silence is a good thing. It calms the heart. Gives you time to think. Listen to the world, to yourself, to God. Moments of silence with yourself should be cherished especially if your life is so hectic. (I'm referring to the regular semester.) And honestly, in the morning, I'm less sarcastic and wacky than when I'm with my usual tropa, but I really miss them too... (^_^)

----*************
Contrary to the topic of this entry, I wasn't into silence today. Some weird feeling came to me today and that is a feeling of strong security when I'm with this individual. Oh yeah, and submission. Have I told you that I love being submissive to some people. But I have to tell you, I choose my boss. (Haha!) And I was talking and laughing moderately kanina. Hehe.

Oh well.. I'm feeling better now...

Irritability: A Characteristic of Life

2007-05-06T17:30:00.000+08:00

My botany and zoology profs both said this in their lecture. And it is true.
(Forgive me, I'm using it in a different context.)

The long bitter war betwen the oh-im-so-pretty-look-at-my-new-doll-shoes-wait-theres-a-cutie-over-there type of girl and the commoner continues. Ugh. I hate it.

Ampalaya flows through my every blood vessel again...

And another person irritates me with this, "pupulutin lang eh. Di ka na makayuko dahil masyado kang mataas por que taga UP ka?" (Well I was just asking why I have to pick up this person's trash.)

Ahh... Life.

Father Abet read to us, "Love one another."

Oh this commandment is not as easy as it sounds. Especially if I'm feeling like a normal person.

And today, I was tested. Lahat ng tao dito, ako yung tinitira ngayon. Peste.

I can't find these things funny, because as I said, I'm feeling like a normal person today.

And I really think that I'm a living thing. I'm irritable.

con-Template

2007-05-05T16:10:00.000+08:00

I feel bad about having to stick to this blog template.

I've transformed this blog a long time ago into something which reflects my personality but now its gloomier than a dusty rat in the attic.

*sigh. This just means that I'm left out (again) when it comes to net stuff. I can't understand the codes anymore... (T_T)

Ugh... I'm just glad that the posts are still here. And that's what matters to me.

And now, I don't know why I have to write in english... again. Maybe it really has something to do with this template.

I hate it.

"It is love when, not loving is a burden."

2007-05-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

-by enix c.

Oh yeah.

Isang taon nang may mga clue dito sa blog ko. Hyukhyukhyuk.

--***--
Hoorah! the poet hath blessed my free verseth scribbling below!

Found a reason to smile, since yesterday...

Gnyt world.

Flattered!

2007-05-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

I stood on nothing...
confused at my enlightenment
you knew everything about him
yet you missed one thing
you were aware of how I felt
how I hoped, how I wept.
You knew so well what I wanted
But one secret I thought I'd keep
mixed with wonder and confidence I let slip
from the clutches of my heart.
And I was glad
because that night you knew,
you were flattered,
he was you.

HAhahaha. Wala akong masabi. Hyukhyukhyuk. Masenti weirdo kahit ano na. Kahit kadiri man o nakakatawa. HAhaha!!! MAintriga kayo! Juks.

Verses found a way back to my veins!

Special thanks to KBR, kahit opposite yung inadvice nya, I found strength to disobey! At suportado naman ako! wee... buti nalang. tralalala.

Hahahaha. Habang tumatagal, lalong walang nakakaintindi sa blog ko. Muhahaha. Mainggit kayo! dibale, next time!

Hueihuihaw!

Mocha Banana Fridge Cake

2007-04-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

Tamang tama ang timpla ng Mocha Banana Fridge Cake, kaya humihingi ako ng tawad sa lahat ng ka-GChan ko. Kay I*n ko lang po yun natutuhan (Biro lang).

Hayy... Nalulungkot ako, kasi talagang nadali yung block namin sa sem na to... Hanggang ngayon, hindi din naman ako makapagdiwang kasi limbo pa rin ako sa 21...

Grabe... Hindi ko talaga inakalang ganito ang mangyayari sa new curriculum. Sana lang, marealize nila ito at i-adjust para naman sa kinabukasan ng mga susunod na henerasyon ng pharm students... Nag-aaalala na ako para sa buddy ko at para sa lower batch... Hay.

Masarap ang Mocha Banana Fridge Cake, tulad ng mga biyaya ni Papa Jesus sa atin. Sana hindi tayo maging bulag sa mga biyayang ito... Swerte tayo... Iwasan natin ang pag-seself pity, dahil kung puro sarili lang natin ang kinaaawaan natin, paano natin makikita ang kalagayan ng ibang tao na mas nangangailangan?... Muli, humihingi ako ng patawad sa mga panahon na reklamo ako ng reklamo tungkol sa buhay ko... Iniyak-iyakan ko pa... Salamat sa mga Mocha Banana Fridge Cake ng buhay ko.

Imbento ko lang ang recipe ng Mocha Banana Fridge Cake. Pero nakuha ko ang idea sa isang recipe book. Ganoon din ang buhay natin, matuto tayo sa kuwento ng ibang tao, para mapatino natin ang buhay natin.

Masarap ang Mocha Banana Fridge Cake dahil hindi lang ito puro tamis, may konting pait din ng kape, at kakaibang flavor ng tsokolate. Hindi rin lang ito puro cream mixture, dahil nilagyan ko ito ng maraming saging, para maneutralize ang nakakasawang lasa at para din dumami ito. My dinurog din itong Graham para matawag itong cake. At alam niyo ba, may ihinalo akong isang "palpak" na ginawang lumang chocolate na walang gustong kumain dito sa bahay, at lalo pa itong sumarap. Sikreto to! At oo, maraming sikreto sa Pharm. Hindi lang ang mga problema, ang mga style ng kalokohan sa Lab pag nakatalikod si M_.***. Mga loveteam na sila na pala, mga lihim na poot. Pero dahil sa mga sikretong ito lalong sumasarap mabuhay sa Pharm. Hindi iisa ang mararamdaman mo sa Buhay, Halu-halong pakiramdam. Nakakasuka kung puro pait, at nakakasuya kung puro tamis, kaya tamang-tama ang timpla ni Papa Jesus dito. Parte ng buhay ang kapalpakan pero kung tama ang paghalo mo dito sa buhay, lalo kang lalakas at ma-eenjoy mo lalo ang sarap mabuhay, kung naranasan at nalagpasan mo ang hirap ng kapalpakan na hindi dinanas ng iba.

Maarte at matagal akong gumawa ng Mocha Banana Fridge Cake. Una isang layer ng dinurog na graham na nilagyan ng butter para tumigas, Binuhusan ng kaunting mocha-cream fill, tapos pantay-pantay na nilatagan ng mga saging na hiniwang pabilog, tapos tinakpan ng pantay pantay na graham crackers at maarteng hiwa ng mga saging at saka binuhusan ng mocha cream fill. Tinakpan uli ng crushed graham na may butter, tapos nilagyan ng maarteng saging at chokolateng itinago sa crushed graham. viola.

Ngayon, kung ikaw ay nasa saging sa ilalim, malalaman mo ba ang kabuuang disenyo ng cake?

HINDI. ANG ALAM MO LANG AY TINABUNAN KA NG GRAHAM AT TINAPUNAN KA NG MALAGKIT NA CREAM. Maaring mabigat ang iyong dinadala, sticky ang iyong sitwasyon, pero ito ang pundasyon ng buhay mo at ng kinabukasan mo. Mahirap maging saging sa ilalim, pero maiintindihan mo lang ang lahat, kapag buo na ang cake. Makikita mo rin ang buong cake. Ngayon, kung mabubulok ka, maganda man at maarte ang cake sa ibabaw, pangit parin ang loob nito. Hindi masarap. Mahalaga ang saging sa ilalim. siguraduhing fresh at masarap ang lasa.

Ilalagay sa freezer ang Mocha Banana Fridge Cake. Malungkot at malamig sa loob ng Freezer, isipin mo, kasama mo ang mga patay na isda, tinagpas na parte ng mga baboy at baka, at snow. Pero kailangang magtiis, dahil ang mga bagay na ito ang bubuo sa pagiging cake ng Mocha Banana Fridge Cake. Sa bandang huli, masarap, malamig at satisfying ang Mocha Banana Fridge Cake ng buhay natin.

Muli, nawa'y matuto tayo sa kuwento ng Mocha Banana Fridge Cake, para kapag dumating na ang oras na kakainin na ito, masasabi natin na nakabubusog, tama ang timpla at kapaki-pakinabang ito.

Hekhekhek. May sense ba? Puro pagkain nanaman iniisip ko! Hay... (^_^)

I LOVE BLOCK 24, 2005-BSP!!! *mwah*

*GC= Grade Conscious. A.k.a. Gracon.

2007-04-10T12:15:00.000+08:00

GWA: 2.729 ( WARNING ) --- the GC Series Continues

Ang galing. Hanggang ngayon, (ngayon ko lang kasi nakita) hindi ako makapaniwala na magkakaroon ako ng warning sign sa CRS grades view ko.

Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng WARNING? Ano naman ang balak nitong ipahiwatig?

Hindi ako makapaniwala na magkakaroon ako ng record na( aba), kahit subjects ko sa CAS, line of 2 lang ang makukuha ko. (Alam kong may mga sniper na dyan)

Bakit?? Bakit??? wala man lang 1.sumthin??? Dahil ba payat ang numerong 1, at mas nababagay daw sakin ang mga numerong mas mataba tulad ng 2,3,4,5?

Ang galing ng numerong 4. Kung titignan natin, unstable siya. Bulky yung upper part niya pero ang support niya ay isang stick lang. Kung ang mga numero ay nagsasayaw (tulad sa paningin ni Jeng, at kung ang sulat ay 3D at gumagalaw din( tulad ng pangarap ni Mam Tan para sa aromatic pi electrons niya), ang 4 ay gegewang gewang either papunta sa 3 o sa 5. Ang galing no! Pero diba mas malamang na sa 3 siya pupunta dahil mas mabigat yung part sa side ng 3?

Hah! Nagegets niyo ba ako? Ako hindi. Wala nalang akong masulat dito, kaya pati numbers kinukwento ko nalang.

Hay, ngayon lang kasi ako ng 4 eh. May nagsabi sa akin dati na huwag ko daw kakalimutan ang numerong 4.

Ano ang alam ko sa numerong 4?

1. Yun daw ang favorite number niya.
2. Ako yata yung pang-apat niyang girlaloo noon (sabi niya hindi naman daw, ok fyn.)
3. 4 kaming magkakapatid at pang-apat ako.
4. Malas ang 4 sa mga intsik. Death daw ang ibig sabihin nito, kaya walang 4th floor ang ibang buildings. (Pero alam ko ang death, Mata, diba? Hehe. Diba nga, sa Oro Plata Mata na pamahiin sa stairs...)
5. 4 yung grade ko sa 21, sa ngayon. Tignan natin kung san siya gegewang after ng removals.
6. 4 kami sa pamilyang butanding.
7. 4, ayoko na ng 4!!! 3 nalang... sige na...

WARNING: Ang entry na to ay pawang ka-GChan* lang. Kung nabasa mo, malas mo.

HAY, at ang ever defense mechanism ng bayan: "At least pumasa! OK na yun!"

SUPER SALAMAT SA SEM, SOBRA

2007-04-02T06:34:00.000+08:00

I Missed March!

April na ngayon at kamusta naman, I can't believe I survived March. Hindi lang hell weeks ang meron, Hell month siya talaga! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm alive. Oye.

Ngayon, ang inaalala ko nalang ay yung dalawa dun sa tatlong subject na nagfinals ako. hmmm... Pero nabobother talaga ako sa 21... Papasa kaya ako.??? Baka ma-underload ako next sem kapag di ako pumasa... Hmmm....

Grabe, ilang beses din ako umiyak nang nakaharap sa tao nung March.

1. (T_T)
2. (T_T)
3. (T_T)
4. (T_T)
5. (T_T)

ayan, 5 times. Sa school, sa bahay, etc.

Di naman ako iyakin talaga, grabe lang talaga mga nangyari.

Pero nakalagpas ako.
Salamat naman. At hindi ko magagawa yun kung wala ang mga taong ito na makailang ulit na pinatahan, sinamahan at nakiiyak sa akin.

1. Mga magulang ko, at mga kuya ko. Pinakain nila ako, (wag na daw akong umiyak, ikain nalang.)
2. JJ, salamat dahil tinupad mo yung sabi mo na hindi mo ko pababayaan. Hindi ko alam kung makakabalik pa ko sa normal kung hindi dahil sayo.
3. Ian, sa panahon na wala akong panahon at lakas sa acads, nariyan ka upang igapang yung mga lab natin, (Sorry groupmates) at para ipaalala sa akin yung mga kailangan ko sa mga subjects natin. Sorry din kung ikaw ang napagbubuhusan ko ng sama ng loob.
4. Kuya Buddy, waah... Mula nung first year, kinareer mo na talaga ang pagiging kuya ko. Mula sa mga libro, gamit, suporta nung eleksyon, pagtuturo, salamat kuya! Di ako makakaabot sa ganito kung wala ka...
5. EJ, Yen, Joyce. at Mamaber at Tin Uts. at Camille at She. Pinapasaya niyo ko, alam niyo ba yun? Sa simpleng batuhan natin ng asaran at pambubully sa isa't isa, lumiligaya ako. Hahaha! Nawawala ang isip ko sa mga problema.
6. Java, sabi ko sayo kaya mo yan eh. Ang galing mo talaga. Naging karamay kita noong panahon na grabe na talaga ang mga nangyayari.
7. Kuya Ganch, Ate Virg, Ate Cucai, Ate Rianna, at lahat ng ate at kuya ko sa CHANGE at PROPHARM... Salamat po. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin gets kung bakit ako yung isinabak niyo, pero napakarami ko pong natutunan. Humihingi din po ako ng tawad sa mga hindi ko nameet na expectations niyo. Salamat po sa mga panahon na pinatahan at pinagbigyan ninyo ako. Salamat po. Sa mga PROPHARMers, salamat sa pagtitiwala ninyo sa akin. I'll do my best para sa inyo!
8. PA, salamat sa pagshare ng knowledge mo sa akin. Wala kang tiwala sa sarili mo, pero naniniwala ako sa'yo. Ikaw nga ang nagpapalakas sa mga tao sa paligid mo eh. Salamat dahil kahit kailan, di ka naging biased. salamat. Salamat.
9. Mam Peji, at Mam TAR. Alam ko pong hindi ninyo ito mababasa, pero gusto ko na ring magpasalamat. Nakakatouch po at may mga prof na umiintindi sa mga sentimyento ng mga estudyante. Marami na po sa amin ang umiyak, at yung mga salita niyo po ang nag-iinspire sa amin.
10. Friendly friends, from BENE at UP. Yung mga kaibigang bihira ko makita, pero nagpaparamdam thru text at e-mail. Sorry kung hindi ako makareply. Pero salamat at kahit papaano naaalala niyo ako. Miss ko na kayo. Isa kayo sa mga pinagkukunan ko ng lakas. Kahit alam kong hindi niyo alam yung pakiramdam ng mga dinanas ko, alam kong nandyan talaga kayo para mag-alala, sumuporta, at magcheer sa akin. SALAMAT!

Hay!

Salamat po! 100X

---

Grabe, last Feb 18 pa pala yung huli kong entry dito...

Holy Week na, pero may ipapasa pa kong paper. Huli na to for this sem, at mamaya nang 12 ang deadline! Di pa ko tapos. Haha. Oye, this week sususlat ulit ako dito. Grabe. Namiss ko talaga net. Sana marami na ulit magblog.

Panu ba yan mga tsong. Hay, tapos na ang sem! Naibuga na ang pwedeng ibuga! Hanggang Hope and Pray nalang ako ngayon. Hay... Sana maging maayos ang lahat. Sa mga blockmates ko, kaya natin to! Go team!

That in all things, God may be Glorified!

Happy Vacation!

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

2007-02-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

Iwaksi ang kamalasan ng nakaraang taon!
Salubungin ang swerte ng taon ng Baboy sa Apoy! (Lechon)

******

Hahahaha!!!!!!!!! Ansaya-saya kumanta nang kumanta. Kaya bang imemorize yan????

Song list para sa Siklab:
1. Love is the Answer
2. Lupang Hinirang
3. Minsan Lang
4. Kundiman
5. Saan ka man Naroroon
6. Maala-ala mo kaya
7. Ay! ay! ay! Pag-ibig
8. Ikaw ang mahal ko.. Ikaw ang mahal ko.. (Anu ba yung title?!!? nkalimutan ko!)
9. Bituing Marikit
10. Gaano Kita kamahal

Hm... Amphoteric na din ako. Minsan soprano, minsan alto. Wahahahah!

*****

Anime! Bakit parang ansungit mo talaga? Hahahaha... Rival pala ha. Ayus.

******

Huewihuihai. Kaialangan kong matulog kasi sabi ng kaklase ko, "O... chai... ok ka lang ba? May sakit ka?"

TRANSLATION: Anlaki na ng eyebags mo tsong, mukha ka nang zombie na stressed out at naaagnas. in short--- ang pangit mo na!

Hahaha! Eh panu ba yan? I'm Juggling 3 extraco's recently at hoorah! May exam na ulit sa thursday! After naman ng puyatan sa friday, fieldtrip sa saturday kaya kailangan gumising ng super aga! MAg-overnight na kaya ako sa school? Hmm... Pwede rin.!

*****
Coalition of Hardworking students Addressing Needs for Growth and Excellence

We all need CHANGE! Tamang tama para sa new year! Hahaha! Nako, pag nanalo kami, siguradong gaganda at sasaya lalo ang Pharm! Abangan nyo ang pagbabago!

*****

Hmm... Hindi na ko masyado nababother, pero nagtataka lang ako.. Ano kaya yung bumabagabag kebudidey last time? hmmm... hmm... hmm... ANu kaya? Anu kaya? Anu kaya? Nafifreak out ako pag feeling ko, nagpapabasa siya ng iniisip. Ganito yung mukha nya. (o_O) tapos ako ganito. (?_?) Nyahh....

Salot kasi ang globe eh. Kelan ba babalik yung dating unli??? Nagglobe na ko kasi kala ko permanent na yun! Pinaasa nya ko! Wah... Nasira na tuloy yung dati kong sun na sim. Hmm... Badtrip, di ko na makausap yung mga dating katext ko ng nonsense. Ampf! Pati yung mga importante, tinatamad na rin ako magtext kasi nanghihinayang ako sa load. Haha.

*****

Hay, feel na feel ko yung Homily kanina. Nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi ako nahihirapan na maging peaceful. I mean, ako yung tipong kahit awayin o tratuhin ng masama, di ko talaga mafeel na ma-enraged! Ewan. Passive ba ko? Non-violent? Ewan. Minsan nga, talagang pinagdadasal ko nalang sila. At saka kahit ayaw ko sa tao, professional pa rin ako makitungo sa kanila. Saka isa pa, hindi naman dapat nagju-judge kagad ng iba diba? Ewan, may kaaway ba ko? Meron nga ba? Wala talaga ako maalala. Kung meron dyan, magpakilala ka naman para maisip ko nga kung may kaaway ba ko talaga. Wala talaga ako maalala. Grade 3 pa yung huling super naging kaaway ko at super close friends na kami ngayon. Sad nga, tagal na kami di nagkikita.

*****

It's inside me
I can't tell you
It eats my soul with every thought of you
Hanging memories of the present
but my love is stronger than this
I shouldn't let it out
lest our destruction follows
I've no reason for this
I try to hide it when you stare
no, not ever
will you ever know
i immensely love it
And I'm sure you will
But no, you can't
Not us.
Just me.

******

I love you like a little puppy
when your face lights up with glee
when you're most innocent and naughty
when you're tired and lean on me.

When I'm wasted you're there
Trying to show me you care
When I'm all lost and down
you hold me and remove my frown

But still it's all I feel
I don't know how long it will
Nothing more nothing less
At present, tomorrow's nice.

*****

What can be stronger
than love and friendship
put together they will
last forever but still
something else buds up
tries to steal away peace
makes things complicated
clouds of doubt and worry
but no, friendship is stable
don't excite, because if
unnecessary energy is added
another unstable state
will occur, when the color is expressed
energy is lost
but still, friendship will be friendship
with love, it's still friendship
Love is more than something else.
Love is friendship, not more than friendship.
It holds together, yet it holds back.
Wait. wait. I'm not waiting for true love.
Rather, I'm truly loving, that's why I wait.

____________WoRLd PeAcE_________

Piling Titik

2007-02-04T13:52:00.000+08:00

Bakanteng pahina
nakatitig sa akin
kuryente, electron, radiation
sumisilaw sa mata ko

Sa kasalukuyan iisa
nalang na Santo Papa
ang di nabibigyang ngalan
Ano nang susunod?

Bansang Kiribati
burado na sa mapa
dahil sa pabayang tao
kaya susunod na tayo

Pinoproblema kong GWA
imposible nang isalba
kahit ano nalang
basta lang makapasa

Pangarap na mailap
nakasalamin nakapolo nakatawa
nag-aaral sa malamig na silid
kahon kahon, asul, kalawang

Sakit ng ulo, batok paa
aspirin analgesic ano pa
pampadagdag lang ng basura
sa isip kong natatanga

ako ba yung nabobobo?
O sadyang tinataboy na ako
ng kolehiyong pumili sa akin
Walang muwang na nagkakaganito

Malamig ang hangin
Sa umiinit na mundo
kay daling ihalintulad
sa dinidefrost na freezer

Sino ba ang matalino
Ang mahigpit na penguin
Mabait at masayahin
Pero walang diniDiyos?

Wala na bang pag-aalala
Pagmamalasakit sa mundo
sama sama ang mga naaapi
mga nang-aapi tulong-tulong

Ako nandirito
Kumikirot sa bantang paglisan
ng nakaraang dati pang umalis
hay kala ko naman babalik

Isa dalawa tatlo
Ang klasmeyt kong kalbo
hanapin mo na ang kaligayahan
bago siya magshift

At ikaw naman batang matalino
ano ba ang gusto mo?
Sino ba, sila o ako
Pandagdag lang ng sakit ng ulo

Pero alam mo ba
Sayang sana sa iyo nalang
wala din namang naging silbi
Calculator na sana nagamit mo

At ikaw naman taong maligno
wag kang tatabi sa akin sa exam
dahil ayaw kitang katabi
kahit pa mabait ako sa mga tao

Ayokong maging masama
pero wag mong ipagpilitan
ang mukha mong kinaiinisan
tignan mo, tinatawanan ka nila

Ice cream na malamig
gusto ko yung manga
pero sawa ka sa manga
penge nalang ng shitzu

Teddy bear na Rizal
Kamusta ka na kaya
nagmamakata, umaarte
kay sarap ng buhay mo

Gusto kong maging teddy bear
para lagi akong
yakapin ng mga tao
Maginaw kasi

Kasalanan bang maging nonsense?
Kung kasiyahan ko to?
Wala bang iintindi
nganaman matalino

Pangit ba? Pangit
Ang mga sinusulat ko?
Sino ka ba para humusga
ng mga titik na pinili ko?

Wala na bang maghahanap
sa isang taong kawawa
naghahanap ng makakahanap
sa pusong kumawala

May kirot na pinagmamasdan
bawat galak mo sa malandi
hay kay saya
Sayang mamatay

Kung lalapit ka lang kasi
Kung aamin ka lang kasi
Kung hihiling ka lang kasi
Na mahalin kita dahil mahal mo ko

Sigurado na ako
Siguradong sigurado
Sigurado talaga
Na Siguro

Matataranta ako.

Bahala na.

INAHITAN NG KILAY

2007-01-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

Kahapon, nagpunta ako sa salon para i-test ang magme- make-up sakin sa Saturday. Una nyang ginawa: Kumuha ng blade, at ayun, inahit ang aking kilay.

Ilang kilay na rin siguro ang naahit niya, at parang wala nalang sa kanya ang pag-aahit ng kilay ng may kilay. Sa katunayan nga, mahapdi yung inahit niya, siguro dahil dry yung skin ko o ewan, di ko alam.

Pero bakit andrama ko? Kasi mula noong bata ako, sabi ng nanay ko, sabog daw ang kilay ko. At para sa akin, ang mga nag-aahit lang ng kilay, ay yung mga matatanda na. At take note, ninipisan nya. Waaah. Tahimik lang ako at walang kalaban laban, dahil alam kong kailangang ahitin iyon. Pero sa loob ko, nagsusumigaw ako. Pinagpapawisan ng butil butil at tila tuturukan ng Potassium Chloride sa aking vein (Lethal injection). Tinititigan ko pa ang kilay ng parlorista o salonista na si Jaya. (Babae po sya di bading!) Hmm... Siguro gusto niya parehas kami.

Ganito ang pakiramdam ko ngayong 10:42 ng gabi. Jan. 10, 2006. Dahil maya-maya, Jan.11 na. Ayun, 18th Birthday ko na pala. Sayang, di umabot yung aso ko na kabirthday ko rin, Lola na kasi yun. Last year lang siya namatay. PERO ipinagpapasalamat ko, ANNIVERSARY din ng mga magulang ko ang Jan. 11. Ang cute noh? Hahaha. Ako daw ang gift sa kanila! (Haha!) Babay na sa sabog na kilay ng pagiging nene. Sabi nila, dalaga na daw ako, magtino na daw ako. Matuto na daw akong kumendeng at makipagfriends sa guys. Magsmile daw ako palagi at magplano na daw ako sa buhay. Mag-isip na din daw ako ng pagkukuhanan ng kabuhayan. Galingan ko daw mag-aral kasi malapit na ko magtrabaho. (10 years pa? pag nagmed? hahahah). Ang weird. Excited ako sa bagong kilay. Pero alam ko na kilay lang naman yun. Parang edad, parang image. image lang naman yun. Edad lang naman yun. Wala namang magbabago. Ako pa rin si Chai, nabawasan lang ng kilay. Naging 18 lang manan ang edad ko. And so? Dati pa naman akong nag-iisip. dati pa ko nagsusumikap. Dati pa ko ngumingiti. Dati pa kong kumekendeng?? AHha! Di yata ako sanay talaga maging girlish masyado at dapat pang kumendeng. (Sorry sa photographer, nahirapan siyang gawin akong girly girly type. Nyahaha.) Dati pa naman akong marunong makipag-usap sa mga guys, (Though hindi ko naman talaga forte ang pang-aakit at pakikipaglandian... hmm.. wala pa kong balak nu!). Hahahaha!

Oh well, sabi nila, start na rin daw ng registration ng mga manliligaw ko. Mag-sign up nalang daw sila sa Jan.13. HAHA! JOKE ULI! Meron ba? Wala naman!!! Mukhang malabo pa yun. (Showbiz nanaman) Acads muna? Naku, di ko pwede sabihin yun dahil hindi matatapos ang acads ko. Baka maging single forever ako pag sinabi kong acads muna. Di rin naman pwedeng boylets muna, kasi hellow. Understood na sagot dun. Kaya sana sabay nalang? Haha. Sana magcompliment ang boylet life and book life. Posible kaya?

Hahaha. Nagyon, malaki supposedly ang problema ko, dahil nakaccumulate ang trabaho ko. Pero di naman mauubos ang homeworks. "Ang debut, once lang, kaya i-enjoy na" sabi ni madir yen ko. Tama ba? Nag-online lang ako, at napansin kong wlang laman ang blog ko na latest. Eh special day na pala bukas. At ngayon. Di ko magawang palampasin kahit pa napakaraming dapat gawin.

Syangapala, nagpapasalamat po ako Lord, dahil kahit kailan, hindi niyo ako pinabayaan.

Family, Friends, Institutions, my Country, the people I love... I am not celebrating the eighteen years of my Existence tomorrow (an hour later), but the Luck and Bliss of having EVERYONE and everything that happened to me in my life that made me who I am now. Wala po akong maipagmamalaki, dahil kung ano ako ngayon, yun ang dulot ninyong lahat sa akin. Kaya naman po nagpapasalamt ako sa inyong lahat. Madami pang mangyayari, at excited na ko sa buhay ko. Sana samahan niyo pa rin po ako.

Ok... Back to Emulsions. PhCh126.1 pa bukas, monitors kami. hehe. See ya guys on Saturday. (^_^)

Crude Update

2006-11-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

Badtrip.

gabi na ko nakakauwi lagi.

ngayon, di ako makasulat ng matino. gumagawa pa kasi ako ng homework. Pero naguiguilty ako dahil di ako makapag-update. PERO mas nakakaguilty dahil makikita ko nanaman yung groupmates ko sa lab bukas paggising ko. Malas talaga ako sa group! Nawalan kami ng yield na aspirin!!! Anong product ang ipapasa namin sa phch26 nyan??? Hay. Forgive me groupmates. Sa phch 21 naman, nako, natapos nanaman ni ian at ni jade yung prelab report ng hindi ako nakakatulong man lang. Hay.

(Shemay, may nadidinig ako ngayong pusang nakikipaglampungan sa labas, sana hindi si Merry yun. Naku)

Anu ba yan.

Nakachat ko rin si Mark D. ng hart to hart finally.
Hay, what a relief.

kaso kulang.
...
Hay. Nakapagtext na rin ako kay ano nang normal. Buti nalang.
Namiss ko sya in-fairness.

Kay Lolo naman, nakakainis talaga yung gurlalu nya, ginugulo pa yung tao, naghihikahos na nga sa acads tapos makikigulo nanaman sya. Wawa naman ang lolo.

Wala na rin akong Kimo kay Anay ngayon. Bakit kaya? Siguro naturn-off ako. Sa wakas. Haha.

May nagtanong sakin, pano kung kayo nga yung magkatuluyan sa huli ni ano? Sabi ko, di ko alam. Wala sa isip ko yun. Friends oo.

May nagtanong din sa akin (ibang tao sa ibang araw) pano daw kung magkabalikan kami ni ano. (Naging kami ba? Hellow) Haha. Pero kung magiging para syang yung dati... ammm... ewan ko? Di ko masagot. Pero napapangiti ako ngayon.

Nakakalungkot pag namomoroblema yung friend na labs mo.
Naaapektohan ako ng sobra.

Nakakapagtaka din pag masyadong naaapektohan ng mood mo yung isang tao na hindi mo naman kamag-anak man lang. Posible kayang may gusto sya sayo?

Bakit ako wala naman akong gusto sa friend ko, apektado ako, labs ko sya, pero wala akong gusto sa kanya romantically....

Hmm... kaya hindi justifiable na pagdudahan ang kaibigan na concerned masyado sakin. At mabait sa akin. Hay. Tama.

Hay...

Kung tutuusin, walang isang tao ang makakaintindi sa lahat ng nakasulat dito. Dahil either hindi nila kilala tong mga to, or sila yung tinutukoy ko, ginamitan ko lang ng codes para di nila maisip na sila yun.

Pero ngayon, baka maghinala na sila.

Anyway. La akong paki.

Back to biomolecules.

Zoology.

Pharmchem.
Pharmchem.
Pharmchem.

buti pa yung may ari nung restaurant malapit sa amin, tapos na magzoology.

Natutuwa ako sa kanya recently, pero parang di ko na sya balak tawaging monster, ever. Dahil siguro masyadong sweet yung tawag na monster, baka isipin ng mga tao, kung ano pa man. Di na sya monster. Hay. Siguro nahawaan na ako ng lolo ng kadramahan recently. Hay. Lo.

Gash wala akong makatext recently.

Yung nakasun na pasaway, sana magglobe na. Bakit ba kita namiss? Hay.

Bakit ka pa kasi nagline sa sun. HAha. Sya sige. 11:46 pm na. di pa ko tapos sa homeworks ko. 7 am pa Lab namin sa 21 bukas. Hiya nanaman ako kina Ian at Jade.

May quiz pa pala.

--tulog... bukas ka nalang ha.

Ngapala, first time kong mapagtripan na sumali este isali sa Chess competition. 2nd place! Biruin mo nga naman. Bait ng mga kalaban ko!

Trick or Treat!!! Baksayon na!!!!!!!!!!!!!........ nga ba????

2006-10-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

Hay nako. Ayaw ko muna sabihing bakasyon na ako. Baka naman mamaya pabalikin nanaman ako sa school for a requirement or something. Weh! Ayoko na ha!

Wawi... parang nagkalat talaga ako this sem. Di ko pa sigurado lahat ng grades ko, pero hopefully di pa rin siya ganun kalayo sa expectations ko sa sarili ko. Hmmm... Well. Hindi naman ako totally nalulungkot kasi sabi nila, relatively matataas na rin yung mga yun. Kung sabagay, pinaghirapan ko rin yung grades ko kahit di kasing taas ng grades ng mga androids, mutants and other nerdoloids. At least pasa na ako sa first sem! May chance pa akong bumawi!

Hahaha! Tama na pagiging GC.

Naku, Burn... Burn... Why are you so fair Burn? Arg. Di man lang nilagyan ng konti pang dagdag yung comm ko. ahahaha! Naku, ang mga GE subjects ay ang natitirang pag-asa ng sambayanang Pilipino. Dahil kung walang mga GE na panghatak, paano na ang mga iskolar ng bayan? Paano na ang Pilipinas??? Ahahahah...
***********
Alam niyo ba, may napansin ako! Isang coping mechanism na marahil ginagawa ng marami sa college. Eto yung scenario.

Case1) Mataas ang grade nyong lahat!!!!!!! Kunwari lahat sila naka 1, 1.25 saka 1.5. Walang bumagsak! Ang galing ng batch niyo!!! Pero ang nakuha mo, 1.75. So ikaw ang pinakamababa. Kung GC ka, malulungkot ka. Pero kung iniisip mo na hindi ka GC, eto ang iisipin mo. Dibale, mataas na rin naman to eh. At least pasa! Sa college naman hindi dapat nagkukumpara ng grades. Mataas na tong nakuha ko!

Case2) Bagsak halos ang buong batch nyo. Bumabaha ng luha. Mabagsik ang Prof. Pakiramdam mo isa kang langaw na hinahagupit ng bagyong Kelly. Walang dapat ikatuwa dahil wala naman nang makakapag GC-GC-han, pero dito lumalabas ang totoong mga GC. Sa ganitong panahon. Ang dumadaan sa isip nila.Hay, bagsak nga kami. Pero naku, malupit lang talaga ang prof! Ako pa rin ang pinakamataas sa mga classmates ko no! At least hindi 0 ang score ko, tulad ng iba. Hay... Sa batch rank ako pa rin ang highest. Ahahaha. BWAHAHAHHAHAHHA.

**********
Ayan. So alam niyo na kung ano ang GC at hindi? Pero hindi naman masama kung ganito ka mag-isip. Dahil labag man sa magandang pag-uugali na ineexpect ng society natin, dapat intindihin ang mga taong ito. COPING MECHANISM lang naman ito no. Para lang gumaan ang loob. ANG MASAMA ay ang bulgarang paghahayag ng ganitong mga saloobin. Ang ganitong coping mechanism ay hindi dapat gawin sa publiko. Malamang ay kamuhian ka ng mga kapitbahay mo o kaya ng alaga mong pusa. Kaya pakiusap, huwag nalang patulan. Nonsense ang pinagsususulat ko. Bakit mo pa ba kasi binasa to?

________________________________________

Wehahahahahah! Bakasyon na nga ba? Wala na yatang natitira sa bakasyon ko. Di ko pa nakukuha yung yearbook. May concert daw mamaya sa Bene. Aww... The usual concerts bago magsembreak. kakamiss ang bene. Parang kailan lang, ako ay inaaruga sa isang mumunting paraiso na puno ng kasiyahan kasama ang mga kaibigan sa Gazebo at ang mga halaman... ang sariwang hangin... ang mga kabababalaghan... Ang kakulitan... Simpleng buhay. Hay.

Ngayon, inaaalila ako sa up ng mga prof na mas malupit pa kay milenyo. Acads. Polusyon. Puyat! Stress! Blemishes! Arg. Wah... Di ako makapaniwala, nagkakapimples na ko malapit sa pisngi. Arg!!! Biruin mo yun??? Dati hanggang noo lang sila, ngayon??!!!

Hay. UP. Tinanong ako minsan, sumasama ka ba sa mga estudyanteng nagrarally sa kalsada? Sagot ko, "Hindi po". Bakit daw? Eh kasi, BC ako at natatakot ako na makita sa TV. Ahahah!

Nako! Sa totoo lang, nakakahiya nga eh. Pero wag kayong magalit sa akin. Nag-aaral akong mabuti para hindi masayang ang binabayad niyo para sa pag-aaral namin kasi diba STATE university nga. Hindi ako sumasama sa rally kahit nagkakaroon ng mga 300% Tuition fee increase. Waw. Kawawang mga freshmen. ALAM NYO BA??? Konswelo na nga lang ang mababang tuition fee sa amin eh. Sa paghihirap sa loob ng UP??? Lalo na sa College of Pharmacy. Nako, kaya ko tinitiis ang katoxican ng buhay ay para hindi naman masyado mahirapan ang magulang ko. PEro anong ginagawa nila sa amin??? Hindi binibigyan ng sapat na budget ang univ. Ibig sabihin, yung taxes na binabayad ng tao ay hindi napakikinabangan ng mga estudyante. Tapos gusto nila wag umalis ang mga professionals sa Pilipinas? E estudyante pa nga lang kami hindi na namin maramdaman ang suporta ng gov't natin. Pano pa kaya pag graduate??? Kapag binubuhay na namin ang sarili at mga pamilya? Magtatrabaho ka ba sa gobyerno kung wala namang pakialam sayo yung gobyerno (unless lang may naisip kang paraan ng pangungurakot, siguro pwede pa). Hay. Kapos sa pagmamahal ang bansang ito.
Naaalala ko nanaman ang konseptong rational self- interest na nadinig ko nung highschool. Paano bang mabuhay ng matino sa bansang ganito?

Buti pa yung iba dyan. Parang di man lang nila naisip to. Napakasarap maging bulag no? Walang inaalala sa nangyayari sa paligid. Bakit mo ba papansinin yan, e hindi ka naman apektado. Mmmmm... Sarap ng Starbucks. I really like your Lacoste kaso mukhang fake, and by the way, sayo nalang tong havaianas ko, napapangitan ako eh. Hay. Ang sarap ng ganon.

Buti pa yung ibang tao, wala nang ibang pinroblema kundi kung anong uso.
Buti pa yung ibang tao, wala nang ibang pinroblema kundi yung lovelife nila.
Buti pa ako, wala nang ibang pinroblema kundi acads.
Yung iba kasi, ang problema kung saan kukuha ng pagkain ngayon, mamaya, bukas.

Tulad ng mga magulang natin, pinoproblema kung paano pupunuan ang luho natin
tulad ng ginagawa ko, nagsasayang ng kuryente sa paggawa ng blog.

Hay buhay.

Napakaraming problema.

Buti pa yung mga baliw, may sariling mundo.
Buti pa yung mga multo, tapos na ang paghihirap sa mundo ng buhay.
Walang magawa kundi manakot na lang ant maging sikat sa mga horror stories at films.
Patay na nga at ang papangit pa, tapos iniimpersonate ng mga magaganda at gwapong artista na trying hard sa pagpapangit ng sarili??? Hahaha. Peace. I mean, rest in PEACE!

HAPPY TRICK OR TREAT!!!!!

Kamusta naman yon?

2006-09-13T17:29:00.000+08:00

Kamusta naman yon?

Ito ang tanong na naiintindihan ng mga taong dinaranas din ang mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

Acads.
Acads.
Acads.

Bakit kahit gaano kadami ang oras na ibuhos ko sa acads, di ko pa rin makuha ang gusto ko.
Hindi naman ako GC! (Grade conscious, marami na ring variations ito. Ang mga pinsan ng GC: GM - Grade Maniac at RS - Recognition Seeker).

O sige GC na kung GC! Pero hindi GM! Hindi naman ako nakikipag kumpara sa iba eh. Ang concern ko lang naman yung grades ko. Di naman ako yung tipong nananabotahe ng mga kaklase para ako lang yung makakuha ng ganitong grade o ganyan. Hay. Buti nalang hindi ako napunta sa ganoong highschool. Yung napapatayan para sa class standing?!!! Over! Yung iba kasi grabe sa pagiging competitive. Hanggang college dinadala. Hellow, wala namang pakialaman ng grades dapat. Kaya ko lang naman gusto makakuha ng mataas na grades ay: 1. Ayaw kong magretake ng kahit anong subject at never ko gustong humaba pa sa 5 years ang stay ko sa CP. 2. Nangangarap pa rin akong pumasok ng med!!! 3. Nakakahiya sa magulang ko.

Hay.
Bakit ba ganito?
Ano kayang buhay sa ibang school?

Nakakahiya na nga minsan. Kami lang yata sa CP yung tumatakbo takbo sa taft. Sabog sabog ang itsura. Amoy kemikal. Puno ng kung anu-anong stains ng mga reagents yung kamay. Itim na yung mukha sa sobrang laki ng eyebags. Malaking malaking bag ang dala (Mas marami pa yata akong dala ngayon kaysa nung highschool.) Konti nalang yata mag-iiyakan na kami nang sabay sabay! Hay. Pero marami pa rin yung parang excited sa katoxican. Ewan pero mukhang sarcastic nalang ata yung mga yun.

Malapit na magsembreak! Pero bago makarating dun, kailangan munang sumuong sa hell weeksssss....

Tagal ko na ring hindi nagsulat dito.
Update ko lang kayo sa new experiences ko.

1. Nadukutan ako ng fone. (Hay... grad gift pa naman ni Papa yun nung HS!)
2. Lumusong ako sa tubig baha na sobra as in SOBRANG kadiri. First time. Naka rubber shoes pa naman ako nun. malapit na sa tuhod yung tubig baha! Sa taft lang yun ha, di pa sa may Espana.
3. Napanood ko magperform ang Philharmonic Orchestra Live! Grabe siguro kung may manghaharana sa akin na kasama sila pakakasalan ko na! Joke! HAha. Basta sobrang ganda. Naaliw ako eh. *nga pala, nakalimutan namin na gala performance yun sa ccp, dapat pala formal. E naka casual lang kami. Saya! kasabay pa ng malakas na ulan, so imagine nalang kung anong itsura namin dun.
4. Nakapanood din ako ng guitar concerto.
5. NAkapanood din ako ng ballet ng Giselle.
6. Nakanood din ako ng Condors. (Dati pa to ha! Pero masaya!) Suki na kami sa CCP eh. Haha!
7. Nagfieldtrip kami sa Laguna (Paete, Nagcarlan, Mahayhay, Pakil, Liliw, etc.) In short inikot namin yung Laguna Bay!
8. May bago akong Crush. Eto Crush talaga. Crush lang talaga. Di ko nga sya kilala eh. Aww...
9. May bago akong fone, ngayon lang ako nagka motorola. Pink pa! Haha. Cute din. Weh.
10. Wala na ako maisip!

Wala akong maisip isulat sa reaction paper ko para sa guitar concerto. Wala naman kasi akong alam sa guitar. Hindi ko pa masyado naapreciate. Sana kai Concert na lang ni Jason Mraz or ni John Mayer o ni Santana yun diba?? E hellow, classic. So wala talaga. As in tugtog lang talaga sya. Walang kanta. Solo pa. Haha.

Nga pala. Yung last entry ko, wala lang yun.

-----------*******************************

Standards ng Mundo

Bakit ba may standards ang mundo?

Mula ngayon hindi na ako magkakagusto sayo.

Dahil hindi daw dapat

ayon sa standards ng mundo.

Pangit ba pakinggan? e yun ang totoo.

Ano pa bang magagawa ko?

Hindi ako papayagan ng mundo

na magkagusto sa isang tulad mo.

Pero sa aking palagay, madali kang mahalin.

Hindi ka dapat sinasaktan bagkus dapat alagaan.

pinakadakila ka na nga

sa mga lalaking nakilala ko.

Kaya nga nagagalit ako, doon sa nanakit sayo.

Higit pa doon, naiinggit din ako!

Siya na nga yung pinayagang magmahal sayo

Hindi ka pa iningatan!

Samantalang ako, nandito

Hindi ko masabi sayo

dahil ayaw ko

at ng mundo

Makikisakay nalang ako

sa standards ng mundo

dahil ayaw kong pahirapan

ang sarili ko.

Higit pa doon, ayaw kitang saktan

Gusto sana kitang ingatan

laban sa panlalait at pananakit

ng mga tao sa mundo

Hahayaan nalang kitang manahimik

Dahil kung tayo'y lalaban,

Baka hindi kita maipagtanggol

Di kita gustong makitang duguan.

Mabuti na sanang hindi mo alam.

Dahil kung sakaling malaman mo.

Baka tawagin mo pa akong duwag

dahil hindi kita maipaglalaban

Dahil ayaw ko sa gulo.

Pipilitin ko nalang

sumunod at magpatalo

sa standards ng mundo.

Kahit mahirapan ako.

Di na ako magkakagusto sayo.

Dahil mahal kita at hindi ko gustong

masaktan ka ng mga tao.

-----

----

------

--------

***

Imaginera

2006-09-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

Hoy.

Ang malas ng araw mo ngayon.

3 oras lang yung tulog mo (kasama na yung pagtulog habang nagcocommute) para sa quizes at exams.

Isipin mo, 3 chapters yung dapat basahin, tapos ang quiz, 3 questions lang. Mali mali pa yung sagot mo. Ayos ka talaga.

Tapos yung isa mo pang quiz, by pair na nga, kulelat ka pa rin.

Bukas na kaya yung exam mo dun, hindi ka pa rin nag-aaral.

Nagbababad ka pa sa net. Nagtatype sa walang kwentang blog na to.

Tapos magliliwaliw sa friendster.

Tapos makikita mo yung blog nya.

May nakita kang nakakainis.

Nakakainis dahil may chinuchuva siyang special someone pero di nya sinasabi sayo.

At nalaman mong hindi ikaw yun!

Ilang ulit ko bang sasabihin sayo. Tumigil ka na!

Masyado ka kasing IMAGINERA!

Feeling mo naman ikaw yung chinuchuva nya na ayaw nyang sabihin? E helow, kaibigan ka lang talaga nun!

Hindi naman sya katulad mo na nagsisiskreto sa kanya dahil sya pala yung chinuchuva mo.

Yung chuva nya, iba yun! hindi ikaw!

Kahit ano pang close nyo, close friends lang talaga yun!

Abnormal ka. Imaginera.

Tapos ngayon maglulungkut-lungkutan ka???

Magpapakasenti???

Di mag-aaral???

Tapos kapag kulelat nanaman yung exam mo magsisisi ka?????

Umayos ka nga pwede ba.

Wag mo na pansinin yun! Kaibigan ka LANG nun. There IS a CLEAR BORDER.

You cannot cross it. Don't be stupid.

At kung ever hindi nga lang kaibigan ang tingin nya sayo??? Ano balak mo??? Diba hindi ka rin naman sigurado sa kanya??? Pero gusto mong magkagusto sya sayo???

O tama na.

Ayan ka nanaman eh. Imaginera ka nanaman. Sinabi na ngang walang gusto sayo yun! Abnormal ka talaga!

Magpakatino ka na nga.

Hala Sige! Aral na!

Palpak ka na nga sa acads eh magpapakaistupida ka pa!

Lagot ka sakin pag bumagsak ka bukas!

Tigilan mo na nga yang pagsesermon sa sarili mo! Umalis ka na dyan sa harap ng computer at tigilan mo na ang entry na to.

Nonsense!

Boo!

I hate you!

An Adiabatic Heart

2006-07-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

Adiabatic - a type of system which does not allow heat to escape or enter.

It reminds me so much of how I decided for my heart. I wanted it to be a closed system and more than that, it's supposed to be adiabatic.

I didn't want things to change inside.

****
But a few confessions for whoever is interested to read about my personal life:

1) When I saw him last weekend after many months of no communication, I felt so alienated. Alienated from him. From myself. From the present situation.

2)When I saw him with her, I felt jealous at first. But really, it didn't feel as bad as I had expected. (Am I going to the next level??? gosh)

3)When I was supposed to leave (Without talking to him)... I went back. (Of course when she was gone. Haha) I just wanted to see him. Talk to him. Say something to him. I was able to exchange some words with him. But really, senseless words. We were in the exact place where we had parted last April 9, 2005 after a friend's party. Haha. But I couldn't get any message accross.

4) I really had nothing to say to him. But I just wanted to talk to him. Haha. The nonsense conversation lasted for less than two minutes because my parents were waiting for me.
5)I still miss him. Sometimes.

6)I want to move on. (I always wanted to)

7)When he reads the things I post in my status in YM, he thinks I'm referring to him. (Whoa) Sorry, I don't really post things intended for him anymore. Sometimes maybe, but not the last one! (One more thing: Please don't tell me I'm maDrama. I'm not!)

****
So, these confessions prove that my heart is like an improvised calorimeter, which is not an absolutely adiabatic system...

You see. Something from within escapes to the outside. Even if I feel like keeping it. It goes naturally...

ON the other hand...

Sometimes, events really surprise me.

I will discuss briefly and I hope no one will understand. I'll give a clue!

Acquaintance.
Crush.
Not Crush.
Friend only.
then Super Friend.
tell crushes.
Super super friend.
I don't want to change the "friend".
Heartbeat.
Don't want heartbreak.
Lubdub.

****
There. The nonsense clues. Who would care anyway???

Haha.

BASTA!

I am surprised how something can transcend even the best insulators lining my pericardial cavity. (I miss BHAP. Haha)

I am really surprised.

But I have a responsibility over that person.

I'm afraid for him. For me.

I think he doesn't deserve getting hurt. A person like him???

No way.

All I know is that I'd kill anyone who'll hurt him and people like him.

Ah... Friendship is so powerful that love gets scared sometimes.

I'm getting abstract here.

The vagueness of my feelings.

I can't tell.

I shouldn't tell.

Not now.

Not yet.

or maybe, never?

SURPRISING CIRCUMSTANCES.

Gladly surprising.

But wth! (an adaptation of mamamich's wtf?)

I shouldn't worry myself.

I'm adiabatic.

The problem is

to be or not to be

Adiabatic.

So help me Chem.

Weird ang mga Araw...

2006-07-18T20:43:00.001+08:00

Kahapon, walang kwenta ang araw ko sa school...

1) pinaghirapan ko yung paper ko sa Humanities 2 dahil kala ko ipapasa na yon, numpala next week pa. kulang kulang pa pala yung nasulat ko dun, kaya kailangan ko pang baguhin.
2)Nag-aral ako sa quiz para sa Comm a week ago pa, tapos nakalimutan ko yung lumabas sa quiz. Yung naalala kong mabuti yun yung wala. Ayos.
3)Walang Chem lab, nagmadali pa kaming tumakbo.
4) Walang Physics. (Wala rin naman kwenta kahit may physics.. Haha)
5)Naglakad ako mula gate ng village hanggang bahay habang umuulan... tapos nabasa pa ako. Tapos pagdating ko, saka dumating din yung kotse nila papa. Magkasabay lang kami! Arg.

Ngayon naman...
1)Nanalo kaming Champion sa Talong relay, pati sa takipsilim! Haha. Phil Games ito.. PE namin! Haha. Parang bata. Ok lang! Di toxic!
2)Nasagutan ko yung Quiz ni Sir Yammy, kahit may mali ako sa sign dahil sa "convention" nya sa klase. At least naiintindihan ko na turo nya sa Chem!
3)Positive yung reaction ng mga "Frends" sa design ko! Yey.
4)Nakita ko si Cupid***
5)Maayos yung pagiging monitor namin sa Pharm Chem experiment! Haha... In fact, kami pa yung first group na natapos kahit na kami yung monitors. At nasabihan pa kami ng "very good" ni Tita Dits... Nyahaha. Unbelievable. (siguro masyado naming inanticipate na mahirap yung experiment kaya nagmamadali kami.

and to top it all...

hmm... nung uuwi na ako, wala akong masakyan! As in! So I have to walk from Padre Faura St. Up tp TM Kalaw!!!! hehe. Tapos pagsakay ko ng bus, sobrang siksikan at nakatayo ako from taft hanggang Zapote. O diba. Ansaya.

Tapos pagdating ko sa bahay, kumain na ako. Kumain din ako ng Chocolate! Mwahaha...
Pain killer para sa sakit ng paa...

Pero I can rest, dahil wala akong pasok bukas.

At mukhang walang exam sa Chem sa saturday.

Yess!!!!

Syangapala, mukhang naaapektuhan na ako ng Humanities 2 ko. Mukhang interested na rin ako sa art! hmmm... marami pa akong dapat matutunan!

Misunderstood

2006-06-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

Can anyone tell me the name of the first bloke who said that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON?

I think that line is really stupid. (I'm sure he was just another human being formulating a might-be-false-or-true theory.) No one has the right to say things like that. Statements with the word "everything" are quite fallacious. The only thing that could convince me to believe that bloke is if that person himself was able to explain everything. I mean EVERYTHING (That means, he must be God, and I doubt it if God said this Himself or revealed it in any way).

Why should we generalize?

Do you think it would be right to tell the people that everything has a reason?

How about those that try to find the meaning of their lives, but just really can't?

Aren't we just getting them more frustrated because we are implying that they MUST have a meaning?

I think, that sometimes, things just don't have any meaning or a reason.

Sometimes we just have to accept those things as they happened, because I don't know what can happen to us if we continue squeezing our brains searching for the meaning of events and our lives.

If you're thinking contrary to my belief because you think that you already found the meaning of your life or whatever-else-that-boggles-your-mind, I suggest that you tell your self and accept that it doesn't happen to others all the time, unlike you. Quit pressuring people that everything has a meaning that must be known.

I guess people would be able to cope better from a tragedy or a painful situation if they are told that sometimes, things happen for no reason at all and NOT that stupid line that THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. If people learn to accept what they cannot change or know, then i guess life on earth would have a little more contentment and peace.

Disclaimer: If somewhere down the road, you stumble upon the reason for things that happened in the past, well you're a lucky person, but this is not fully guaranteed.

------------------------------------------------######################

I used to believe that Love was always a choice, not a stupid feeling.

But I was wrong.

Here is the evidence...

Have you ever felt in love? (Of course you already did, or else you wouldn't be interested to read this). So it was when you felt love, and your heart was broken... (We're not going to be too mushy here) You have DECIDED to quit it. that you're going to forget or even hate that person. BUT then, admit it to yourself, you've heard more than twice that little voice whispering to your head. You know what I'm talking about here. Maybe we heard different voices, but my voice said that I miss him so much and that I would be willing to forget everything that happened if he would just come back and we could start a gain and I would be better. Sometimes, that voice freaks me out. Despite my highly logical and powerful analytic mind's protests and barriers, I found out that, that little voice can also be powerful enough to make me have that inner conflict.

Now, what do you call that voice? I think, it's no other than love.

If love was a choice, why couldn't I choose to stop loving that person?

I can't choose, and that's really frightening. That is what's frightening about heartbreak.

I don't know if this is all true, I might be just a weakling when it comes to this, but I guess that it really works this way for me.

On the other hand, I'm not telling here that love is always just a feeling and never a choice. It is actually both.

Up to now, I still doubt the thing that is called Love at first sight. For me it's just mere attraction, confused with the same physical and emotional reactions confused with love. What is love that is based on outer appearances? I can only place it under any one of these: Admiration, attraction, obsession or lust (I hope not).

I don't believe in falling in love, maybe just jumping into love.

It is always a choice if we let ourselves jump into that pit where we may or may not know if a way out is possible.

It is a choice to commit yourself, even if the other person does not know it. Or even if you're the only one left in the commitment.

But then, when you still feel like committing yourself, I doubt if you can choose not to.

Shucks, I hope you got even half of my point here.

Now, I just remember a question we asked our teacher in morality more than two years ago.

How will we know if it is already love?

The witty answer to the hopeful question.

You will know love if it is really love.

--------------------------------------###########################

A TOTALLY IRRELEVANT PART

My new school year's resolution:

1. I'll try to talk more sense.
2. I'll try to be more kind (I am already kind! Hehe)
3. I'll believe in my abilities and in what I can do. (not can't do)
4. I'll be more organized.
5. I won't take life too seriously.
6. I would try to live a healthier lifestyle. (Shame on me)
7. I'll get my spirituality back.
8. I'll bury painful thoughts in my chem books.
9. I won't be too eager but I'll be open for new possibilities.
10. I'll have a new and livelier life.

Up next:

Say no to Pseudo-Relationships!
Make the world a better place!

(wait nyo yung next blog entry ko ha. Hehe, pag nagka time na ulit.)

Scraps of Summer

2006-05-26T10:19:00.000+08:00

Wow.

Some are already starting their first semester, while I and my summer-mates, have just started our vacation.Actually, the enrolment period is just a week away and I I'm glad because I really don't like the idea of getting stuck in the house for weeks, because my family is too busy to get a real vacation out of town.

Hey, I think my composition stinks.

I don't really write well. Arg.

Well anyway, for something new to do, we checked out the Mall of Asia before its grand opening day. We were lucky because we were able to see the mall without the crazy flocks of people buzzing around as if they have never entered a mall before. Anyway, the people there at that time were the guests and store owners. They were having a sort of an acquaintance party. (I don't know why, but the presence of such people gave me a glimpse of the social stratification in the Philippine society. I also don't know why it irritated me a lot.) Going back, I really thought the mall was so big, that I couldn't walk through all of it. However, I found out that it is quite "walkable" (from my own dictionary) and that it's just rectangular. There's a nice view of the bay at the back side of the mall, and I can say that it could serve as a nice place to hang-out. We also tried the i-max theater, and I think it's pretty cool. A real 3D theater that can make your eyes ache if your sitting to near the screen. A new experience.

Before Mr. Henry Sy feels obliged to pay me for my advertisement of his mall, I'd talk about something else.

****Enk****---------------------------*****************

Alam nyo guys, nababaduyan ako kapag english yung sulat ko dito. Pakiramdam ko talaga, wala akong kwenta magsulat ng english na informal!

__________________

DAMN!!!!

PESTE!!!!

ANIMALA!!!!

Wah, Alam nyo ba, Napakahaba na ng nacompose kong entry????????

Tapos NABURA!!!!

Ayoko na. Badtrip na ko.

Argg!!!!

2 hours kong pinaghirapan yon!!!!

Tapos ganito???!?!?!??!

Sinong hindi mababadtrip?!??!?!

Huhu.

(T_T)

Pesteng blog to.

Next time nalang!

Haha.

Breaking the vicious cycle para sa Moksha

2006-05-05T19:06:00.000+08:00

Moksha - For Hindus, this is freedom from the painful cycle of reincarnation and the union with the Ultimate reality. (This is somewhat like Nirvana or the state of perfection in Buddhism).

To avoid the bloody terms (Sanskrit that does not exist in your vocabulary yet) and twisted explanations, it is simply put: If you do what is right, you avoid karma then end the cycle of rebirth.

------------------------------*******************************
SO WHAT'S THE CATCH?

Ahh... Quit the English. I enjoy writing in Filipino.

------------------------#######
Thoughts changing.... translating na....

just a little na lang.....

one...

two...

three...

apat!
-----------------------#######

Ayan! Filipino na ulit!

Haha! Hay. Kamusta na kayo? May dumadaan pa ba dito? Oh well...

Bakit ko ba kinukwento sa inyo yung mga inaaral namin sa Histo 3? Wala lang! Gusto ko lang kasi i-share.

Wala lang. Recently kasi, naisip ko ito.

One story. When boy A left you, you just learned pretty soon that he has a girl B already. Hindi naman kasi kayo magkasama ni Boy A palagi eh. Bihira lang kayo nagkikita, hindi katulad ng dati. Mula ng magkahiwalay kayo ng school. Samantalang si Girl B, lagi niyang kasama ngayon. School mates sila ni Boy A. Ano bang alam mo? Maiinis ka kung bakit hindi ka pa kasi nag-aral sa school niya, e sobrang tanggap ka naman doon. Maiinis ka sa nangyayari. Magdadrama ka. It is so unfair para sa iyo, kung iisipin mo. Pwede kang magalit kay girl B, pero you chose not to. Hindi niya naman kasalanan eh. (Or hindi nga ba?) Anyway. You let it all pass. Ok na. Wala ka nang magagawa. Tinanggap mo na lang ang katotohanan na unfair talaga ang mundo. Na hindi lang sa iyo nangyari iyon kung hindi pati sa mga kaibigan mo, sa kaklase mo, sa kapitbahay mo, at kahit sa mga telenovela. Ganon daw talaga ang "love" eh. Pagtatawanan mo na lang ang sarili mo. Malas ka lang talaga. Kailangan lang tanggapin iyon.

So tapos na yung Part 1 ng kwento. (In a way... Kahit na paminsan nagsesenti ka pa rin.)

Trying to move on... you stumble across Boy B. Cross roads sabi nga. Pinagtagpo kayo ng tadhana. Magkasama kayo palagi. Ang saya mo dahil pakiramdam mo, ang tagal niyo nang magkakilala. Match ang personality ninyo. Siyempre hindi mo pa iniisip ang word na love. Like lang. Crush, pwede na rin. Pero habang tumatagal, nararamdaman mong natutuwa ka talaga sa kaniya. At dumadalas ang pag-isip mo sa taong iyon. Hanggang sa...

Malalaman mo na lang na si Boy B, ay currently may girl C. At naaalala mo ang first part ng kuwento mo. PArehas ang sitwasyon, palit palit lang ng roles. Ikaw ngayon ay parang si girl B. Siya, parang si Boy A mo dati, at si girl C, parang ikaw dati....

Major Dilemma no?

Nasaktan ka na dati ng isang situation. Well... syempre magre-recover ka naman kahit papaano. Kapag nakakakita ka ng ganoong situation sa ibang tao, naiinis ka. Kung ganoon din ang nangyari sa kaibigan mo, pagtutulungan niyo yung nananakit. Pagkakaisahan niyo. Kahit kapag nakita mo sa isang telenovela yung ganoong situation, feel na feel mo yung pagdadrama ng bidang inaapi-api.

Pero paano kung dumating yung pagkakataon naman yung magiging kakampi ng kontrabida? Chance mo na para maging unfair naman sa iba. Gagawin mo ba?

"Will you do unto others what others have done unto you?"

Ikaw? Ano ang gagawin mo?

Ang saya no? Ikaw naman yung nasa kabilang side ng mundo. (Gulong ng Palad theme song please...)

Bakit ka nga ba naman magpapakamartir? E lahat naman ganoon ang ginagawa. Alam mong pwede kang manalo this time. Na ikaw naman ang masisiyahan. Hindi na ikaw yung umiiyak.
But will you feel guilt?

AKO.

Siguro, kung ako yung nasa ganoong situation.
Titigil ako. Mag-iisip. Maghihintay.

Hindi ko gustong mangyari sa iba yung nangyari sa akin dati. Ayos lang kahit medyo malungkot ako lalo ng kaunti, o kaya naman maging loner pa ako nang mas mahabang panahon.

Alam ko ang feeling ng nasaktan. As much as possible, gusto kong hindi na iyon maranasan ng ibang tao. Hindi na bale ako. Ayos lang. Ayaw kong maulit ang mga ganoong sitwasyon.

We need to stop the vicious cycle of hurting and getting hurt.

Ayaw ko na.

Siguro kung ako yun, maghihintay na lang ako kung clear na ang mga problema. Kung ayos na talaga. Yung walang guilt.

Kawawa naman ang ga taong nalalagay sa ganoong sitwasyon. Trahedya ito para sa mga biktima, dahil malaking bagay para sa kanila ang nawawala - Ang pagmamahal na nararapat sa kanila.

Katarungan.

Kahit sinong babae o kahit lalaki na may kunsiyensya ay dapat isa-isip din ang iba. Napakadali lang magkagusto sa ibang tao. Pero hindi laging tugma ang sitwasyon.

Mag-isip.

Dumaan kaya ito sa isip ni Girl B dati?

AAAahhhhhHHH!!!! Tama na nga! Hindi ko naman kuwento to eh. Nag-iimagine lang... Paano nga kung mangyari sa akin iyon?

Kamalasan nga naman!

(^_^)

Vagsh-aq'na qo'dah-ilsa mah'nga Fes'teng- Arabu

2006-04-27T16:37:00.000+08:00

Hay. Histo 3. The Perfect Subject for summer. Sana makapasa ako sa animalang exam kanina!

Kung hindi, babawi nalang ako sa exam next week kasabay ng exam sa soc.sci!

Grabe... Waahh... Haha!

Pero masaya ako.

Tapos na eh.

Wala naman na akong magagawa.

Hehe!

----------------Chikalang----------*******

Hehe.

Kaninang umaga, habang mag-isa akong nag-aaral dahil maaga akong dumating. Bigla akong nakalanghap ng whiff ng scent ng classmate ko. Tapos lumingon ako dahil akala ko katabi ko sya. Pagtingin ko, mga 5 meters away pa siya at palapit pa lang. (Hindi bad odor yung sinasabi ko ha!) Ewan ko kung pabango ba yun. Pero may pagka-intoxicating kasi yung scent. Haha! Pero siya lang yung may ganung scent. Tama bang description yun???!!!

Anyways, naisip ko lang. Baka nagiging doggy na ko! Haha.

-------------Going back... sa wala.-------------*********

Ang saya ko, kasi nakikita ko mga taga bene sa UP campus palagi ngayong summer!

Feeling ko magkakaklase ulit kami.

Hay... Lalang!

Ang sarap magsaya kapag sabaw ang utak!

Hehe.

-------------Para kay ano------------------***********

Ok na nga! Ang kulit mo naman.

Pero sana maging sensitive ka! Animala. Ang kulit ng lahi mo!

Finish na nga eh. Past has passed.

Hehe.

-------Puro walang sense na talaga----**********

Pagdalaw ko kaya sa publi next year kilala pa ko ng mga staffers dun?

... at kilala ko ba sila?!

-------------Magsayang!--------------************

Ang sarap magsayang ng space sa internet! Tulad nalang dito sa blog ko. Puro lang kwentang entry ang nag-o-occupy!

Weeee.......

Hay... Ang kakaiba palang mag-fasting.

Sinasabayan ko kasi si Jesus* sa kanyang pagfa-fast! Haha.

Dibale, kapag naabutan ko yung Carbonara sa canteen, talagang bibili na ako! Lagi nalang akong nauubusan!

---------Lalans--------------------********

Huwei hui haw!

Miss ko na kayo... Sobra.

Michy, magparamdam ka.
Ate colleen, lellai, kim, marang, kris, kaloy, Jike!

Kayo yung mga hindi ko na mahagilap! Haha!

Busy-busyhan din kayong lahat ah! Balitaan niyo naman ako!

-------------------------------**************

Hindi ko ma-figure out kung bakit naging singkit ang mga mongoloid race sa Asia kung lahat naman tayo galing sa Africa. At bakit ba talaga walang singkit na unggoy!!??

------------------------------***************

Mga classmates!
Ang weird pala ng usapan natin kanina no?
Mula sa exam sa histo, papunta sa mga multo sa bahay, tapos sa paglalaro ng manika, tapos sa laruang panlalaki, tapos balik sa mga multo sa CR, tapos sa mga sinapian, tapos sa mga ipis!

Exciting. Haha.

Happy summer!

Moments Before the Creationist and Evolutionist Theory were Discussed

2006-04-25T18:22:00.000+08:00

How do you know if the feeling you get when you're with someone is love or infatuation?

How do you know if your concern for someone's feelings is love or sympathy?

How do you know if what someone has for you is love or plain friendship?

Is it love that you feel when you're happy the whole day and then suddenly someone keeps quiet and frowns for an unknown reason and then your world crumbles into pieces and you feel like crying an ocean?

Why would you be affected when somebody sighs because of something you don't even know?

Why would you be suddenly over-sensitive towards someone and you keep on trying to make that person smile?

Why do you feel frustrated when you're trying to cheer someone up and there's no response?

Why would you want to know if this is already love?

If you realize that what you feel is love, would it matter to him?

Is it love when you let your walls fall down again, only to find yourself getting hurt and dying again in the process?

History is there to help man to avoid the mistakes we did in the past. But what is in Love that trancends even your worst history just for the sake of trying?

Why would love sometimes prefer the trial and error method?

Why do we keep on holding back ourselves just because of an unworthy person who haunts your wishes and dreams until the present?

I don't know the answer that's why I'm asking.

But all I know is that there are two people.

Both hurt.

Both still haunted by memories of their someone who sought happiness from others.

Both are given a chance.

But both still hide in their walls.

The other is anticipating but holding back.

The other searches, but is too far sighted.

Another common story.

Manyana

2006-04-22T18:11:00.000+08:00

Mamaya na ko mag-aaral. Pagkatapos ko mag-type dito.

WAW! Naluha-luha naman ako sa comments. Hehe. Thanks Sonny and JP!

Kakatapos ko lang din magbasa ng isang Filipino Novel na isinulat ng isang estudyanteng wala pang 19 years old! First year med proper na sya sa UP College of Med. Oh well. Na-engganyo kasi akong magbasa dahil gusto ko ring magsulat ng nobela. At siya nagawa niya! The book is entitled Orosa-Nakpil Malate. Isinulat ni Louie Mar Gangcuangco. Medyo "liberated" sya. Kung baga, for mature audience... Sige na nga! For me, sa palagay ko mahalay siya! Pero dahil isinulat siya ng isang UP student na halos kasing tanda ko, at UP student naman ako, at in-endorse siya ng prof ko sa klase, binasa ko na siya! At ang theme naman kasi ng libro ay awareness sa HIV-AIDS at pati na rin mga gender issues. Well, wala rin naman akong ibang maisip na mas realistic na setting para sa ganoong topic kundi ang buhay sa gabi sa mga lugar tulad ng Malate. Pero, napahanga ako sa kakaibang istorya. Tungkol siya sa isang super talinong med student na tumatambay sa Malate at napakarami niyang matututunan tungkol sa buhay na hindi naituturo sa klasrum. Masasabi ko na hindi siya yung usual na cheap na nobela. Honestly. Napaluha pa nga ako sa ibang parts ng kuwento.... Astig siya. Wala pa siya sa bookstores, pero kapag nakita niyo siya sa bookstores, wag kayong magdalawang isip na bumili!

Isa pang gagawan ko sana ng review ay ang pelikulang Pamahiin! Hindi ko alam kung anong naisipan namin at pinili namin ito. Siguro naengganyo kami ng mga commercials! In fairness, hindi ko na-enjoy ang pagka-horror niya. Kasi naman, kung kami ang kasama mo, magiging comedy talaga kahit horror! Sobrang ingay namin at nasa harap pa kami nung nanood sa town. Pati yung mga katabi namin nagtatawanan na rin sa mga side comments namin eh! Pero ang galing ni Iya matakot! Bilib ako sa facial expression niya. Hehe. Isa lang sa mga napuna namin na mali, yung keyhole ng banyo, bakit na sa loob? At kahit anong silip naman ang gawin mo sa mga doorknob ngayon ay wala kang masisilip diba?! Hehe. Basta ako, nakita kong nakita ko!

Hay... Kakaiba ang feeling.

Marami pa akong gagawin pero tinotopak ako at inuna muna ang lakwatsa at ang leisure reading at panonood ng DVD ng ice age kaysa mag-aral. Haha! Feeling ko bakasyon ako. Bakit kasi ako nag-summer?

Pero ang saya pa rin ang summer class ko so far.
Tama ang sinabi ng prof ko, mayroon nga talagang mysteries yung rosary. I-try ninyong magmeditate sa mysteries. For the first time in my whole life, nasubukan ko siya! Believe me. Pero sa palagay ko, kulang pa rin ang nare-realize ko para maisulat dito. Dibale kapag sigurado na ako, ishi-share ko sa inyo!

As for now, mag-aaral na ako dahil may exam ako sa Tuesday. At marami pang homework para sa Monday.

Buti na lang at nabasa ko yung nobela kanina at kahit certified crammer ako, ay na-inspire akong mag-aral na! Binigyan din ako ng inspirasyon sa pagtuloy sa Med! Sabi nga sa libro, it's a matter of Time Management!

Happy Vacation nalang sa inyo, pero ako mas happy sa summer classes ko. Isa pa, masarap ang iced coffee! Pero mas masarap ito kapag may kasamang chocolate! Huhahahah. Yahei...

WAIT LANG NGA PALA________________________
Salamat nga pala sa inspirasyon kong mag-aral last sem. Kung hindi ako na-heart broken, hindi magiging 1.625 ang average ko. Maraming salamat sa'yo! Siguro nga you're a blessing in disguise! Isa pa, ok na ako. Siguro naka-move on na ako sa moving on stage. I think I still really care for you, pero yung level lang na nakikibalita pa rin ako sa iyo. Totoo, nakakamiss ka at nami-miss ko na rin yung old times. Pero syempre ganun talaga, kailangang matuto. At para matuto, kailangang may teacher. At higit sa lahat, dapat may lesson. Totoo na kapag may dapat kang matutunan mula sa experience, kailangan munang matapos ito. Kailangang tignan mo siya from a different perspective.

Hindi na ako ulit selfish ngayon.

Tulad ng dati.

Pero ito ang tandaan ninyo.

Lapag nasa isang relationship kayo, pormal man o di pormal(Ang tinutukoy ko ay yung dalawang taong nagmamahalan, at hindi lang yung officially boyfriend and girlfriend), kailangang isipin mo rin ang nararapat para sa iyo. Dapat may justice. Dapat fair. Hindi lang martyrdom. Pero siyempre, depende na sa usapan ninyo kung paano kayo magco-compromise. Kapag nagmamahal ka, dapat damay din ang sarili mo sa pagmamahal na nagmumula sa'yo. Hindi masama ang maging demanding. Masama, ang OVER demanding.

Lilinawin ko lang na ito ay KUNG nagmamahalan pa kayo.

Kung tapos na ang relasyon o wala na kayo talaga. Kalimutan mo na ito.
Actually, bukod sa wala ka nang karapatang magdemand, wala ka rin namang mapapala. Sasaktan mo lang ang sarili mo. Hayaan mo na siya. Sa parteng ito, parang pagmamahal pa rin sa kaniya ang ginagawa mong pagpapalaya, pero para sa sarili mo rin ang ginagawa mo. Dahil alam mong tanggapin ang katotohanan.

Ang naging problema kasi sa akin ay naging baligtad ang pag-iisip ko noon. Kung kailan may karapatan akong humingi ng demands, nagpaka-martyr ako. At kung kailan wala na ang lahat, saka ako nagngingitngit dahil hindi ko makuha ang gusto ko. Hindi ko alam kung nangyayari ba ito sa ibang tao, pero ganun talaga ang nangyari sa akin. Kaya natatawa ako kapag naiiisip ko na nagtataka pa ako dati kung bakit ako sobrang heart-broken.

Medyo baligtad talaga akong mag-isip! Kaya pala all those times, nagtatalo ang puso ko at isipan, dahil yung utak ko yung mali. Pero hindi ko masisisi ang sarili ko. Siguro, sa panahong iyon kasi, hindi pa ako handa. Kaya magulo ang nangyari. Ngayon, siguro natuto na ako. At marami pa akong matututunan.

------------------**************

Andrama ko minsan!

PEro for now talaga, ang pag-aaralan ko muna, Islam at ang mga religion sa Southwestern Asia. Lagot ako sa exam!
Salamat sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko.
Kahit madalas walang kuwenta, may nag-aappreciate pa rin sa akin. Pati na rin sa pagkatao ko!

Anybody?

2006-04-20T16:49:00.001+08:00

Why can't I write really well in English?

I'm so jealous of those people who can use the language so freely and say what they want to say. I envy those who can capture their thoughts, feelings, and grievances in the correct damned highfalutin words. If only I can get back my inspiration in writing.

Today, I was able to chat with a complete stranger: a professor in some college in Ilocos. He visited this blog and made me think again about writing. I think I can never really write well. He showed me a blog of another of his chatmates who graduated from thesame university I'm in right now. I really liked and envied the way he can write both in English and Filipino. I wish I can also write with sense. I wish I have something interesting to write. Most of all, I want people to like what I write. I want to write. Period.

After that disturbing exchange of thoughts and "Good lucks" from a stranger, I was left here staring at the computer. Another friend was online. Actually, a classmate and my seatmate just a few hours ago. I just wish that I can share to him what I want to share to a friend. Not that he's not a friend, but sometimes, I just feel like nobody's going to stop in their daily activities and listen to me and how I feel. I miss my barkada. My old friends in highschool.

It's very sad right now that almost everybody I'm with in school is so busy in school. I admit too that I also AM too busy to ask them and get to know them beyond acads. But it's hard to let the emotional side be buried forever.

Sure, these are the times and situations when I miss the presence of someone who would care about you. And not just your life in school. That person who would tell you not to talk about your problems in school. Someone who would let you sleep on his shoulder on th way home just to make you relax and relieve stress. Someone who would be willing to look stupid just to make you laugh. Someone whose presence would make you feel safe even if you're walking in a street crowded with the most evil creatures ever known. Someone whose name would let you feel brave even when you're all alone in the dark. That someone who is not mine anymore. These are the times. And I always wished that I can find that someone again. I'm not referring particularly to that one, but the one.

And where is that one right now when nobody stops for me anymore?

Summer Class!

2006-04-18T19:22:00.000+08:00

Wow, Hindi ko inexpect na sobrang cool ng prof ko sa Histo 3! Mga Relihiyon sa Asya. Naaalala ko tuloy si Sir Bryan Dayuta! Hehe.

Nakakalungkot lang kasi iniba yung schedule ng class ko from 7:30-11:45 to 9:45-3:00! Hay... Hindi tuloy ako makakasama kila Anacat and the Lalans sa Friday... = ( Sorry...

Anyways... First day palang! Marami pang Happenings sa isang buwan!

Napaka-init sa Manila! Pero sanay na ako. Hindi tulad noong application period para sa 1st year college last year! Naks, Ang bilis ng panahon! Oh no, Second Year na ako! Weeeee...

Hahaha... Masaya ang araw na ito. Pramis. (^_^) Ahihihi

Happy day... Tra lala la... ho hum...

2006-04-06T15:29:00.000+08:00

Weee...

Wala akong masabi sa araw na ito...

Naghintay ako ng lagpas tatlong oras ng walang kasama para sa isang classcard.

Pero it's worth the wait naman kahit pa tinarayan ako ng babae sa Math department dahil pabalik balik ako buong umaga... hihi.

Saka, nakita ko si ______ kanina. Unexpectedly!

Haha...

Feel na feel ko ang bagong background colors nitong blog ko. Saya!

Yes. Bakasyon na rin sa wakas!

Nyahahahaharharhar.

Ngyuhahahhaha...

La kwenta tong entry.

Basta masaya ako.

Hihi.

Nakapagswimming na kasi ako kagabi! Nakalublob na rin ako sa tubig sa wakas! Yeeey...

Nakakain na rin ako ng Sundae kanina!

Beh. (^_^)

Feeling Bakasyon!

2006-03-28T08:23:00.000+08:00

Waaaaahhhhh........

Nakakainggit naman sila.

May finals pa kami sa Calculus sa Friday!!!! Halos lahat ng classmates ko dati, nagbabakasyon na. Nasa States, Cebu, Canada, etc. etc. Ako heto, stuck pa rin sa paggawa ng last minute requirements.

Nakakahiya na kayang gamiting excuse ang sobrang gasgas ko nang statement na ito:

"Sorry, di ako makakapunta, may exam kasi kami eh...Next time na lang. Promise!"

WEH.

Alam kong marami nang naiinis at kung minsan hindi na naniniwala. PERO TOTOO NAMAN EH!!!

Huhuhuhu...

Sa totoo lang nga, gusto ko nang sumama sa mga gimmick at wag na mag-aral!

Sawa na akong mag-aral sa exam!

Pero kasi, hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa akin at hindi ko magawang pabayaan ang pag-aaral ko. Kahit sobrang asar na asar na ako sa mga pesteng equation at formula, sa mga exam na hindi ko maintindihan kung paano ko nasasagutan, sa kabang nararamdaman ko tuwing mag-eexam na halos ikamamatay ko na, sa routine ko na aral-tulog-kain-commute na nakakabaliw na, sa mga usapan tungkol sa mga deadlines, requirements at quizzes, sa mga reklamo namin tungkol sa mga prof na mahilig manlait at magpahirap, sa mga bulok na facilities, sa mainit na panahon, sa nilalakad mula Faura hanggang Pedro Gil, sa takot sa mga mandurukot at holdaper tuwing magcocommute papuntang school, sa mga kaibigang nawawalan na ako ng panahon para kausapin, sa mga dating ka-close na kapag nadadaanan ko sa campus ay "hi" nalang ang nasasabi ko, at sa paulit ulit kong pagrereklamo tungkol sa buhay ko....

Sawang sawa na talaga ako! Pero hindi kaya ng conscience ko na itigil ang pakikipaglaban.

Naaalala ko ang statement ni Mr. R.L. Salenga noong ikuwento niya ang tungkol sa classmates niya.

"Kung hindi tayo mag-aaral, ano ang gagawin natin? Mag-aalaga ng kabayo?"

Huhuhu... Nakakaiyak. Sino ba naman kasi ang pumilit sa akin na mag-aral sa UP at Pharmacy pa ang piliing course??!!

Wala. Ako.

Demet. (<<--- I like this!)

Hay. Kaya tuloy wala akong dahilan para magreklamo.

Pero minsan, naiisip ko:
Bakit si Manny Pacquiao?
Hindi naman sila graduate ng UP at hindi nga siya nakaapak sa college, pero sikat mayaman at napakarami niyang commercial ads?!

Iniidolo pa siya ng marami?

Kailangan pa ba talagang mag-aral?!!!

Ewan ko ba.
----------------------******************************

Alam niyo ba, kahapon kumain ako sa McDo sa loob ng Rob place kasama ang dalawa kong step sisterets (AkA EJ at Joyce).

Habang wala kaming magawa at naghihintay kami, naisip namin na matapos ang isang buong sem, kahapon lang kami uli nakakain sa rob!

Alam niyo ba kung ano ang second sem para sa amin?

Walang Break time. Kumakain kami ng lunch sa loob ng classroom habang nagsasalita ang prof. Nagji-jeep kami para hindi ma-late sa next class sa Pedro Gil na magsisimula ng 8:30 dahil natatapos ang unang klase nang 8:30 din. MAy quiz kasi lagi bago magsimula ang klase. Exams? Palagi namang may exams eh. Kaya wala nang sense ikuwento pa sila.

In short, second sem: nakakagulat. as in. SOBRANG NAKAKAGULAT para sa mg first year lalo na sa Pharm.

Pero noong isang beses na nakausap namin ang isang upper batch (Kuya NBA) sabi niya, "kamusta?"

Kaming mga freshies," Kuyaaaaaa... Tatlo exam namin ngayooooong araaaaw...."

Sagot niya naman," TAAATLOOO LAAANG???!!!"

Tahimik na lang kami.

Hehe.
---------------------------------------************************

Ngayon, unti-unti nang nagbibigayan ng grades.

Alam kong nakakahiyang magreklamo dahil kapag nabasa ito ng iba kong kaklase, hahambalusin nila ako. Marami pang mas namomroblema sa akin.

Sa totoo lang, suwerte pa nga ako nitong lagay na to eh.

CHAMBALERA + MALAKAS KAY SUPERFRIEND = Survivor.

Nawa'y lagi akong maging chambalera at nawa'y palagi akong malakas kay Papa Jesus, para mabuhay ako ng matino.

Gusto ko na talagang magbakasyon.

Tumigil na ang utak ko. Nagbakasyon na.

Iniwan akong nakatulala, at ngayon, heto ako, nagta-type.

Nagmamakaawa ako sa utak ko na bumalik na siya at tapusin na namin ang second sem para makapagbakasyon na kaming pareho.

(Deep Inside)

Utak: Whooooo! bakasyon daw. E nag-apply ka nga ng advanced subjects para sa summer eh.

Ako:Oo nga pala no!

Utak: Kita mo na! Di ka talaga nag-iisip! Tapos nagrereklamo ka diyan!

Ako: Hay, sori na! Kung sabagay makikita ko naman si _____ dahil may class din siya sa summer!

Utak: Makasarili ka talaga! At ako naman ang ito-torture mo? wala bang bakasyon?!?!

Ako: Umm.. eehh...

Utak: Diyan ka na nga! Tapusin mo mag-isa yang project mo sa psych! at bahala ka nang mag-exam sa math sa friday! Hmpf! Baboo!

Ako: Wait.... Huhuhuhu.

Utak: Haha iyakin!

Ako: Sige na. Magbakasyon ka na. Ganyan ka naman eh. Nang-iiwan sa ere. Magtatype na nga lang ako dito sa blog.

Utak: B*bo ka talaga! Gawin mo na kaya ang project mo no?!! Deadline na sa Thursday! wala ka pang nasisimulan!

Ako: Tutulungan mo na ako?

Utak: Oo na!

Ako: Yehey! Sige!!! Titigilan ko na ang walang kuwentang pagta-type sa blog na to muna. At parang ewan na rin kasi ang nagbabasa nito eh. (Basura na ang binabasa niya, di pa niya alam.)

Utak: Whatever chai. Baliw ka talaga! May sira ka yata sa utak eh.

Ako: ... ...Siguro nga no?

(^_^) Pax!

365 days since

2006-03-18T16:26:00.000+08:00

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Mula sa araw na ito:

TAPOS NA AKO SA KANYA! (Bye Ma'am Jimenez)

Graduate na ko sa Philosophy 1 ko! (Kahit ang paborito ko lang gawin ay matulog sa klase at pag nagising, makipag-debate sa prof na weirdo din naman-- pero malufet ang brains!)

Kakatapos lang ng finals kanina.
I'll miss philo, pero don't worry ma'am, I'll bring KAnt's spirit and the Philosophic mind in me wherever I go, even if I can only be at the level of the phenomena... *sniff*

--------wala pa rin tulog---------------------------(@_@)

So, 4:30 pm na ngayon. Approximately 365 days and 30 minutes mula noong nakaupo ako sa ilalim ng makasaysayang lamesa at nakatingin sa kakaibang bughaw na kalangitan na natatanaw mula sa malaking bintana ng High school Publications Office ng San Beda College Alabang.

Tila nga kakaiba ang bughaw ng langit noon. Kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko. Hindi maipaliwanag.

Hindi makakalimutan.

PERO SYEMPRE, IBA NA ANG PANAHON NGAYON.

Siguro kung ilang beses akong humihinga ay ganon din ang dami ng mga pagkakataong sinabihan ako ng "Move on gurl" ng mga kaibigan ko, ng mga classmates, ng mga friends, niya, at nilang lahat.

Kahit ako rin, ginagawa ko na siyang mantra everyday. PAra na nga siya yung tunog ng mga monks na "Om... Om... Om..." HAha! "Move On... On... On..." (Pero mas madalas nasasapawan pa rin sya ng, "May test sa Pharm... Chem... Pharm... Chem...")

Pero yun lang naman talaga ang pwedeng gawin e. (MAg exam? Joke!) Ang mag move on. Kasi pag nag move under ka. HAHAH! baliw na ko. I mean, saan pa bang pwedeng magpunta diba?

Ang paggalaw lang naman ng time ay forward lang. (Maghanap kayo ng Philosopher na kokontra) FORWARD. Lalo na pag-invalid na ang mga nakaraan. Gets? HAha.

I mean, pag wala nang pag-asa, bakit pa aasa? HELLOW. False hope, walang lugar sa akin yun. Sabi nga ng Grade 5 teacher ko. Ms. Leony Aro: "Kung ayaw mo, wag mo." -Yun ang Freedom para sa akin.

Gayunpaman, naniniwala pa rin ako sa sabi ng dakilang Math teacher ko nung Highschool, na hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring kapantay kahit sa UP. Madame Susan Madali: "There is always a possibility." (Imagine nyo nalang ang tono nya kung kilala nyo sya.) Hindi ko nirurule out ang mga possibilites ng buhay ko. Pero sabi nga, inductive ang reasoning na ito. At kung walang matibay na dahilan para supportahan ito, hindi ko na masyado pag-aaksayahan ng panahon ang pag-asa sa nakaraan.

Saka sinabi na nga eh. INVALID na ang pangangarap ng nakaraan. KAsi iba na. (May iba na sya.)

Wala na akong karapatan ngayon. ---TOTALLY. Kaya, sa wakas, meron na akong matibay na dahilan para tigilan ang kalokohan ko.

Whew. Whoa (Sabi nga ng step sisters ko, /Whowah pa ang bigkas nila)

Basta. Ayan 4:50 na pala.

A year ago, nasa Church ako. Nagpapasalamat sa mga miracle ng buhay ko. Up to now, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako.

Sa totoo lang, tumibay talaga ang paniniwala ko kay Papa Jesus noong March 18, 2005. Dahil sa maraming biyaya. Hanggang ngayon, napakarami pa rin niyang blessings para sa akin.

Minsan tuloy, naiisip ko na favorite ako ni Papa Jesus. Haha!

Talaga namang may favoritism si God e! Sabi nya, "Favorite ko kayong lahat."

At di lang yon, Love pa nya tayo.

Odiba? Di ka ba naniniwala? Kahit sa pinakapangit at pinkamapait na events, experiences, feelings at relationships, meron pa ring something doon. Something pure and Good.

Bahala ka nang mag-discover. Alam niyo kasi, kakaiba dumiskarte si God. KAkaiba talaga sya.

(^_^)
------------------------------------------*******************

Ngayon, Sana naman walang Philosopher na makipagtalo sa akin tungkol sa existence ni God.

Basta ako love ko si Papa Jesus.

------------------------------------------*******************

Wow...

Practice ng graduation namin a year ago ah...

Siguro yung mga lower batch din.

Nako, ang mga fourth year, wala nang magawa. Sarap na ng buhay.

Karamihan dyan, nagliligawan na lang.
Kasi yung mga guys na parang ewan, nagkakalakas ng loob lang kapag last chance na. PArang EWAN talaga! Talagang hinintay niyo pang malapit na kayong magkahiwa-hiwalay noh?!

-----------------------------------------******************

Miss ko na ang BENE. Wala parin bang yearbook?

Sya nga pala, Iba na ang info ko sa Yearbook. Sa sobrang tagal nila magrelease, nagbago na ako ng cellphone number at landline. Hindi na yung nakarecord doon! Kung gusto nyo makuha yung recent, tanungin nyo nalang sakin thru email; chaiching31@yahoo.com. Otei?

------------------------------------------******************

So, di na siya nagreply. Tinext ko lang siya ng magandang hapon at tinanong nya kung kamusta na ako.. Pero actually ang nakasulat lang sa text nya, na laging mali ang spelling, ("mhsta") Yan lang ang laman ng text. Tapos sabi ko kakatapos lang ng exams, tapos sabi nya sila day Mon to thurs pa, tpos tinanong ko sya kung kamusta na sya, tapos hindi na nagreply. Haha. Siguro busy sa girlfriend nya. Well well well... What can I say? Wala. AHhahaha.

-----------------------------------------*********************

Andaming commercial no?!!

Nagtataka ka siguro kung paano ako nagkukuwento ng ganito karami e wala naman akong kausap.

Siguro nga sanay talaga akong magkuwento ng walang kausap. HEHE!

Pero tanungin nyo sa blockmates ko kung kayang pigilin ng sakit ko yung pagdaldal ko.

Bakit kaya ako madaldal? Di ko rin alam. Puro nonsense lang naman kinukwento ko.
Pero yung nonsense ba magkakasense kung nakakapagpasaya sya?

From that, masasabi ba nating nonsense yung mga Clown dahil nagpapasaya sila?

Ikaw, natutuwa ka ba talaga pag nakakakita ka ng clowns? O natatakot?

Bakit kaya Clown ang tawag sa mga payaso?

ANg Boyoyong ba ay isang brandname ng mga payaso o clown?

Papayag ka bang maging clown na hindi natatanggal ang make-up forever, kung ito lang ang magpapasaya sa crush mo?

Nonsense.

Whooooooooo...

Pero naaaliw ka naman. HAHA! Magsama sama tayong mga walang sense ang utak! Pero masaya!

------------------------------------*******************

Bakit andaming segment nitong entry ko?

WAIT LANG!

ANG FOOT LONG HOTDOG BA, MATATAWAG PA RING FOOT LONG KUNG SEGMENTED NA SIYANG ISE-SERVE SA CUSTOMER (PERO NAKA-ALIGN PA RIN ITO PARA MAKABUO NG 1 FOOT)?

-----------------------------------********************8

Hay therapeutic talagang magsulat ng nonsense. Nakakarelax! Try nyo.

Magpakanonsense ka lang ng isang araw. Maaadik ka sigurado sa nonsense na buhay.

wheeeeee...

weeee.....

we....

wi...

(^_^)

Dahan dahan lang sa pag smile at pag-"whee".

hihi.

Mata ng Bagyo

2006-03-13T19:44:00.000+08:00

Pansamantalang humuhupa ang hangin...

Natahimik muna ang isip ko...

Lumipas na ang unang bugso...

Sa susunod na linggo, panibagong pagsubok nanaman!

Lilipas din ang hell week. Kaya natin yan!

Sana lang may kasama ako sa gitna ng mga unos na ito...

Malamig kasi ang hanging humahagupit sa akin, at ang yelong-tubig na bumubuhos sa tuwing ika'y naaalala.

Kahit ang sabi ng lahat ng katotohanan at realidad na wala ka na, ang isang bahagi ng aking pagkatao'y nagpumilit na itago ka muna sa puso, at ito'y hinayaan ko.

Ngunit sa ngayon, mas makapangyarihan ang isip at katotohanan, kaya ibabaon ka muna sa limot...

Mamaya ka nalang huhukayin muli, kapag kapiling ko na ang malalambot na unan, na sa aking pagyakap ay nagiging ikaw sa aking pangarap... At nagiging basa ang mga bulak na ito sa pagdilig ng aking luha sa tuwing naaalala...

Alam kong lalo pa kitang minamahal ngayong wala ka na sa akin... At lalo akong nasasaktan...

Ikaw, na nasa imahinasyon na lang, at hindi ang kahit sinong nasa aking realidad na naaagnas sa pangungulila...

Tama na muna. Sa ngayon, nasa mata ako ng bagyo... Mamaya pa bubuhos ulit ang ulan.

Kapag malinaw nanaman sa ala-ala.

Hoi Noonal!!!

2006-02-28T08:40:00.000+08:00

Matapos ang ilang araw ng pananahimik at hindi pagpo-post dito, ako'y nagbalik na!
(Walang kinalaman dito ang State of National Emergency ni Panggulong dwendelicious)
Kahit na gusto kong magsulat tungkol sa mga napapanahong isyu tulad ng nabanggit sa taas, minarapat kong wag na lang muna.

Hay...
pagbukas nga ng TV at Radio puro yun na lang e, pati ba naman sa blog ko??!! Wag na muna. Baka wala nang magbasa e.

So, matapos ang isang madugong linggo (Na himalang walang kahit isang exam!) heto na ako ulit.

[Pasensya na at hindi ako nakapagsulat dahil gabi na ako umuuwi araw araw buong linggo *hingal* (Pero mga bago mag 10 pm nasa bahay na ko!)]

So ano bang nangyari buong linggo?

Wala naman.

Nagpapractice kasi kami ng mga kanta para sa Siklab (Interlevel competition sya sa college of Pharmacy, UPM) kaya late na ako nakakauwi. Natuklasan ko na talaga ngang nakakatakot magcommute ng mag-isa sa gabi. Nakakatakot din sa College of Pharmacy kapag gabi... Nagpapractice kasi kami sa Fourth floor minsan. ***FYI: Nasa likod ng college of Pharmacy ang Morgue ng PGH (Awoo...) at ang mas nakakatakot (*Ahem, makinig ka Ate Glo*) unstable na ang fourth floor ng building namin. [*iyak* Kelan ba iparerenovate ang building? Sobrang luma na kasi... Hellow. At balak pang tapyasin ni Mareng Gloring ang 65 M mula sa budget ng UP?!!!] Kawawa... tsk tsk tsk... Kung marunong lang akong mag-magic, gagawa ako ng marmaing pera. Kung mas magaling pa kong mag-magic, gagawin kong bago yung building namin... At kung ako ang pinaka walastik na Magician sa balat ng lupa ay papalitan ko yung utak ni Mareng Gloring ng hindi utak ng lamok, yung puso nya ng hindi puso ng saging, yung buto nya ng hindi itim na buto. (Kayo nang bahalang umintindi, at tinatamad akong magpaliwanag). Ayan, mahirap talagang hindi makialam kung minsan! Kasi naaaektuhan din kami e... At mamatay na ang dwendeng nagsabing salbahe ang mga taga -UP dahil matapos kami pag-aralin ng gobyerno (particularly ng dwende), ay kami pa ang kumakalaban sa kanya. ABA ABA ABA. HelLow to the nth power. Para sa kaalaman ng lahat ng nilalang na nabubuhay sa mundo. Ang taong bayan ang nagpapaaral sa amin. Ang mamamayang Pilipino. Lahat ng nagbabayad ng tax (na dagdag ng dagdag). Kayo, ang nanay at tatay natin, ang kapit bahay namin, basta lahat lahat. Lahat ng nagbabayad ng tax sa gobyerno, ang nagpapaaral sa amin. Kaya nga Iskolar ng BAYAN e. (Hindi iskolar ng nunal). Dapat pa bang itanong kung bakit kami nagtataka dahil habang pataas ng pataas ang buwis na binabayaran ng mga tao, palaki ng palaki rin ang budget cut sa UP? [hindi nga maipaayos ang mga equipment sa Pharm Lab e.]

Unibersidad ng Pilipinas.

Magandang edukasyon. Napakaraming matatalinong utak ang palakad lakad sa campus. Sabi ng iba, "wow UP, yan ang pinakamagaling na university sa Pilipinas."

Pero nasan ang suporta? knock knock Mareng Gori.

Bakit sa ibang bansa, pag sinabing _(lugar)_ university at Universoty of _(lugar nila)_. Feeling mo sobrang hi-tech dun. Sobrang prestigious. Sobrang _wow_. Dito pag sinabing UP... wow ang galing... Pero kapag sinubukan nyong dumalaw sa campus... tsk tsk. *iling nalang tayo ng ulo. Sabay sabay. to the left! to the right! One more time!

Hay... pero hindi ko sinasabing pangit pag-aral sa UP ha. Sa totoo nga love ko na to e. Kaya ko nga pinupuna ang mga bagay na ito, dahil... umm... e... kapuna-puna naman sya talaga e!

Hay. Nagbabalik na kaya ang panahon ng mga prayle kung saan takot ang mga nakatataas (o nakabababa... hehe.) na matuto ang kabataan? Kaya ba dalawang araw na nawalan ng pasok... (Hehe, hindi ako plastik) Kaya ba tinatanggalan ng budget ang isa sa mga pinaka prestihiyosong unibersidad sa bansa (Na nagdadala pa ng pangalan nito ha, take note). Takot ba sila na maintindihan ng mga tao ang kabulukan nila??!!!

Waaahhh!!!!!!

Huhuuuu.....

ANg gulo ng mundo.................

Ang guloooo!!!!!!

Pakiayos mo nga.

TULOY, kasalanan nila kung bakit hindi ko nasunod ang purpose ng entry na ito...

******di ko na naishare na bumagsak ako sa exam sa Pharm Lab dahil nabaligtad ko yung Newton at Galileo. Kasi Newton for True daw, and GAlileo for false. Sayang din yung 10 items na yun.

******di ko na naishare na walang kwenta yung mga gabing pinagpractisan namin ng kanta, dahil hindi natuloy yung competition dahil nga walang pasok nung friday.

******di ko rin naishare kung bakit natutuwa ako sa dahon ng mangga nitong huling thursday.

******di ko din nashare na bumagsak ako sa quiz sa chem dahil hindi ko talaga inaral at wala talaga akong alam dahil tinamad akong mag-aral dahil napuyat ako dahil sa practice sa Siklab na hindi naman natuloy.

******di ko rin na-share na natapos ko nang basahin yung Stainless longganisa ni Bob Ong at nainspire talaga ako.

******di ko rin nashare na matatapos ko na ulit basahin yung Fifth Mountain ni Paulo Coelho (Na regalo sa akin ni Joan Hiteroza nung third year [ thanks!]) at naiyak lang ako ngayong pangalawang bese ko syang basahin. Nakarelate kasi ako this time e.

******di ko rin nashare kung paano (dahil di ko na maalala kung kailan at paano) ko talagang pinapatawad na yung isang tao sa isang nakaraan. (naks parang telenovela). Narealize ko lang na hindi talaga sya para sa akin. Praise the Lord.

******Ngayon ko lang na-realize kung gaano kasarap sabihin at kung gaano nakaka relax yung pagtawag ko kay "Lord God". Ang ganda kasi sabihin ng "Lord God" kapag kausap mo Siya.

******Ngayon ko lang narealize na hindi ko talagang kayang i-identify yung "Guwapo" sa "Pangit" pagdating sa itsura. Mas madali palang magjudge ng ugali kaysa itsura.

******Miss ko na pala yung mga taong kasa-kasama at kausap ko lang palagi dati...

******Ang babait pala ng blockmates ko ngayon... ^_^

******Sayang di ako nakapunta sa despedida ni Anakat...

******Natapos akong first nung tumakbo kami ng 8 rounds sa PE! pero namula ako ng sobra. As in Bloody Red Cheeks, and all. At pinagtawanan nila ako. Hihi...

******Papasok na pala ako para lang sa isang subject namin. At kailangan ko nang umalis!

Bavoosh. Sana walang naoffend sa sinulat ko dito. Siguro naman may FREEDOM pa dito no.

Mamatay na ang gustong pumatay sa Press.

Sana wag nilang gawing parang school paper ng highschool at gradeschool ang media na puro bulaklak lang ang pwedeng ipublish.

Animala.

Pasensya na, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong magtype ng tungkol sa mga nangyayari.

Go Philippines!
Sana sa March 2, maayos na ang lahat!

Parang may Kul_ng

2006-02-16T19:07:00.002+08:00

Bravo!

Ang taas ng rating ng blog ko ngayon ah.

Salamat sa mga taong pinilit kong magbasa ng blog ko. Ang galing nila mambola!
(Di na kailangan, mukha na nga kong bola e. Flattery nalang kaya?)

Pero eto.

Hindi ako masaya ngayon.

Hay...
Alam nyo ba kung gaano nakakainis mabuhay?

Ako hindi.

Kaya nga ako naiinis e!

So ikukwento ko muna ang mga kaganapan kahapon:

Nag-exam kami sa Chem!
Nagcramming ako. I'm proud!

Pagdating ko sa school, saka ko lang naaral yung 4 out of 5 experiments na lalabas sa exam. (In short, isa lang naaral ko sa loob ng dalawang araw sa bahay! Ganon ako katamad! Expert lang talaga sa cramming.)

So pagkatapos kong magpakahenyo ng isa't kalahating oras at isaksak sa isip ko lahat ng chemicals, reagents, processes, at equations. Lumabas na ako ng library! At eto, Ang masasabi ko, parang wala akong naalala. Biglang tumigil ang utak ko. Para akong zombie na naglalakad pababa ng stairs, papunta sa death chamber.
Sa labas ng death chamber, nagsasalita ng kung anu anong last minute Ka- OC-han at Kanerdyhan ang mga tao. At take note: Di ako makarelateness! Kaloka.

So habang nagpapaka OC sila, naupo ako sa isang tab dun at tumulala (Sa totoo lang gusto kong lumupasay sa sahig at magsisigaw, Crispin!!!! Basilio!!!! Anong naging kulay ng Dichromate?!!!)

Ok ka lang? Baka may sakit ka uli?
Basag ng isang mabuting kaibigan sa tahimik na kabaliwan. Oo, may sakit ako. Sa utak. Hahahahahaha.

Ang sarap tumawa.

Bakit hindi gumagana yung nasa loob ng skull ko?! Nainis talaga ako.

So nakapila na ako at papasok na kami sa death chamber.

Kinikilabutan na ko. (Hindi to exaggerated ha).

Ano ok ka na? Tanong sa akin.
Lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. Lalo akong kinilabutan.
Pagpasok sa exam room......

(Jaws music...)
Si Mr. Li! Nakakatakot. At nangingislap pa ang kanyang makapal na salamin. Magsisimula na ang test!!!!! At alam nyo nangyari?

____ Edi pinasa namin yung test paper pagkatapos. Hehe. (^_^)

-------###########

Ano ba kayo. Binasa nyo pa yung tungkol sa exam, e wala namang interesting dun dahil may exam naman every week at pakiramdam ko naman tuwing may exam e mamamatay ako.

Ang interesting ay ito:

Pagkatapos ng exam (Gabi kasi yun) Syempre uuwi ako ng bahay.

Kasama ko si Elo (Ayaw nya kasing tinatawag syang Eloise) at sabay kaming pauwi. So sumakay kami sa bus (na thank God at may upuan pa) at umupo kami.

So sa may center isle ako nakaupo. At maya-maya, napuno ang bus. So may mga nakatayo na.

So eto ako, walang magawa. Nilabas ang fone ko, at nagbalak maglaro ng bagong game na nilagay ng kuya ko sa fone ko. Kaso may isang mamang nakatayo sa tabi ko, tapos nakayuko sya (dahil mukhang di nya makita yung TV sa harap). So tinago ko nlang yung fone ko dahil ang awkward ng feeling ko. Maya maya, buti nalang biglang lumuwag. Naiwan dun yung isang girl, nakatayo din sya. Kinakapa nya bulsa nya. Sabi nung isang babaeng medyo mukhang 30's na. "Nanakawan ka no?!Sabi ko na nga ba mandurukot yon eh!" Nanakawan ng Fone yung girl.
Waw. Hindi nya naramdaman. Dalawang magnanakaw yung magkasama. At yung isa ay yung mamang nasa tabi ko. At nakalabas pa yung fone ko sa tabi nya.

Galeng!

Hay... Sobrang nagpasalamat talaga ako kay Lord. Grabe, feeling ko ako talaga dapat yung nawalan e! Sapul!

pag-uwi sa bahay. Kain, ligo, blag!!! Tulog sa kama. Wala nang aral aral para sa quiz bukas. Tutal si Mr. Li rin yung first subject bukas e. Quiz daw 7:00 am! Pagkatapos ng exam namin sa subject nya nung gabi! Huwaoow.. Bravo!
-------##########

Mga tanong na wala pa ring sagot:

Ano bang lasa ng tubig?
Walang lasa? Yung "Walang lasa" ba, flavor din yun? E pano natin natitikman?

Eto, kasi ignorante ako:
Paano nagiging pare parehas yung design ng tiles na parang Marble yung design?

-------##########

So ngayong umaga.

Nakasabay ko papasok ng gate nung classmate ko, at nagmamadali kami para sa chem.

Nagkukwentuhan kami ng hinanakit sa magaling naprof namin na si Mr. Li, at nagmamadali dahil male-late na nga kami. Nang biglang ---

"HALA, LATE NA KAYO."

Aba, isang matangkad na lalaking may kumikislap na telescope, este salamin pala, ang bumati sa aming paglingon. Ang aming magaling na prof. So ayun, bigla akong nagising sa gulat (o takot?).

So nagulat ako sa result ng Psych exam ko.
Di ko inaasahang makatsamba nanaman ako.

BEST IN MULTIPLE CHOICE AWARD GOES TO:

Christine Ching!

FOR SUCCESSFULLY ANSWERING THE RIGHT ANSWERS BY CHANCE

(Hindi yata psychology yung inaral ko e. Psychic test ata yun. Haha.)

So ayun. Tsamba nanaman. (Wala kasi akong libro sa psych! tapos nakalimutan ko rin magpaphotox ng libro nung meron!) Kaloka.

Tapos nung Philo na, di ko alam kung bakit ako biglang nabadtrip. Fun naman ang Philo for me eh!

Sobrang lamig nung room. Sarap matulog. Tapos asar na asar ako. Ewan ko kung bakit.

(Whoo, chai ewan ba talaga?)

Eh kasi meron akong nakakainis na nakitang scene.

Nainis talaga ako!

So lumipas din ang Philo at surprisingly mukhang nagconnect din (for the first time) ang isip ng prof namin sa aking out of this world brain (na vacuum naman). So ok lang.

Tapos nung PE. Ang lupet. Nag weights room kami. At dun, nilapastangan kami, binugbog at sinaktan ng mga bakal at ng music na nagdidikta sa galaw namin. PAGKATAPOS, ouch. Sakit!

Ngayon ko napatunayan na mas masaya pala sa weighing room sa laboratory kesa sa Weights room sa Sports Science and Wellness Center (SSWC).

Pero ok lang.

Kasi ibang feeling ko ngayon!

Pero parang may kulang...

Ganito kasi yun...

-----------#########

Wait lang!!!
Masyado na bang mahaba entry ko???
Carry mo pa ba????

ayaw mo na yata eh.

Magkukwento pa naman ako sana tungkol sa bagong inspirasyon.

Kaso ang haba na eh. Next time! (^_^)

So, anong kulang?

Kulang sa koneksyon tong entry dun sa title nya!

Meron pala. Kasi, kulang ako sa pansin today! Hahaha...

Peace... (^_^)

Araw ng mga Puso

2006-02-14T19:22:00.000+08:00

Una sa lahat, hindi ko kayo muna babatiin.

Pangalawa sa lahat, wala namang kakaibang naganap ngayon.

Taghirap na ba talaga? Crisis?

Sa buong araw na inilagi ko sa labas ng bahay at sa gitna ng maynila, hindi yata lalagpas sa lima ang nakita kong taong may dalang bulaklak or balloons or cake or lollipop man lang na may puso.

Bakit nung gradeschool ako, pag Valentines nagbabaha ng bulaklak sa may gate ng school at ang mga batang walang muwang nama'y bumibili ng mga rosas para sa crush nila, sa mommy o kaya sa teacher.

Ngayon? hmm... Napaisip tuloy ako kung may kalendaryo ba ang mga tao.

Tama na nga. Bumili nalang ako ng chocolate para paghatian namin ng mommy ko.

Bakit ka nga ba maghihintay na bigyan ng chocolates at rosas kung may pera ka namang pambili?

Di naman ako ganon ka-poor!

Kung talagang matipid ka naman, uminom ka nalang ng Milo o kaya Ovaltine o Choquick pa kung gusto mo. Chocolate din yun. Haha.

Kaya sa mga di tumatanggap ng kahit ano sa araw na ito, wag tayong malungkot! Isipin mo nalang kung ilang tao sa mundo ang hindi nakakakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw, at marerealize mo kung gaano tayo kaswerte!

Actually swerte naman talaga tayong lahat e. Di naman kasi kailangang hanapin lagi yung wala.
Edi kung anong meron ka, maging masaya ka na! Kunwari, maganda ka na, sexy ka pa, mayaman, mabait, matalino, athletic, at talented. Wala ka nga lang boyfriend. OK LANG YUN! Isipin mo nalang artista ka at sabihin mo sa buong mundo:

"As for now, nagfofocus pa ako muna sa career ko at family. I'm happy with myself right now."

O diba?!! Showbiz na Showbiz!

Landicious!

Haha.

Kaya mga friends, huwag na kayong malungkot. Ok?

------------------------------------##################
SPECIAL CORNER:

So ang tanging tanong lang na naisip ko bigla ngayong araw na ito at bumabagabag sa kaluluwa ko:

Bakit ang mga tao sa China singkit?
Bakit yung mga unggoy dun hindi singkit?

May sagot ka ba?

-----------------------------------##################

Hay...

So Valentines nga.

May tanong ako ulit.

Ano kaya ang ratio ng mga taong inlove at may kasama, sa mga taong inlove pero mag-isa, sa mga taong iniwan at lumuluha?

Eto pa:
Tinatanong mo ba sa sarili mo kung ano ang ratio ng dami ng taong inlove/ may gusto sayo, sa dami ng mga taong mahal/ crush mo?

Eto pa:
Sa palagay mo ba, yung taong kasama mo ngayon, sya yung makakasama mo habang buhay?
Or, kung naging kayo ng crush mo ngayon, pakakasal ba kayo?
Or kung anong itsura ng magiging baby nyo?

Eto pa:
Sa palagay mo ba, kapag sinabi ng mahal mo ngayon sayo na, " I will love/ be with you forever" at kinilig kilig ka naman dyan, ay totoo nga yun? at hindi ka na nya iiwan?

Eto pa:
Ilang negative aspects ng mahal/ crush mo ang alam mo? (Kasama na dun ang mga kabalahuraan at kababuyan nya)

Eto pa:
Sa palagay mo ba, yang boyfriend/ girlfriend mo ay masipag? Sa palagay mo ba may future ka sa kanya? O ang alam lang nyang gawin ay magbasketbol, magplaystation / magpaganda, magshopping? O kaya naman, ang alam nyo lang dalawa ay maglambingan?

Eto pa:
Kung narealize mong wala pala sa kanya yung mga ibang tinanong ko, sa palagay mo seseryosohin mo nga syang makasama in the future?

*******************************************************

Eto lang advice ko.
(Kayo na bahala, hindi naman ito through experience)
(Sorry kung inispoil ko ang araw nyo)

Mag mature ka muna, at idevelop ang sarili bago mo ibigay sa iba ang sarili mo.

Dahil baka pati sya madamay sayo.

At masayang lang ang oras nyo sa isa't isa.

Mas masaya naman diba, kapag parehas kayong ok na ok na?

Kaya sa mga bata pa at isip bata pa na umiiyak iyak at naiistress out dahil sa love, normal lang yan. Pero wag mong damdamin palagi!

Mabuhay ang mga sawi!

Anong swerte nalang nung tamang tao para sayo dahil sya ang makakaranas at makakakita kung gaano ka kabuti! Kaganda/ kaguwapo/ Kagaling/ at kahanga hanga.

Malas nalang ng taong nanakit at nang-iwan sayo. Hindi nya lang alam kung ano ang value mo. Hayaan mo syang mamatay sa inggit pagdating ng panahon!

Hindi naman ako bitter dito no?

May nag-aagree ba?

Hui.

Haha.

Saka love naman tayo ni Papa Jesus diba?

I love You Papa Jesus! Happy ang Valentines ko dahil lagi nya akong mahal!

Ingatz kayong lahat. Mahal ko keu. (^_^)

Especially for Chem

2006-02-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

What a great way to start the day!
Imagine:
One Saturday morning. (Or dawn)
Wake up at 5:00 am. -After sleeping past 12 midnight.
Hurry.
Fix yourself.
Eat Breakfast.
Go go go.
Ride on a bus at 6:00 am, even if your whole being knows that your Second exam in Chem 14 will be starting at 6:30 am, and that you know that the ride is approximately one hour.
You wish for a miracle.
You look outside the window.
You suddenly realized that you haven't finished studying last night.
You grab your notes.
You forgot how to solve the sample problems.
You lose track of the time.
You fall asleep.
As the bus keeps on swerving, lulling you to sleep.
You suddenly wake up.

Animala!6:30 na!!!

But, you just try not to mind the time.
You can't do anything anyway; you're not the driver.
Grr...
You try to do some more cramming.(As if it's gonna work)
Finally! This is where you get off.
You run as soon as the light for pedestrians turn green.
You hurry past the drowsy guards at the gate.
It's still quite dark.
Especially in the old building. -Rizal Hall.
You have to run.
Nobody's still in the building, because it's too early and it's a saturday.
You can only hear your footsteps, and the clanking of your sandals.
You come to a dark hallway.
You remember the stories about the third floor.
And that's where you are exactly.
You glance at your watch.
Holy smokes! 6:45 am.
Ghosts or the exam?!

me?
I don't care.
I shouldn't be late. (Or I shouldn't be too late.)
Curse those ghosts and monsters.
I run through the dark hallway.
I imagine someone or something lurking in one of the roomsI passed.
But the hell!
I'm late!

I run through the laboratories.
The stink of Formalin hangs in the air.
Just another flight of stairs to the roofdeck ---there!
Tall-lean-Chinese-Prof-with-the-thick-glasses already there.
He had just finished distributing the papers.
Everybody's bent over their test papers.
Swoosh, I rush to get a chair!
Holy Moles!
My heart is beating too fast!
It feels like it's gonna jump out of my throat.
After a few minutes...
cool down.
Relax.
Arg!!!!
What the mole is this?!!!
Number one problem solving.
For 12 points.
No idea.
Bye bye 12 points.
Poor me.
Arg...
Waah.
Whatever!
The test ended after two hours.
What's wrong with my cervical vertebrae? It hurts like hell.
Arg.
What a morning!
Good morning to me!
I only learned one thing about myself.
Despite my being a certified Crammer, I therefore conclude that I'm willing to tackle hell (with all the ghosts and monsters) for the sake of Acads?
Eww...
Para sa Chem! Kayang kaya!

Tatlong Unggoy

2006-02-08T16:21:00.000+08:00

So.

Kakatapos lang ng exam ko ngayon sa Phar21 Lab!

Chem exam na lang sa Friday! Tapos Psych exam! Tapos Math Exam! Tapos Chem lab exam! Hahaha! Saya saya! Wahoo!

*Ouch* Nauntog yata ako sa kakatalon dito.

Einiweiz.

Kaninang umaga, kala ko 1 pm pa yung exam kaya nagpabagal bagal ako pero umalis ng maaga sa bahay, mga 10 am, para makapagcram sa school.

Yun pala?!! 11 am! Haha. Sakto lang dating ko. Buti nalang early bird ako! Ang sipag kasi magcram.

Tip para sa mg estudyanteng tamad like me: Ilagay sa schedule ang pagca-cram.

Kunwari, mamaya na ako mag-aaral, 1 hour before the test. Habang nasa Bus, for example. Ayun!

Hehe, at least diba, organized ang cramming at procrastination mo??

So ayun, pagsakay ko sa bus papuntang lawton, binalak ko mag-aral.

Eto lang ang weird at nakakainis!

Kasi pagsakay ko, meron 2 guys na nakaupo sa pangtatluhan na upuan. Yung isa, medyo nerdy(*ahem wag magrereact), yung isa, mukha namang tao (Hehe).

Tapos, syempre hindi ako umupo sa tabi nila, dahil meron namang seat na mas maluwag, dun yun sa likod nung chair nila.

Ang nakakainis, pag-upo ko, lingon sila ng lingon, at feeling ko pinagtatawanan nila ako. Ewan ko dun! Mamaya-maya, lumipat pa yung isa nilang kasama na mukhang combination nung dalawa, at medyo magulo sila.

SO hindi nga ako nakapag-aral kaagad.

Nagtataka tuloy ako kasi baka kilala ko pala sila, pero hindi talaga!

After the nth time na lumilingon sila, napansin ko na tumitingin sila sa breast pocket ko. (Sana naman pocket nga.) Kaya binuklat ko nalang yung book sa harap ko at dinedma sila.

Habang nag-aaral ako, narealize ng islow kong utak na... HELLO! Nameplate ko nga pala nakadisplay! ARGGGHH!!! At heto, naconfirm ang aking hinala! Dahil mas mataas yung chair ko kesa sa seat nila, napansin kong may tinatype sa celfone yung isa sa kanila. At aking nakita ang aking buong pangalan na isinulat ng kolokoy! christineaileenmching pa yun! ARGGGHHH!!! *cough cough* O well, wala na akong magagawa. Ano naman ang gagawin nila sa pangalan ko?!!
Ipapablotter nila?! Ay basta! Ang tanging leksiyon lang na natutunan ko ay:
WAG IDISPLAY ANG NAMEPLATE HABANG NAGCOCOMMUTE. Ayan.

O well, hindi ko naman sila talaga kilala. Who cares?

Ayun.

Buti naman bumaba na sila bago mangalahati yung trip ko at nakapag-review na ko ng matahimik nang walang mga weirdo.

Saka please lang, wag kayong lingon nang lingon sa mga tao kasi nakakafreak out yun eh!

Yech.

*********

Kakatamad na talaga mag-aral. Pero nagsusurvive naman ako.

Hay... Habang tumatagal nagiging basura na yung mga sinusulat ko dito.

Kasi naman, bakit napapadalas ang pagsusulat ko dito??

Dahil ba lonely ako? (umm...) Dahil ba wala na kong 24 hour textmate?(*sniff) Dahil ba wala na akong time makipagsocialize?!! (Oi, di naman!)

Wala lang.
Kasi wala naman akong mapagbuhusan ng iniisip at kuwento.
Hay...

Nakakamiss magkaroon ng kasama na pwedeng pagbuhusan ng kahit ano. (kumukulong tubig for example, hehe)

Pero di nga, masarap talaga pag may ganun no??

*sniff*

OMG,

epekto ba ito ng Nalalapit na valentines at Lovapalooza Ads sa TV??!

Hahaha! Malay ko!

Sige na, aaral na ako ulit.

Miss ko na mga kachikahan ko dati.

Nababakla na yata ako!

Hoy, mga chorva, asan na kayo?

Biglaang Inspirasyon!

2006-02-07T18:47:00.000+08:00

Una sa lahat, nagpapasalamat ako sa aking kakosa, este kaklase na nag-update ng blog nya sa friendster, at ako naman, na walang magawa, ay nakitsismis sa mga personal nyang pinagsususulat.

Ayun!

So ang punto lang nitong hindi ko inaasahang pagsusulat ng entry na ito ay:

Magbabagong buhay na ako! Magpapakasaya na ako palagi!

Nainspire kasi ako sa kaklase ko dahil kahit parang minurder sya sa acads, lovelife at kung ano pa, ang saya saya pa rin nya. At cute pa rin sya!

Kasi, kung titignan naman ako ng mga tao, yung humor at kababawan ko ay to the next level na!

PERO bakit kaya Ang lungkot lungkot ng Blog ko???!!!!

("Onga, Onga" - sabi nung ibang tsismoso dyan)

Haha. Bakit nga ba?

Hindi ko rin alam!

Nasaakin naman yun kung gusto kong sumaya no?

Blog ko to!

Wala kayong paki!

Bwahahahha....

Hay, totoo, minsan napakalungkot ng buhay. Pero bakit ito seseryosohin?

Bwahahaha....

Hay, talaga.

Grabe mag Babalentines na pala.

Trivia: I never ever received flowers on Feb. 14!

Pathetic?

NAH! Hindi noh! Haha... (Oi mga fans, hindi ako bitter)

Pero kung nagtataka kayo kung bakit, ako rin nagtataka. Hahahaha.

Yaaay... Pero swerte nung unang magbibigay sakin ng flowers! Espesyal sya! At list dibah?!

Hahaha... O well. Wala naman akong care. Nabubulok naman yung mga bulaklak.

Mas matutuwa pa ako kung may magpapadala sa akin ng research paper na ready to submit na para mabawasan ng katoxican ang buhay ko sa UP!

Hahahay...

Haha. Ang saya saya talaga!

Ikaw? Bakit mo to binabasa?!

Eto lang nakikita kong dahilan.

1. Interested ka sakin. (KApal!)
2. Obsessed ka sakin. (Kaya kahit basura yung sinusulat ko pinagtyatyagaan mo)
3. May nakaraan tayo. (ahay!)
4. Feeling mo type kita. (Ewwer... Baka nga!)
5. Tsismosa ka lang talaga. (Parehas tayo)
6. Miss mo na ko. (Ako rin!)
7. Naghahanap ka ng maipangaasar o backstab sa akin. ( Sorry ka na lang)
8. wala kang magawa. (Ako marami! gusto mo bigyan kita???!)
9. Abnormal ka. (Lahat naman tayo eh)
10. Love mo ko! (Tarush!)

Hay...

Basta.

Ayun ha.

Minsan naman maglalagay ako ng artik dito na hindi nagcoconform sa literary standards at kung anu pang chuvaness.

Nakikibasa ka na nga lang nagrereklamo ka pa!

Bwahahaha....

Luv ya ol. Happy Valentines!

Magsama-sama tayong mga Valentineless!

At least walang sakit sa ulo! Hahaha... Wala pang gastos! Bwahahaha.

Beh.

Cryin

2006-02-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

The most pathetic scene in the world:

An empty person, sitting beside her everything.

Her everything was really insensitive, or did it matter?

He was trying to make her laugh. But merely looking at his face made her cry even more.

Her everything wanted to talk, as if it were like before.

The empty person kept silent, keeping to herself her emptiness.

What would he want to hear? Does he want to hear me beg again? Does he want to hurt me again? The empty person thought to herself.

She kept silent. She bit her lips. She didn't want to look more pathetic. Her heart felt invisible tears forming in eyes. She swallowed everything she was dying to say.

Her Everything obviously felt awkward. He wanted to see things like everything was fine. Since the empty person didn’t want to talk to him, he just decided to call the girl, his everything. As he did, all became fine for him. His face lit with glee as he heard her voice on the headset.

The empty person just sat there, crying even harder. Her invisible tears were already choking her. Now, her everything and the girl was talking about her. He was mentioning how weird and awkward the empty person was, as she still wasn't talking to him.

The empty person now felt like breaking down. But she held herself up. As I mentioned, she didn't want to look pathetic. She was already empty, she didn't even have tears to cry. She was praying that real tears would fall from her eyes. So that her everything would notice. Or at least feel pity. Still, she didn't want to beg.

She envied her everything's bag. How tight and tender he held on to it. She wished that he would hold her, like his bag - like before. She felt his skin touch hers, but it meant nothing. There was an invisible wall now. There was nothing she could do.

She had no voice. She could just look at him at the side of her eye as he faced the other direction.
She pretended to be aloof, just to mask the emptiness, all the longing, the withering heart and soul. She was praying. She was now whispering his name. But he didn't hear. She was repeating again and again the words she wanted to say. Her lips were forming the most painful name she ever knew in her life. But he was looking the other direction. Her everything was busy talking to his everything. Her everything was completely oblivious to the breaking soul of the empty person beside him. She was dying. He never knew.

Moments passed and the empty person wondered if a miracle could happen. She wished for the most impossible thing in the world: to have her everything back. But quickly, she knew how impossible it was as she heard her everything and the girl talking on the phone.

She knew what reality was, so she was now wishing for insanity. She didn't want to live in that moment. She wanted to die. At least she was going to die beside her everything, and that was the most consoling thing she knew in the world during that instant.

Finally, it was time for the empty person to leave. Surprisingly, her everything held her down for a while. She was praying now. She wanted to hear something. Anything. She knew it was impossible. The most impossible thing in the world. But still she hoped. She wished. ----But her everything let go of her suddenly. A very painful moment. She held herself. Stood up. Forced a weak smile. She slowly walked away. She looked back at her everything. He was looking at her too. Maybe wondering.

He does not know. He is still her everything. It was very pathetic. But only the empty person knew that now. Her emptiness will be kept inside her. He seemed happy now. It doesn't matter to the empty person if she felt sad.

He may hurt me forever, hurt me to death. But I will never hurt him... my everything. The empty person thought to herself as she kept on crying out her emptiness in invisible tears.

Her everything never saw those tears.

Theory of the Objectivity of Love

2006-01-13T19:20:00.000+08:00

(from the proponent of the Chai theory)

People in this world are neither good nor evil. People only love. It must be clarified, for the reader’s sake that the word ‘love’ is used in the context, not as the common notion of it as directed towards others or the common good. Love may be directed to anything, living or non-living, material or immaterial.

The object of our love is so diverse. Some people may love peace, knowledge, beliefs, religion, faith, pleasure, stability, comfort, and even love itself. Love’s most popular object is the ‘not- self’ like the family, friends, a single person, the country, the oppressed, the needy, and other forms of martyrdom. But it can also be directed to other less popular 'self-centered' things such as fame, wealth, adventure, talent, superiority and power.

Love is something, which cannot be easily judged as good or evil, but it is true that true love entails sacrifice and suffering. If a person loves peace, he may sometimes suffer from passiveness for the sake of peace. Some people who love knowledge, doesn’t even mind sacrificing a normal social life and wealth. Some who love their beliefs, religion and faith, are also willing to do so. Some, who love pleasure, can be willing to sacrifice their moral values. Some, who love stability and comfort, would do away with possibilities, change and adventure. Those who love ‘love’ itself are willing to risk anything for the sake of loving and being loved. The same things go for everything else.

Indeed, love is very powerful. A person can never be stopped from loving. It wouldn’t matter if we think that the object of a person’s love is wrong, because loving or knowing that you have achieved what you love would make you happy, no matter how others judge you.

To think that everybody ‘just loves’ would make it easier for us to accept other people, whatever kind of person they may be. For example, someone who is selfish could be described in a neutral manner as someone who loves himself. A person who acts cowardly may be someone who just loves peace or possibly safety. A person whom society calls as flirty could be someone who just loves attention. Describing every form of love would take eternity.

Loving is innate in all of us. If God is Love, then it is true that God has created us in His own image and likeness - by planting in all of us the seed of love. The important thing is that we have to accept that we all love different things in different ways. This acceptance is called respect.

Respect is more powerful than love because it reconciles everything. Love is good, as long as we do not hinder the ability of others to love in their own way.

Ligaw na Kaluluwa

2006-01-07T20:41:00.000+08:00

Wala akong katahimikan.

Pakiramdam ko ay isa akong ligaw na kaluluwa na humihingi ng tulong, umiiyak, pero nang makita mo ako ay agad mong tinakbuhan. Ni hindi mo man lang yata napansin na dugo ang iniluluha ko. Ang alam mo lang, hindi mo ako dapat makaharap. Takot ka sa akin. Takot kang harapin ako. Hindi mo gustong makita ako sa kasalukuyan dahil ako ay nabibilang sa nakaraan.

Hindi mo ako nais makitang naghihinagpis, dahil ang gusto mo lang isipin ay naging masaya ako sa iyo, na ayos lang ang lahat, na pinalagpas ko lang ng mapayapa ang lahat ng ginawa mo. Hindi mo gustong malaman na nakasakit ka, na nasugatan mo ako nang lubos. Hindi mo matanggap na namatay ako dahil sa’yo. Nangangarap ka na mapayapa na ang kaluluwa ko ngayon, na tanging hiling ko lang ay kaligayahan mo, na gusto ko nang manahimik sa sarili kong buhay.

Inilibing ang puso ko nang buhay.

Pumipintig pa ito, pero tinabunan na ng lupa at putik. Isinulat mo sa aking puntod sa iyong alaala na ako ay namuhay ng maligaya kasama ka. Na pumanaw ako ng tahimik at may ngiti sa labi. Ngunit hindi mo iniukit na mapait ang mga ngiti ko kasabay ng aking mga huling hininga. Alam kong alam mo iyon, ngunit talagang hindi mo gustong tanggapin ang katotohanan.

Tulad ng lahat ng taong pumapanaw, ninais kong bumalik sa taong minahal ko habang nabubuhay. Ikaw ang gusto kong balikan. Gusto kitang makita. Gusto kong malaman kung kamusta ka na, kung nalungkot ka man lamang ba sa aking pagkawala. Gusto kitang yakapin kahit na ang madarama mo lang ay isang malamig na hangin na nakakakilabot, kasama ng mapapait na alaala.

Ngunit dahil ako ay patay na, hindi na ako bingi sa katotohanan. Nadidinig ko ang binubulong ng isip mo. Ayaw mong makita ako muli. Alam kong hindi kakayanin ng iyong kunsiyensya ang iyong ginawa.

Wala na akong buhay, pero may damdamin pa rin ako. Kaya bumubuhos pa rin ng tuluyan ang luha ko. Ang luha at dugo mula sa pusong sugatan. Nagmamantsa pa rin ito sa aking mahabang puting damit. Bakas pa rin sa aking kaluluwa ang sugat.

Hindi na kita gustong balikan, dahil ayaw mo. Ngayon, heto ako at pagala-gala sa kawalan. Paminsan ay makakatagpo ng isang taong nag-iisa at saka ko ibubulong ang “tulungan mo ako… tulungan mo ako…”. Ang iba ay walang nakikita sa kanilang paglingon. Ang ibang nakakakita naman sa akin ay nahihintakutan sa oras na makita ang matinding hinagpis sa aking mukha. Pula ang aking mata dulot ng sobrang pag-iyak. Maputlang maputla ako dahil wala na akong dugo. Piniga mo na kasi ang puso ko dati pa.

Minsan, nagpapanggap na lang ako para makakuha ng pansin. Kunwari maglalakad ako sa kalye bilang isang maganda at masayahing dalaga. Alam kong marami ang naaakit sa ganoong katauhan. Ngunit sa oras na maging malapit na sila, makikita nila ang mga mantsa na dulot ng nakaraan. Ang sobrang kalungkutan na nagpapakilabot sa lahat. At alam ko na ang susunod, kakaripas rin sila ng takbo. Tulad ng iba. Tulad mo.

Malungkot maging ligaw na kaluluwa. Mahirap maging nawawalang puso… Gusto ko nang matahimik Gusto ko nang matagpuan ang liwanag. Gusto ko nang masilayan ang taong magdudulot ng kapayapaan sa aking kaluluwa. Gusto kong malaman nya na ang pusong nilibing mo ay pumipintig pa. Na may buhay pa. Gusto kong ibalik niya ito sa akin, kasama ng aking hininga…

Ngunit habang wala pa siya, maghihintay ako, palutang lutang sa kawalan – Sa kawalan ng iyong pagmamahal.

Choco Loco

2006-01-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

I think I’m getting interested with chocolate... Maybe it's because of its dark color or perhaps because it looks very delectable. Simply imagining its rich flavor makes me euphoric. And its smell, the smell of true chocolate—it stirs in me indescribable feelings.

I think Chocolate is something really worth fancying. The mere sound of its wrapper seems to be a cheerful and enticing laugh... It's smooth texture that the tongue feels makes me want to jump up and down and hug everybody. When I see chocolate, I want to laugh out loud with pleasure. It brightens up my day. It completes my life.

I like chocolate. It fills my craving with its promising sweetness. Looking at chocolate comforts me. It erases all my worries. When there is chocolate around, I feel very hyper. I want to make everybody laugh and go crazy – just like what chocolate does to me. I want to be like chocolate. Chocolate is like me.

Yesterday, I saw chocolate in the room. I drank and ate chocolate only with my eyes and ears. I can only do such. Chocolate looks delicious, but I cannot really take it - yet. I’m afraid that if I seek too much comfort in it, I may eat too much. I may feel drunk and high with the sweetness and after I get so used to it, I would notice the bitter taste. Yes, chocolate has a bitter taste. It's different. It’s not like caramel that is all sugar, that would make you feel sick if you swallow too much. There’s something more in chocolate that makes it different. Taking too much wouldn't make you want to puke. It can be addictive... However, I still want to discern its nature. I feel that I want to know it more. So, I left chocolate untouched there on the far side of the room, satisfied at the mere sight of it.

I know someday I would have to taste it to really appreciate it --and I look forward to that day-- when I can love chocolate.

For the mean time, I think I’m simply enjoying everything.

Past Nights

2006-01-03T18:54:00.000+08:00

I'm not trying to win you
by writing a poem
It may not be the best
but my heart needs to express

You may not bother read
but look if you like
At the disaster you've done
to my cold, silent heart

It may not seem good
but what do you expect?
Would a worn and dying heart
yield the best verses?

Would you like me to be
As artistic as I was?
When you've taken away with you
all my inspiration

I'm trying to be free
but still I cannot fly
And all that I can do
is break down and cry

I scream I'm over you
But my heart cannot lie
Knowing that It'll only be over
the day that I die

At night I still weep
for all the memories I keep
wishing the impossible:
for you to be back

As I wake up in the morning
Though numb, I am serene
I forget about the night
And let my life flow

But! What is life without you?
and all that is true?
When I have to face the world
looking happy, but feeling blue

So all this time I'm yearning
for someone to end this pain
but deep inside my heart
I can only hear your name...

***
I just made this last night, with the help of my friend. To relieve myself from sadness and be able to study chem!
(^_^)

Old Year, New Year, I'm Still Here

2005-12-31T18:45:00.000+08:00

Finally, New Year's eve!

Whew, a very colorful year this one surely is.I've done a lot of things, which amaze me. Up to now I couldn't believe I did those things. They're not bad, but I can't tell if their good either. I can call them Morally ambiguous. Anyway, more than that. I also had experiences which I don't know are good or bad for me. And my health (refering to mental, emotional, spiritual and social here).

Where am I now?

Still here.

I came across a very intellectual quotation from C.S. Lewis while doing my book Review.

"The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."

Very enlightening isn't it?

Anyway, we're still here, but look back and look at yourself right now.

We all change.

We learn, no matter how hard the lesson is.

"Everything passes."

We must learn to accept those that we can't change. We must do our best in the things that we can. And we must pray for wisdom to differentiate those that we can and those that we cannot change.

Life can be easy, but it depends on how we cope with it.

Looking back to where I have been, I could not imagine that I would be able to say these.
Up to know, sadness sometimes sweep over me. Mainly, I attribute it to my moods. Perhaps my hormones. And sometimes, I miss the feeling of that kind of happiness. I miss the dependency I enjoyed. I miss the feeling of being able to care for someone. Of someone allowing you to love.

It sure feels good.

Knowing that you can love.

We get hurt when we are rejected because we think that we could not love correctly. That there is something wrong with us.

Maybe.

But not always.

Sometimes, we just have to accept that we make mistakes.

We may have truly loved, but we gave it to the wrong person.

But that's not the end.

What if:

You're better off as friends?

That's a nice thought.

It's not wrong to miss the past.

Everybody has a right to their past.

As for now... At the end of the Year... that's all or at least mainly what I have learned.

I hope to learn more next year, but I wish that next year's lessons would be more pleasant and easier.

I wouldn't deny that this year was so spicy and adventurous, but at thesame time troublesome and heart breaking.

But I'm here.

Breathing well.

Living well.

Thanks to everybody who had been a part of this Year.

Thanks to those who helped me live on.

Most of all, thanks to those who taught me lessons.

I wish that YOU will still be with me next year.

I want to be friends with everybody.

I'm your friend. I promise.

I'm leaving all grudges and worries...

I'll be free.

I'll be new.

I'm MOVING ON to year 2006.

But don't worry, I'm still me.

And I'm opening myself to new possibilities in life.

One Nice Article

2005-12-24T10:52:00.000+08:00

I hope I don't get accused of plagiarism from this one. This is a very nice article from http://www.peyups.com , which I find very educational. I hope you like it too. Also try checking the site for nice articles... It's really cool. The author of this Article is surely an enlightened one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------********

In a Rage : Dead Stars
Contributed by caravaggio (Edited by alteredbeast)
Sunday, December 07, 2003 @ 09:47:49 PM
Print Send Comment

Bakit ganon, bakit hanggang ngayon si ****** pa din yung iniisip ko?, my friend (let’s call her Sullen Yuppie) implores, saying the name of an ex, who, years and years ago, dumped her for another girl. Sullen Yuppie is in a healthy, several-years-long relationship with another friend. They talk about marriage a lot. They don’t have big fights. They love each other very much. But sometimes, when I see S.Y., she has a ready anecdote for me about her ex, about how he called, or texted, or she called, or she texted. You know the drill.

I know it’s not because S.Y. loves her boyfriend any less; in fact I’m guessing she’s happy where she is, and there’s nothing she’d want more than to get married and have kids with her boyfriend. It’s not that she wants her ex back, either, she knows that it’s all in the past and really, she’d rather not bring it back.

But. And here’s that but.

But she thinks about her ex from time to time. Not in the what-if kind of sense, or the I-think-I’m-still-in-love-with-him sense because she knows she’s not. She just thinks about him. As himself. By himself.

It was in a Peyups concert when I caught a certain band play one of their popular songs about a girl the singer loved and later lost. Backstage, I had seen the singer with a girl, presumably his girlfriend, looking all sweet and happy. And then I realized: rock stars write songs about women they loved and lost. Pop stars sing songs about boys who break their hearts. But they all end up with someone anyway. More often than not, not the person they wrote or sang those songs for. Get what I mean?

There’s this one person, see, this one person who, sometimes, has a hold of your mind, where once he or she had a hold of your heart. They say “first love never dies”, and all that bull, and most of the time we laugh it off and say, Right, my first love was this buck-toothed classmate with bungang-araw back when I was eight, hahaha. But change the adage to say, “some loves never die in the die-forgotten-forever sense, but you still think about people you loved long ago sometimes, even if the level of love is far less; you never forget, you just sort of outgrow them." How many people can laugh then?

When a relationship doesn’t work out, or an infatuation passes, or a crush is placed in emotional limbo because of time or space constraints, some part of us is still affected by its presence. Sometimes even though nothing happened, like a girl you saw in Baguio on a holiday with your friends, or a guy you used to talk to for hours until one day he just stopped calling. Sometimes something big and ugly happened: a bad break-up, a humiliating dumping, a temporary restraining order. Most of the time it’s just some memory at the back of your head, an acceptance of things past.

But sometimes we think about it, especially when something reminds us: a guy passing by smelling of the same perfume, a song on the radio, a friend going through the same kind of heartache, a chance encounter with the ex in an elevator. If we’re lucky enough, we no longer think about where things went wrong. If we’re not, we spend hours obsessing about mistakes and how much we’d give to be able to say something, or do something, now that it’s all over.

Before I start making you doubt your present relationships, and before I cause any infighting between otherwise peaceful couples, let me make it clear: everyone has a past, everyone has loved someone else before. What matters is who you love now. It’s pointless to be jealous of something that’s over.

I guess all I’m trying to say is that there may be that one person in our lives whom we can’t forget, although we stopped loving them and wanting to be with them and stuff, a long time ago. We can’t forget them, maybe because they were our first in a lot of things (that’s why “first love never dies”). Maybe because when we loved them, we were all entirely different people. And often we think that we are never going to be that young, or innocent, or hopeful, or naïve again. But we get on with what we have left, we leave old lovers, or they leave us, and everything, including ourselves as we were with that other person, becomes this thing of the past. Paz Marquez Benitez’s “dead star”. Something we remember occasionally, not solely because of the other person, but because of who we were at the time. The other person doesn’t even play a big part in the production anymore, he or she is just a character, a supporting role. The main attraction is how it made us feel, the relationship, the emotions involved.

Here’s the thing: we are never the same but we never really change. We leave the past behind, but we are forever mindful of it. We make assumptions about the present when we cannot read our past. It’s not only the future that has to be predicted, the past has to be as well. Especially when the past surprises you in the present with a text message.

Like what happened to Sullen Yuppie’s boyfriend. Whose past, in the form of the-girl-he-liked-a-long-time-ago, texts him once in a while to chat over coffee, about her work, her boyfriend, or lack thereof, her dogs. Of course, Sullen Yuppie doesn’t know that her boyfriend and one of his (many many many) past crushes, see each other from time to time. He laughs as he tells me, reassures me that it means nothing. Tells me they even joke about it now, how once upon a time he liked her and she, well, sort of but not quite in that way liked him.

Good luck, I tell him, unconvinced about the assurances of innocence and loyalty. I tell him, the past is a dangerous puddle to play in, it tends to sling too much mud around.

But then he has a right to reminisce about his past the way we all do. And everyone does it, even though sometimes we deny it. It doesn’t matter, as long as you know where you are now. That’s how I know Sullen Yuppie will end up with her boyfriend, and her ex-lover, and his ex-crush, will all remain in the past, where they belong.

The thing is, never let your dead stars turn into black holes.

----------------------------------

I think I believe this Artik. Merry Christmas!

2005-12-17T19:52:00.000+08:00

I feel so free.

Maybe it's because of the holidays. Or the temporary break from the toxic schedule we're all suffering from. Or maybe because we won in the Lantern parade (Cheers to UP Pharmacy!). Or maybe because I went to hear night Mass. ( I miss the Bene retreats...) Or maybe because I'm not worrying about anybody anymore.

Whatever it is, it sure feels good.

Aahh... Life is so sweet.

I was just wondering about what to do...

I just want to share some thoughts to anybody who would be able to relate, I hope you do...

So here it goes:

First, If you have certain feelings, it would be best to confront the object of the feelings.

If you're not sure, DON'T even try to tell them or even give a hint.

Because if you do, you may cause confusion. You may give the wrong impression. And that's BIG trouble.

I also don't advice you to keep things to yourself and bury your feelings to your grave if it's really there. BECAUSE, it won't disappear. Ever. Unless you get *enlightenment.

Best thing to do is to say it. Personally. Confront it. Don't suffer for nothing. If a solution is presented, don't be hard-headed. Understand. You may not get what you want, but at least everything would be clear. Both for you and the other. You wouldn't want to hurt anybody.
Be open. See the real situation.

Ahh... Life is hard. But sweet... Sometimes things are not what they seem.

I remember a rule in math.

DON'T ASSUME.

Same thing applies to real life.

Who says math is useless? Haha.

Anyway... I'm sure that everybody doesn't want to get hurt. But me? I'm even more afraid to hurt anybody. After I've been too familiar of that feeling. It would be better to spare some people from the things I've been through. Especially the ones that are really important to me. The people I love. It's so easy for me to become selfish right now, to receive all the attention and love I could get. They say that the best things in life are free. Yes, maybe. But sometimes It's not you who pays for it. It's easy to receive. So easy. But I'm trying my best not to. Because I care. And I love not only to the *mushy mushy* level. I'm serious. I think I'm not ready to give, though a part of me is really desperate and welcoming any form of affection and caring. But I'd rather stay like this. Than to hurt anybody who really loves me. Because I know how to love too. But not yet to give. Completely.

I hope you understand... I'm just trying to protect you... from my selfishness maybe...

Baliw na Gumagapang

2005-12-10T15:34:00.000+08:00

Nakakapagod ang buhay.

Kagabi lang ay bumuhos nanaman ang luha ko. Kahit anong pigil ko, wala akong magawa... Ikaw lang naman kasi ang pumapawi nito.

Pero wala ka.

Hindi ko na gustong umiyak. Sawa na ako sa pagiging malungkot. Pero sino ba ang hindi malulungkot kapag naisip na wala nang kumakalinga sa sarili? Yaon bang hapong hapo ka na at gusto nang sumuko... Sino ang hindi makakaalala ng mga taong dati'y nariyan lang upang alagaan ka? Sino ang hindi maghahanap sa taong dati'y kahit paano ay nag-aalis sa isip mo ng mga problema?

Sinubukan kong tumawag kagabi. Nagbabakasakaling marinig ang tinig mo at kahit paano'y mabawasan ang kalungkutan ko. Hindi ko balak magsalita upang hindi mo na malaman na ako iyon. Upang hindi mo malaman na hindi ko tinutupad ang mga sinasabi ko. Dahil hindi ko naman talaga kayang tuparin ang lahat ng kasinungalingan ko. Hindi ka man lang ba natitinag? Hindi mo man lang namalayan na sinabi ko lang ang lahat ng iyon dahil hindi ko gustong mahirapan ka?

Alam kong matagal ka nang nakapagdesisyon. Pero hindi mo sinabi.

Napakalaki ng naging kasalanan mo sa akin. Pero wala akong naging kasalanan sa iyo, kahit kailan. Nararapat kitang isumpa. Naging malupit ka sa akin. Hindi mo na ginalang ang karapatan ko sa katotohanan. Marahil ay tama lang na kamuhian kita. Dahil hanggang ngayon ay gusto mo pa rin itago sa akin ang totoo. Pero alam mo ba na pinatawad na kita? Kahit sa isip mo ay wala pa akong alam?

Sawa na akong maging mabait. Sawa nang magpatawad nang magpatawad. Sawa na akong magbigay. Sawa na akong masaktan. Sawang sawa na ako kaya bumuhos nanaman ang aking mga luha. Dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ko man lang hiniling sa iyo ang mga gusto ko. Hinayaan kita. Tinanggap ko kung ano lang ang ibibigay mo sa akin. Tulad ng alaga kong aso na matapat na nakatitig sa akin at nag-aabang ng kung anumang ibibigay ko sa kanya. At nakikita ko kung gaano siya kasaya sa tuwing darating ako sa bahay at sasalubungin ako para tumanggap ng pansin mula sa akin.

Pero hindi ako aso.

Gusto ko sanang humiling sa iyo ngunit nangangamba akong isipin mo na inaangkin kita, na madama mong nasasakal ka.

Ngunit kung kailan maglalakas loob na akong humiling ay siya namang paglisan mo.

Gusto kong bumalik ka sa akin.

Pero hindi ko gustong iwanan mo siya. Dahil kailanman ay hindi kakayanin ng konsiyensya ko iyon.

Hindi ko rin gustong iwanan ka niya. Dahil mahal na mahal mo siya kaya nga nagawa mo akong iwan. Kapag iniwan ka niya, masasaktan ka lang. Ayokong mangyari sa iyo ang ginawa mo sa akin, dahil hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ng mahina mong loob ang sakit ng kawalan na dinaranas ko ngayon.

Pero gusto kong bumalik ka.

Ngunit walang paraan.

Walang pag-asa,
o umaasa sa wala?

Kaya ako paulit ulit na lumuluha.

Napakadali mong kalimutan sa mga araw na puno ng saya. Ngunit tuwing sumasapit ang mga panahon na hirap na hirap na ako. Naghihinagpis ako dahil wala ka. Hindi ko ngayon alam kung paano gagamutin ang sugat na ito.

Tama ka sa mga sinasabi mo noon. Noong masaya pa tayong magkasama at nagmamaktol ako kunwari. Ang sabi mo noon, "Parang kulang ka lang sa pag-aalaga at pagmamahal eh."

Oo. Kulang na kulang nga. At wala nang pumupuno noon ngayon.

Mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko. Sa kabilang banda, napakalalim din ng aking kalungkutan. Sabihin mo sa akin ngayon kung paano ako babangon. Gusto kong bumalik ka. Pero wala nang saysay pang isipin na mamahalin mo akong muli.

Napakalalim talaga ng kalungkutan ko ngayon. Talagang bumaon na ang sugat. Siguro kung alam mo lang dati na ganito ako magmahal, hindi mo na ako hinayaang mahulog sa iyong mga yakap.

Hinihiling ko na may tumulong sa aking itayo muli ang aking pagkatao, ngunit hindi na ikaw iyon. Kahit gustuhin ko pa na ikaw na lang sana.

Pagod na ako. Sana nga dumating na ang araw na matatapos lahat ng ito. Gusto ko nang sumaya. At sana hindi ikaw ang tunay kong kaligayahan, sapagkat kung ganoon nga, hindi na ako magiging masaya kailanman.

Sa ngayon, napakaraming tao ang nasa aking puso.
Ngunit nakakalungkot isipin na ang puso ko ay nasa isang tao lamang.

Isang taong nagpasyang itatago ito nang aking ialay nang buong buo. Ngunit sa bandang huli ay itinapon lamang ito na parang lumang laruan. Sana inisip mo man lang ako, bago mo ginawa ang lahat ng iyon sa akin.

Pero nagawa mo na.

Ikaw na naman ang nagpasya.

Hindi ka man lang nagbigay konsiderasyon.

Parang nagtapos lang sa biro ang lahat.
----Tulad ng simula.

Ang akala kong kuwentong maari kong isulat noon, dahil hindi ito katulad ng mga karaniwang kuwento ng pag-ibig, ay nauwi sa isang istoryang wala man lang kabuluhan.

Pinapatawad na kita.

Mayroon palang sitwasyon na ang taong nagpapatawad pa ang lumuluha at nakikiusap sa taong wala man lang malasakit.

Alam mo kung gaano ako kahina. Pero iniwan mo akong mag-isang nakikibaka.

Kagabi'y naisip ko na kabaliwan na ang isiping kasama pa kita at mahal mo pa rin ako.

Kaya naman hinihiling ko kagabing mabaliw na lang ng tuluyan...

------Kung yaon na lang ang tanging paraan.

Why do we have to put titles??

2005-12-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

From now on, I'm smiling.
"Life" is so beautiful...
Why ruin it's wonderful color by crying for "ugly" things...
Some truths reveal themselves... Even if they can be so nasty, it's worth considering.
My mind's working and I'm not going to be fooled again by some ugly creature that tries to take over my life...
The only thing that can make me sad now is the death of my dog, Shinji. May that dog rest in peace.
And with that, I symbolically bury all my feelings: hurt, anger, fear, bitterness.
Don't be sad because I have moved on.
I'm not being sarcastic here.
No one will bring me down.
I'm not allowing anybody anymore.
I'm content with my life.

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want."

I can still love.

I still love everybody, like I always do.

I won't be bitter anymore.
It's only for losers.
Thank God I've come back to myself.

I'm not saying that I didn't love at all.
I'm not saying that I didn't feel loss.

Actually I really was sad. Even devastated perhaps.
I was grieving for the loss of a great love.
And that great love was what I have GIVEN.
Received? I don't know.
The only thing that was worth crying for was the lost effort, energy, time.

Well, the truth is it's not actually a loss.

I've had experiences.

Plenty of wonderful ones.

More nasty ones.

I've learned many lessons.

From myself actually.

But finally it's through.

I'm not saying that I don't cry at night anymore.

But I'm not pitying myself anymore.

Never.

I guess it's time to defend myself.

And I mean my real self.

I've accepted this diverse self of mine.

The weeping child, the fighting girl, the proud person, the loyal friend, the loving martyr, the weakling, the bold, and even the weird woman.

Finally, I got them all reconciled.

Special thanks to my logical, honest, problem-solving, many-layered mind.
Also I would like to give gratitude to my dearest friends... Lalans... (I read our blog...) Mama mich... Buddy... My best wicked friend Karlo V... My evil but nice step family in UP, my blockmates, and my professors who never fail to keep my head full of things and homework, quizzes and papers to think about.

Most of all, I thank God, the Holy Spirit, St. Benedict, St. Jude, St. Anthony, Mama Mary and Jesus, my Superfriend.

*******

BTW: We are not alone... Being alone is only a state of mind. Everybody is a part of us... So they are always WITH us. Actually, IN us. And, let me not forget this: If we alone right now, then where is GOD?

Another thing, why would you feel alone? I'm not a wall flower. Friends are not members of the plant Kingdom... Smile!

I'm Alive...

2005-11-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, thanks to my Heaven-sent best friend, my buddie, and my other friends, I'm still alive.

I've let him go now.

Nasty things I've gone through the other night.

But now everyting's peaceful for me.

I hope he would find his peace, his happiness, and himself.

I wonder if everything's just a joke.

I wonder if he's just kidding.

I secretely wish for it.

But I think, (my usual logical brain tells me) that I shouldn't complicate matters.

I'm sorry to keep a little secret bitterness against you, but I have to.

You see, it's a tool for moving on in this kind of situation.

But I'm not angry.

I saw this coming.

OK na.

I accept.

I forgive.

Everything's alright.

I guess I'll be sticking to my good old principles in life.

I thank thee anyway...

for everyting...

Maybe I still love thee...

I think I glimpsed thesame thing in your eyes the last time we were together.

But who knows.

I understand we should make decisions.

As thou hath said, everything depends upon us. We control our destiny.

Nice one.

Anyway,

I'll be a friend.

You can count on it.

But maybe not now.

Or I'll just get confused.

Maybe you can come back.

If you do, I will think.

Really.

I guess where the heart fails, the mind works.

Just take good care of yourself, especially that heart of yours.

I'm talking literally now!

I don't want to hear any nasty stories about you, so be good.

Maybe I'll write a poem for you. Just maybe.

If I'm through.

Hmm... It seems to be true...

2005-11-30T08:35:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.
You're the type that always has multiple streams of though going.
And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.
You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Your Element is Fire

Your power color: red

Your energy: hot

Your season: spring

Like a fire, you are full of power and light.
A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.
You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.
You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.

What Element Are You?

You Are a Rose

You are a total alpha female who tends to be a leader.
Your friends depend on you to hold things together and make decisions.
Men are drawn to your feminine powers and strength.
While you are the center of attention, you are secretly introverted and a bit shy.

What Flower Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.

You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.
A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Chai Ching

2005-11-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

Get a load of this! See you this semester at hogwarts! Bwahaha.

Whoa... the DEVIL'S HOUR

2005-10-30T18:03:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 2:58 am today.

I was awakened by my brother's text message.... Another of those silly friendship quotes.

What struck me is the time. I recently bought Haunted Philippines and True Philippine Ghost stories books and I guess I read somewhere mentioning that 3:00 am was the devil's hour...That people usually have a hard time going back to seep at that time.

Two more minutes and it'll be 3:00 am!

But wait there's more.

There were three more messages on my phone...

From one of my VIPs.

I can't describe how I felt.

But I swear I cried.

I don't know why. I found myself talking to God again. Suddenly. Most sincerely, after a long time. I was guilty that I only come to Him when I am troubled. When I am depressed. I usually forget him in my happinness. In my comfort. And I regret that.

So, I was actually crying about someone telling me off about how I have not guarded my actions and emotions. Well that wasn't exactly it. But that is how I perceived it... I cried, because I knew he was right. I cried, because what he was asking from me was my former attitude on life.(Which he actually changed) -and now he's telling me that I should stick to that. I cried, because I was damned so afraid of what could happen next. I don't want a complete change... I'm afraid to lose my VIP's. Especially someone who cared for me a lot - someone whom I really loved. HIM actually. It really freaked me out.

I'm a totally pessimistic paranoid fool who can mock myself and blow my brain out by just thinking of how disastrous certain things can affect my life.

Well, the point is that I cried. I have to ask forgiveness, from so many people. They're all actually my VIP's and I really owe all of them a lot. It's just that I wouldn't learn my lesson until somebody would hit me hard in the head. And somebody did hit me not only in the head, but also straight in the heart. I found myself at the break of dawn actually crying. Twisting and turning in bed. Praying hard. Breathing hard. My chest like hell. Maybe I'm just too emotional when thinking during that time of the morning. It's pretty weird, but I was suddenly enlightened. I found out the answer to why I had loved somebody so much.

Perhaps I suddenly touched my subconcious and that gave me just the answer.
It made me cry much more...

But I still prayed.

Did some bargaining with God, which I always do in times of pain. I decided to send a message. It was actually a 27 part message. I understood in a way, and felt that I have to accept it. I know a lot of things were my fault... I said what I felt. Sent the text message before I could change my mind. Felt a little better. Thanked God and fell back to sleep at around 5:30 am...

Now I wonder If the 3:00 am-so-called-Devil's-hour was the reason for my sleepless night. (Morning maybe?)

Anyway.

I still cling to the promise that nothing will change between us.

And I reall hope so.

I really do.

Doses of Depression

2005-10-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

Again...

Happiness is just another feeling...

Which fades away...

His words are powerful...

So powerful that they have complete control over my emotions...

It's terrible how certain statements from him could cause long doses of depression in me...

Worse is that it's not his fault...

I just wish that somewhere, something good will come out...

Like a promise.

That I would be more than happy to hold on to...

And something that I would like to keep...

It's HIS BIRHTDAY

2005-10-04T07:42:00.000+08:00

I'm happy.

It's not my birthday.

His.

I thank the Lord for giving him another wonderful year.

I hope he's happy, too.

It's his birthday anyway.

>>*<<

Smiles Again

2005-10-01T11:53:00.000+08:00

Whew... It feels great.

Back to being normal...

I only have one departmental exam left. Only one more paper to submit.

Some finals...

Then... Viola! Sem Break! Haha!

What's more, I'm happy again...

Because...

Secret.

But too bad... Sem break's a bit too long. How many days will I not see him?

Gosh...

Nah.

Never mind that...

I'm very happy right now.

And I can sleep very well now...

with a grin on my lips every time memories come to me...

Thank You.

Besides, It's nearly his Birthday.

Happy Birthday!

Pure Fear

2005-09-24T09:42:00.000+08:00

I just wonder
why the thought of "Good things never last" repeats over and over in my head...

I'm scared to be alone...
It's like having no reason to live anymore...
When there are trials: There'll be no strength to fight...
When there is success: There'll be nobody to share it with...
In the cold: There'll be no warmth to hold...
In sadness: There'll be nobody to wipe your tears...
In giving love: There'll be no one to receive...
Happiness is just plain pretention...
It all sounds pathetic...
And it doesn't sound like me...
But now I admit it.
No man is an island.
I am afraid to lose the people who have always been there for me...
I'm not even sure if they're still holding the other end of the rope while i'm still climbing...

Why do we have to lose people who mean the world to us?
Is it because there is something wrong with us?
Aren't we enough for them?
Is there something wrong with the way we love?

It's so painful to find yourself in the dark, alone... It's cold and endless...
I've always felt like that ...until I've found somebody who gave me reason to struggle in the dark emptiness...
Finally I ceased pretending that I am strong...
Because I really became strong inside...
But it's just so wonderful because I always knew that there was somebody stronger who's always by my side...

Even if I often doubted that in the darkness, I may one day look behind me and find this person gone. I held on. Plain trust.

I was always grateful for everything because even if the heaviest trials came by, I just stood there, and still he hadn't left... I often wondered why my life was so full of miracles...

But still... Fears do come to us...
I do not know if this is just another trial to test my faith...
Or maybe something to make us stronger...
Or perhaps my fate which I should just accept...
But I don't want to...

It will be so sad to find out
that the savior I found in a stranger
could be a mere passerby...
And that it was all just a joke...
Like how everything began...
Because it's still the same situation from the start until now:
Many Doubts.
No rights.
No demands.
Just trust.
Just waiting.
Just hoping.
And everything right now is just pure fear.

AUGUST 20 - A Truly Once in a Lifetime Experience

2005-08-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

UNFORGETTABLE FEILD TRIP!!!
Just yesterday (I couldn't actually believe it), our block and another block had our field trip in geology. We went to the Taal volcano island and went down to the main crater! And it was indeed an experience worth remembering. Words aren't even enough to describe the trip... But I'm going to give some advice for those who wish to go there someday.

(FYI- Our prof says that there are actually 36 craters in the volcano island. The one we see from tagaytay is NOT the main crater.)

Material Requirements: sunblock, jacket, food, LOTS of water, extra money, extra clothes, companions(unless you want to be lost there alone), camera, cellphone(there's signal up there, except when inside the crater)

Important reminders:
1) beware of dung!
2)Do yourself a favor, there's no CR up there, so you better do it before you take the boat ride.
3) Be careful while taking pictures during the hike, my classmate almost lost her camera during the hike when it slipped from her hands and fell a long way down the side of the trail.
4) If you're asthmatic, you better think twice about going there.
5) You won't be able to hear your companions if you walk into a different trail toward the crater - Even if 10 people are already shouting.

Terrain description:
_Long walk up (about more than an hour), with thick vegetation, tall grasses slashing across your face, thorned plants with stinging and itch-causing trichomes, lots of horse dung along the trail (only horses can go up there), lots of cliff edges, loose rocks, slippery paths.
_Steep slippery walk down the crater, stable rocks are less, cliffs along the side of the trail are more dangerous.
_Crater... surprise! See it for your self. Nothing very spectacular. Really. It's actually a small lake, with lots of sulfur and ash on the edges. (We weren't able to get into the water because the volcano had some activity earlier this year and they reckon the water is not very safe.)

Some things worth seeing:
_The Lava flow or Aa deposits! A hill of black, unstable, sharp-edged rocks. It's HOT there!(Actually, because it's nearly lunch time when we got there... Haha!)
_The Fumerols (or Fumarols?) Apears as steam issuing from the sides of the lake in the crater. Can appear and disappear once in a while. Unfortunately, It was on the other side of the crater so we weren't able to have a closer look.
_Some rare birds, which we didn't bother to research about.
_Rare plants and trees. (Unfortunately, our cautiousness was greater than our curiosity.)
_The scenery from up there! Don't think twice about stopping for a while during the hike and removing your eyes from the trail. Look around you. You will be able to seethe wonderful lake around the volcano island and the view of the crater from above is like a shining ray of hope that you'll be able to rest soon.

Final Remarks: It is worth seeing. Appreciate the wonders of nature. A good exercise. A test of endurance. Educational. Unforgettable.

Overwhelming Toxicity

2005-08-07T16:33:00.000+08:00

I don't know if this is called Paranoia or what...

Maybe its just one of the effects of pressure and school related stressors...

Thank God I've just finished my first (I think) college-level reaction paper in History.

At least I only need to worry about my Botany Exam... or maybe my Math Quiz... or maybe my research paper in History... or maybe my term paper in Comm1... Or maybe finishing my Lab manual... Or maybe rewriting my notes a week ago... or maybe I should start doing something now... Sheesh.. Talk about sharing pressure... (Im sorry dear, you know... everybody's pressured nowadays... Just smile ok?)

It's all the same... you know. It's just one thing that makes me worry most. And its about having somebody out there think that he's all alone... and that's the most depressing part...

But then... once again, I think this is just Paranoia!

--Better get to work now---

*Good Luck to everybody who's undergoing overwhelming toxicity!*

You think --?

2005-08-07T11:56:00.000+08:00

I don't think that was a stupid bet.
Actually, I think its nice if it would benefit us, but why?
Now?
What's the matter?
Haven't I done my part?

---That's all---

To be or not to be , that is the Question...

2005-08-05T17:06:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it...

I passed the test in History....

The subject I most loved to HATE

sheesh... Miracles do happen...

I promised *Superfriend*, as I prayed before the results came out, that I will do my best in the next exam if i just get a passing grade!!!

But before that, I made a bet with someone who really had faith in me... Haha!!
That's the worst part though...

I truly believed then that I would fail, but he said that I wouldn't...

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I lost the bet.

Now I have to do the consequences...

Wow... I don't know if this is exciting or what...

Haha!!!

PAX

Kahapon

2005-07-21T18:26:00.000+08:00

Kung maari lang sana
pasanin ko ang sakit mong nadarama

Kung pwedeng ang puso ko na lang
ang durugin ng iyong problema

Kung mayroon lang akong magagawa
upang ikaw ay guminhawa

Sana ako na lang ang masaktan...
Huwag ka lang makitang lumuluha...

Ano pang silbi ng buhay ko
Kung ang ligaya ko'y naghihinagpis?

At hindi ko maipadama
pag-aalaga't pagmamahal na ninanais

Kung maari lang sana'y
Ako na lang ang para sayo'y lumuha

Sapagkat ang makita kang nakangiti'y
Sa aking kaluluwa'y pumapayapa

Sulyap

2005-07-20T13:28:00.000+08:00

Makapangyarihan

Kakaibang kislap ng 'yong mga mata

Agad na tumatagos

sa puso nang walang paalam

Walang pakundangan

sa kaluluwang nabibigla

At tumutunaw sa yelong

bumabalot sa aking pagkatao

Hindi mo ba napapansin?

Kung gaano ako nagpipigil

Na humalakhak sa galak

Bagkus isang pigil na ngiti

Sa labi ay tumatahak

Ngunit sa loob loob ko'y

Langit na ang nadarama

Salamat at nandito ka...

Thursdays with **ri

2005-06-26T12:55:00.000+08:00

I had a very wonderful Thursday last week. I woke up at 4 am with a slight fever. Took a cold shower, suffered badly from runny nose, headache and sinusitis. I ate my breakfast, and took my medication… and because of all the fuss due to my ill condition, I was finally able to leave the house at 6 am. Exactly an hour before my class in Math 17 starts, when I’m supposed to have an extra 30 minute allowance time in case there would be traffic and other unavoidable circumstances… And mind it, we have a quiz for the first class. Well, there’s nothing much to review. It’s math anyway. Just a little understanding of the lesson will do, as long as you know how to analyze and solve and CONCENTRATE. And how exactly am I supposed to be able to concentrate with my nose weeping and my head being drilled on all sides? Sheesh…

Anyway, I just came exactly three minutes before the start of the class, and that was close. And we had that three item quiz - First quiz in math. I can’t bear to have another first-day-flunk-experience as with my first botany quiz. Especially with math. I really never had a problem with the quizzes back in high school then, so I expect to do better this time than with my last quiz in botany. The quiz went on as usual. I thought hard on the problem solving part though, but I believe I answered everything right. We passed the papers and as usual answers buzzed everywhere. I was quite confused though about one item then I found out that I read and copied one term of a very long algebraic expression wrongly. Curse the handwriting of that professor!!! Or maybe it was just me. I didn’t bother getting my eyeglasses before the quiz because my face was so irritated with my runny nose. And there goes another quiz. Wow… What a wonderful way to start a day.

The day went as usual… B.O.R.I.N.G.… then surprisingly a text message from a friend from my former school, Beda, announced that I would be seeing them around after class. I thought it was just a joke, nothing much serious. Then next thing I knew…. Haha. _______ **** _______Secret. It was just another VERY wonderful Thursday. Thanks to my savior.

And as to my runny nose, headache and sinusitis, it all magically disappeared. I think my “cure” just came by… THANK YOU...

Blogged Out

2005-06-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

I hate this life... I was composing a really really long entry here so I disconnected first, then when I was finished, I pressed the publish post button and i forgot I was disconnected, so there, everything was erased.___________________________________________... *sigh* well the entry was just about my stupidity, and I guess, I just had another experience to write. Anyway, I'll just forget about that entry. It's just about my bitterness on my first quiz in botany, the first quiz I had in college. Grrr... talk about stupidity... ATTENTION: ANYBODY, I NEED HELP... I need emotional, mental, and spiritual salvation... Friends out there... Hello? I need you guys, especially you ____... I NEED you now... I don't need your presence, your text, you hello, your whatever, I need YOU... ok? And what is YOU, I know you might ask... I don't know too... I just need YOU.

Word Therapy

2005-04-16T14:33:00.000+08:00

Aaahhh… Some may find these weird but, admit it. Writing is therapeutic. (Reading too! But writing makes you something original....) Especially when you don’t always have someone to talk to. Not that I’m a loner, but hey ,we can’t just pour out our words and ideas to someone all the time. Besides, writing is a safer thing to do than talking. I’m not a very good talker. Less talk, less mistakes right? At least with writing we can express what we want, revise, erase and improve what needs to. BUT be careful beacause written words make stronger evidences in case we encounter some problems. It is harder to take back what you said because it is something written, unlike the sound of words which vanish in the air as soon as we speak. We can easily say that you heard it wrong, what I meant was… blah blah and so on.. right? Anyway I feel sad because I haven’t written a poem for several weeks now. Poems help me feel at ease during stressful times. Would anybody believe that I write poems when I get tired of reviewing for exams? Haha… pretty weird. But really! I don’t know if now I just lack inspiration, enough stress, (I guess I need some stress in my life… I don’t function properly without it…) or maybe I just refuse to think… or feel maybe… It’s a bit fun being numb… (HEY! A discovery! No think – dumb; No feel – numb… haha whatever). But now, After reading some blogs… I decided to think and feel again… aah life is too short to be dumb and numb… internally stagnant maybe. (Where the h*ll do I get such words?) let’s call it I.S. for short… haha. I love making use of some exotic words… sorry I’m just an amateur in that field… But I give lots of nicknames! Haha! And most of them are accepted and are being used! Haha! One of my achievements in life… aaahhh… giving cute nicknames… I wonder where “moochie” came from. Isn’t it cute? Haha… Enough… Next topic please>>> do you think I’m beginning to post rubbish things here? Please comment… Gosh… please do.

I'm Missing

2005-04-16T05:31:00.000+08:00

Aaahh…

It feels so good to be back to writing again… It has been quite a time now since I poured my thoughts into something visual and get them organized with words… Gosh I’m making Literature! Literature: An enduring expression of Significant Human Experiences in words well chosen and arranged. Whew… Bene definition of Literature! 4 years! Did I remember it right? Hehe! Well anyway, I’m not really sure if these are words well chosen and arranged but they’re words anyway and they’re worth reading. Heller! Hehe… Can we stop that conyotic language? It would be a bit inappropriate now that I’m out of Bene. (GRADUATE AT LAST!) wow… t-h-I-s –I-s- s-o- l-a-t-e… Its already the 3rd week of April right? I miss my classroom already! And my… ehem* seatmate/s of course! Hehe. Okay. I also miss my teachers MOST ESPECIALLY the melodious tone of Tita Jaz’s Voice! Hehe. Aww… Physics. And Of course, my lalans! Miss you guys!
(Do I seem over-excited with writing? …too many thoughts to pour out that it gets jumbled up…)

QUESTION: Why do we say the word “miss”? I, personally, don’t have a definition. Okay I admit that I used to say that word to people I would want to tell it even if I don’t really miss them… Hehe! How evil! But really, to me it was just an expression. Just because they’re not around and you wouldn’t want them to feel that they’re nothing to you so you say “I miss you”. Isn’t it true? Can anybody relate?… I’m sure a lot of people nowadays are doing the same… “I miss You” has almost lost its meaning by being overused right? It just sounds cute… Can anybody admit this to themselves?! I do! Hehe! But anyway, somebody defined the word “miss” for me. (I wouldn’t bother looking at the dictionary… I’ve been keeping away the schoolish things since the start of vacation!!! Bye Webster!) So here’s how this person defined it for me: It means that you want to experience the presence of this person physically, spiritually (how’s that? creepy…) and emotionally but you can’t… So that is how we miss somebody. True! I just realized it when I was given this definition… haha poor me. Are there any other definitions? Anyway, at least I can wholeheartedly say that I miss Bene! Plus everything inside it! And most of all everything that happened to me within its roof! Awww… ***reminisce*** *sniff*------hang---- aaa…. ---
I think my brain has stopped working since the start of vacation… and I enjoy it! Feels so good… not thinking about anything! Just living in the summer heat! Feeling the summer breeze! Savoring the goodness of our favorite summer foods like halo-halo! Ice cream! Not worrying about getting fat because I barely go out of the house anyway! Haha! Spend time playing with the dog! Being able to sleep peacefully without thinking of projects, homeworks, quizzes, exams and social life issues the next day! Haha! I finally got over the very *sniff* sad and endless goodbyes! I already enjoy the highschool graduate life! And I’m a bit excited about college… but not now! I should be in a state of limbo… currently Out-of-school! Haha! This is the feeling of an out of school youth… I guess… I enjoy it because it’s only two months! But imagine if I won’t be able to go back to any school anymore… GOSH! I can’t imagine what my life would be… hehe! But enough thinking… I mutually banned myself from thinking too much these past few days… But now it seems like I’m getting back to thinking… The brain should be used once in a while to prevent permanent stagnation… haha!

Some Things to Think About...

2005-03-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

Love means that I know the person I love. I’m aware of the many facets of the other person – not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies, and flaws. I have an awareness of the other’s feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person…
Love means that I care about the welfare of the person. To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not the choking of the person. If I care about you, I’m concerned about your growth, and I hope that you will become all that you will become…
Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love. I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to gratify my own needs…
Love means having a responsibility toward the person. I’m responsive to most of your major needs as a person. This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself. It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affect you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your misery. I can see that love entails an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact on you of my way of being.
Love means growth for both myself and the person I love. I am growing as a result of my love. You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become, and my loving enhances your being as well. WE both grow as a result of caring and being cared for; we both share in an enriching experience that does not detract from our being.
Love means making a commitment to the person. It does not necessarily mean surrendering our total selves to each other. But it does entail a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, uncertainty, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment.

Last Verse of 40

2005-03-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

Kung gusto ninyo ng klaseng pambihira
Sa 401 ninyo subukang pumunta
Makikita mga anak ni Ms. Flores na MEDSCI
Bawat isa’y may istoryang makulay

Kaya huwag nang patagalin at simulan na
Ang pagpapakilala sa bawat isa
Sa maikling tula inyong masusulyapan
Kaunting bahagi ng bawat katauhan

Pagdating sa umaga nagpapa-“autograph” na
Ang Maria Clara naming monitor na si Alexa
Ang Presidenteng si Sonny, sa amin nagpapasaya
Sa kanyang State of the Section Address o mas kilalang S.O.S.A
.
Nariyan na’t dumarating ang aming mga reyna
Pagdating sa chika si Divine ang bida
Samantalang si Jade na kabaligtaran niya
Hindi lang pang-intrams, pang prom-queen pa

Unahin din natin ang mga star sa likuran
Alyssa at Chinee lagung nasa top 10 na listahan
Si Tin na laging poised at si Yhel na aming Vivian
Makukulit at masasaya na hindi malilimutan

Si Binky na laging blooming at isang alagad ng cheering
Kakulitan si Eunice na sweet at charming
Habang si Jaia na singkit at maganda
Kay Kev nakikipaglaban sa paliitan ng mata

Hyper nanaman ang batang promil na si JC
Hindi sila naluluma ni Gigi sa comedy
Ultimate partner ni Mai na cute ngumiti
Sakto ang kanilang timpla, huling huli ang kiliti

Idagdag mo sa tatlo si Marc M. na tenor
Na mukhang handang mag-Philosophy major
Pati rin si Val na soul siren ng kuwarenta
At kumpleto na sila para hiritan tayo ng kanta.

Nandito na si Dorz na kampon ng mga kikay
Kausap si Mark D. na henyong tunay
Si Ivy na cute, Derrick na pa-cute at Dino na masaya
‘pag nagsama-sama, silang mga carebears ay kumpleto na

In na in din ang Medchix Kuwarenta
Sina Regine, Nats, Irena at Milka
Wala kang masasabi sa samahan nila
Kulang na lang magpalit-palit kanilang mukha

Ang pinakamakinang na anghel sa klase
Si Gelai na pang MMFF pagdating sa pag-arte
Beshy niyang si Annabs na may career sa CVE
Nagpapa-xerox na naman kay Paul na mabuti

Kabilang naman sa Gazeeboys ng Kuwarenta
Si Patrick na chickboy at Rennaissance man pa
Kaya ang katabing si Joan mukhang napapabilib na
At kapansin-pansin na lalo siyang gumaganda

Isa pang Gazeeboy na pamatay ang tingin
Si Joshua na artist nitong magazine
Tumataas tuloy ang kilay ni Carla
Kasama ang dalawa pa niyang kabarkada

Sina Bea at Dominique na super maaasahan
Sila’y maga tunay na pag-asa ng bayan
Heto na si Aureen, makulit naming kapamilya
Habang si Karlo ang kanyang kapuso

Pati ang magpartner na si Mitch at Monica
Kilalang makukulit at malulupit na basketbolista
Samantala may isang binibining nagngangalang Norrie
Na parang telenobela ang buhay sa 40

Best friend niyang si Gari na sa klase ay paborito
At si Chai na sa deadline ng magazine ay nahihilo
Kapalara’y nakasulat na sa seatplan mismo
Aso’t pusang nagkabati ang kanilang kuwento

May MamaMich kami na diyosa ng entablado
At diyosa rin pagdating sa Ingles na berso
Kasamang kakulitan si Maryel at Kim
Na laging namamataan sa West Gazebo

Aba dumating pa si JM, hindi na ito kataka-taka
Siya’ng bestfriend ng monitor na treasurer at fashionista
Heto naman si Madz na counselor ng bayan
Puro words of wisdom ang binibitawan

Sandali lang, may announcement ang SEB
Guys! Guys! Si Kuya Franco ang nagsasabi
Pinakamasipag na Benedictine Values awardee
Kaya’t mga fans sa lower batch napapatili

Ano pa nga ba ang mahihiling namin?
Kumpleto na kami anuman inyong sabihin
Dahil nanatili kaming buo at mananatili kaming matibay
Kahit ilan pang dissection, skeletonizing at slide making sa aming buhay
Kahit pangalanan pa namin ang lahat ng buto sa katawan,
At kahit sama-sama kaming maghirap at magpuyatan
Sa lungkot at saya, sa hirap at ginhawa
Hindi kami mapipigilang ngumiti at tumawa
Magunaw man ang mundo o saan man magpunta
Walang makalilimot sa Pangkat Kuwarenta!